I (M32) have been married to my wife (F30) for over two years now and have been together for 6 years. I come from a substantially wealthy family. I have a few assests (both inherited and built upon) in my name.
My wife on the other hand comes from a lower income household. When we started dating, the economic difference was very evident. While I trust her in general, my family is riddled with stories of gold diggers (in both genders.)
So I told her if we were to get married, I would be comfortable only if she signed a prenup. It's not as though I won't share my privilege with her at all, I would provide the best life for us as long as we are together.
She agreed readily claiming she loved me for me and not for my wealth. Hence we have a prenup. To clarify, she was working all that time. But with our income disparity, I was covering over 70% of expenses.
Barely a year into marriage, she got pregnant. We were happy about it. 5 months in, she wanted to quit her job. I supported her decision since I was making enough money to support us. But 3 months into having our newborn, she demands I revoke the prenup.
Her argument is she is staying home to raise our kid and putting her career on the line. So there should not be any prenup. I reminded her I was taking care of us financially while she stayed home with our baby (I look after our baby when I am home as well.)
She said that's my duty as a father. I said, by that logic, staying home with our baby is her duty as a mother and not something to be compensated for. Not to mention it was her choice to stay home. She got p!$sed at me saying I don't care about her at all. It's untrue. But her logic is not making sense here.
She is not letting this go and keeps saying I am ruining her life by holding my pursestrings so tight. That she deserves to be on the title on our home atleast. I reminded her it is a premarital property and if she wants her name on a title deed, we can buy a new property together when she gets back to work.
Further Info : I am not only taking care of my family financially, I am also putting money into her retirement fund. I just put my income (other than properties) into our joint account and we both spend from it. AITAH for not revoking the prenup?
If this situation was not covered in the prenup you need better lawyers. Also, a prenup cannot waive away or nullify child support and in many states a judge can override it during the divorce if the terms are lopsided or abusive to one party. As a compromise you should do a post-nuptual amendment to the prenup to reassure her that your kids and her will still be secure if something happens.
This. Prenups do not supersede marital law of the state. Proper child support, alimony, etc. have to be at minimum what would be required by law. I would let her speak to an attorney to help assuage her fear, which honestly is real.
Tons of SAHM who end up divorced have trouble getting back into the workforce, and I’m sure it’s a mental toll to have your livelihood wholly dependent on another person
And, yes, if these type of situations were not covered in the prenup, you do not have a great prenup. The goal of any attorney writing this document should be to never have to see you again. Not all attorneys do it this way, but it is the way it should be done…but if you got an attorney on a deal, you probably got what you paid for.
Do you have something in your prenup about alimony? Cause if not, you are going to get f*cked. The courts in most states will favor a stay at home mom who lost out on career earnings over the rich dude. You guys should do a postnup at minimum to cover alimony and she should speak to a family lawyer.
Alimony is fully waived as per prenup. Possible difference in circumstances were also addressed like choosing to stay home for welfare of family. Only requirement therein is to contribute to the retirement fund a sum equal to what was contributed by the person with slight annual increment adjusting for inflation. I am contributing that. I talked to my lawyer and legally I am in the clear.
How the hell was this precise scenario not covered in the pre-nup? Was your lawyer Lionel Hutz? Or was hers? DID she have independent legal advice? ESH, because this shit should have been thrashed out years ago between you.
But also NAH because both of you have a reasonable take on this. God knows how you'll unpick it now. But unpick it you both must. This needs re-negotiating with couples counselling, financial counselling, and a lawyer each.
NTA for not revoking the prenup but probably YTA for not giving your wife enough. I'll bet my left nut you did not consider the impact of her staying home with your child has on a woman's career in your pre-nup.