Woman shocked to learn she booked the same cruise as her 'baby daddy.' AITA?
"AITA if I go on the same cruise as my daughter's dad during my birthday week?"
IngenuitySerious6127
I, 39(f), have been separated from my daughter's (15) father for more than ten years. The separation was less than amicable due to another woman being involved that he ended up marrying. As time passed, we became more cordial and got along enough to be in the same room without issues.
For my upcoming 40th birthday in June, I was possibly planning an out-of-country trip with my daughter and reached out to her father to get her a passport, knowing she would need one for an upcoming cruise he is planning with her anyhow.
After a couple of texts, he ignored me until I got my daughter involved and asked her to have him reply back to me (she wasn't aware of what I texted him about). She tells me, "he asked what are you doing that I need a passport." I explained I may want to leave the country for my birthday. Suddenly, he texted me to set up an appointment.
After we discussed his best availability, he told me he booked a cruise the week of my birthday and wanted to give me a heads-up. Heads up? He booked this cruise months back and never mentioned anything to me.
I only knew he was taking one because my daughter had brought it up several times that she was going on a summer cruise. I always go away for my birthday and bring my daughter, so this was not something new that I was doing.
Also, per our custodial agreement, our daughter is supposed to be with her parent on their birthday- this was something he requested. I mentioned this to him, and he said he forgot about that schedule since we have not abided by it forever.
Unfortunately, we have not abided by it because of his professions. Despite what he says, I believe he or his wife booked this trip intentionally on my birthday week. He informed me he "can cancel your daughter out of the cruise so she can attend your 40th bday."
That comment alone makes me suspect it was the latter of the two.After some thinking, I decided I could also book the same cruise. Not to be petty or out of spite, because I would rather be anywhere else than encountering them, but this does not leave my daughter in the predicament of choosing or me holding off on my birthday celebration to cater to them as I always do.
Still, I am also not sure how my daughter would feel, but a cruise ship should be big enough that we can avoid each other most of the time. So, AITA for suggesting to go?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
Character_Schedule34
Have you considered talking to your daughter about it? 15 is old enough that she can start weighing in on this.... as for the custody agreement, speak with your lawyer?
The OP responded here:
IngenuitySerious6127
I let her decide all the time. Either way, I feel like I cannot win in this situation unless I delay my birthday plans for a week. There is no point in a lawyer since he agrees to cancel her trip so she can be with me for my birthday.
RevRagnarok
INFO: What do you plan on doing with your teenaged daughter that week? Have her decide every morning "do I spend today with mom or with dad?"
Ok_hon
Exactly!! Unless father, stepmom, bio mom and daughter are going to spend every day together, daughter will be forced to pick and choose between them. This is not as simple & straight forward as OP seems to think.
The OP responded here again:
IngenuitySerious6127
It all depends on where this cruise travels to, which I don't know yet. It sounds like her dad is traveling with his wife, ten-year-old daughter, and friends. I will be traveling with my sister, BIL, and almost 14-year-old nephew, with an open invitation to my friends. Ideally, I would like to have her on my birthday, grab lunch off the ship, and look into a local activity we can enjoy as a group.
ZealousidealRice8461
Just book your trip a different week. YTA this is weird.
VeronicaSawyer8
Some Oxygen Channel executive is going to read this and get ideas for a movie of the week.
INFO: What will your daughter think of this plan? Will you be upset if/when she spends days/meals/etc with her father? You can't make a decision until she weighs in. Don't put her in an awkward position.
Again, the OP responded:
IngenuitySerious6127
I think my daughter may be displeased. She and I are pretty close, but she sometimes seems bothered about her dad and me having to interact. During the few times we have to get together for various things involving her, he tells her that they will sit somewhere else ahead of time.
While I think it is better to sit by each other and show her we can get along just fine. If she agrees, I would have no issue spending most of the time with her dad if she wants, but I expect her to be around for my birthday.
Separate_Taste_8849
INFO: If the cruise has been booked for months, did your daughter know the dates, OK her participation to her dad and didn't tell you, or did she only learn the dates at the same time as you?
If it's the first, then it seems that your daughter prefers to spend the week with her father's family and so I wouldn't go, out of consideration for her. If the second one, it's a major AH move by the father (at 15, a person should have some control over how they will spend their summer) and a good cause for you to go to the same cruise, if you want.
Annnnnd the OP responded again:
IngenuitySerious6127
No, he booked months ago and never told her the dates. She just found out yesterday with me, and he told her he could not re-book it and that she would need to choose.
Goalie_LAX_21093
Having taken a trip for my 50th - why can’t you take your birthday trip a couple weeks earlier or later? That’s what I did / I don’t see why this trip HAS To be on your actual birthday. Also- there was a lot of “possibly”, “maybe” to your plans. You’re not even sure what you want to do. So, no, don’t go in the cruise with them.