So I recently had Covid and was super sick during the early days. One night, I had a lot of trouble falling asleep because of how uncomfortable my symptoms were making me (sore throat, stuffed nose, fatigue, etc.).
So I was up late reading trying to distract myself enough to fall asleep. Around 2 am, my bf wakes up (after sleeping for 3 hr) and asks me to turn off the light. I told him I was having trouble sleeping and reading was to help distract myself from how sick I was feeling. I also mentioned that I took some melatonin five min earlier so I was hoping it would kick in soon so I could go to sleep.
He insisted that I turn the lights off because I was being inconsiderate of the fact that he had to work the next day. I said that I normally don’t have the light on this late and it was only because I was sick and that I would appreciate if he could let it slide this time.
He was still upset. I offered to sleep on the couch. He continued to tell me how inconsiderate I was being and then said HE was going to sleep on the couch and stormed off.
He came back a few min later and continued to hound me. So I finally turned off the light and went to the bathroom. I broke down crying then because I was already not feeling good and the stress of the fight made it so much worse. He eventually came in and apologized and said to come back to bed and finish reading. At that point though, I just kept the light off and took more melatonin.
The next day, I asked if he would try a sleep mask and I would try a headlamp (less bright) in the future as a compromise. He refused and told me that I just had to turn the lights off past midnight.
I was frustrated because I provided a possible compromise and let him know that I understood his frustration so I wanted to find a way we could both get what we want, but he just kept doubling down saying I was inconsiderate. So AITA?
A lot of people have said I should have moved, I offered. I also offered to get a less intense light. If you have something to contribute other than suggesting things I tried, then please comment. I’m willing to hear people’s opinions.
That’s why I posted. But please don’t just read part of the post and judge before you have the full picture. Thanks. Also adding that we did isolate. He worked from home.
NTA. Does he normally demand things go his way? Even if I was being kept awake by the light, it’s one time and you are really sick and it just seems cruel. He doesn’t get to make the rules for when the lights go out and so if he “told” you all lights go out at midnight, that’s unacceptable.
Plane-Push5091 OP responded:
That’s how I felt about it. It seemed a little cold considering how sick I was. He isn’t very good at compromising sometimes. Anytime there’s conflict, he gets defensive and doubles down. Which sucks because I try to find compromises and hear his side.
It sounds like you are coddled
Plane-Push5091 OP responded:
Not sure how listening to people’s perspective when there’s conflict makes me coddled. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with empathy. I empathized with him and tried to find a compromise. I just wanted the same in return.
YTA. If you can't sleep, go to another room and read. He should not have hounded you but you should have been more considerate in the first place.
She offered to go to another room…
Yeah after he asked her to turn off the light at least twice; and was then mad. And sorry but if he stormed off to couch; somehow I don’t think she offered nicely; but then its 2a and maybe he was cranky. Or she was cranky as she was sick
I am an absolute asshole if I get woken up in the middle of the night. To the point where I refuse to sleep in the same bed as anyone, because I know if they wake me up somehow, sleepy me will 100% say the worst shit to them. It’s definitely not under my control, it’s like only the stupid half of my brain wakes up lol.
She didn’t need to offer, she should have just gone. She just expected him to stay up because she couldn’t sleep.
my partner and I used to have this problem as I stayed up pretty late and he got up early for work. the compromise that we came up with that was fair and has been working is that after a certain agreed upon time (our time is 11pm) the bedroom is for sleeping only. that’s what the bedroom is for and I think that’s fair.
I read, watch tv, and game outside of the room and only go in when i’m going to sleep. obviously very faint lights like my phone are fine if i’m watching tik toks with headphones in.
YTA because 2am is the middle of the night for most people. it’s easy for you to read somewhere else, it’s not as easy for him to sleep somewhere else.
NTA. First of y’all what’s wrong with some of y’all??? If light was on when he went to bed it didn’t wake him up. Her not being able to sleep probably did. She’s sick and he wants to be comfortable? Get tf out of here. IMO this is a great indicator how future illnesses will be handled.