Woman furious when husband buys the same gift for her and her sister. AITA? UPDATED.
When this woman is annoyed with her husband for treating her and her sister equally when it comes to gifts, she asks Reddit:
"AITA for getting upset by a gift my husband bought for me... and my sister?"
A little bit of context before I get to the main part. (I'm sorry if this is too long) I (36f) have been with my husband (36m) for almost 15 years, and married for almost 10 years.
Months after we started dating, my sister (41f) got divorced. Since she married young, she kinda drifted apart from her friends, so me and my now husband started hanging out a lot with her, trying to cheer her up, we even joked that she was our daughter xD.
So, after almost 15 years, she's not only his SIL, she's also his friend, and I'm cool with it, I love my sister and we get along great.
Ok, now, to the AITA part. Last year my husband tried to buy me an Astronord (a music reproducer) for Mother's Day (we have a 4yo daughter) but he didn't find it in stores, so he bought me a necklace instead and told me about his failed quest. I loved the necklace, no worries.
3 weeks ago was my sister's birthday, we gave her an Echo Pop, bought her a mini cake on her day (my parents, my other sister and nieces couldn't go to congratulate her in person) and took her to eat out. So I think we did great by making her feel loved on her Bday.
Today a package on my husband's name arrived at home. I told him about it. When he got home, he opened the package and gave me what was inside. The Astronord! I was so happy 'cause, from time to time, I talked about buying it myself, so I was genuinely surprised and touched...
Until he showed me another Astronord... He said it was my sister's birthday present... I got a little upset, I said "why the same gift for both of us?" He replied that for me it wasn't for a specific date, just a gift.
I then told him "how would you feel if I gave you a gift, and then the same gift to another man?" He felt bad about the situation and said that I shouldn't feel that way about it.
So I kinda ruined the mood with my reaction, but I felt uncomfortable by the same present... So... AITA?
Then, OP provides this update:
I looked up, says 64 dollars online, I'm from Mexico, and in my currency it's about 1k pesos, not super expensive, but our gifting to friends and family usually go on a bit lower costI don't think about the gift for her as something romantic, what bothered me was the "two same gift" thing...
I don't know, I feel like if he gave me the Astronord first and waited a few weeks for the other one... ( I know... Free shipping and stuff), or perhaps "the other one I'm going to give her this with our nephew"...
Let's see what readers thought. Turns out, many of them have had similar experiences.
cdnord writes:
YTA - I could kind of see where you were coming from until I looked up what an astornord is and realized it's a CD PLAYER. I thought maybe it was something kind of personal, or expensive, or unique, but a CD player?
I would agree with you if he got you both something that was sentimental specifically to you or something that was inappropriate to buy for someone other than your wife, but a CD player is so mundane.
If it's something that both you and your sister like (and it's her birthday, not him buying her a present for no reason), why wouldn't he buy you both one?
facingthemusic writes:
NAH. My husband once gave the same necklace (they were different colors but same design) to me and his female friend. I was upset, because I thought as the wife, I should not get the same gifts as his female friends.
Then he got one for our niece, and I realized not every gift is romantic. Sometimes men just see something cool and don’t realize the implications of giving the same gift to multiple women. He didn’t mean anything by it, but I understand why you felt the way you did.
wjl65 writes:
I'm a man. I tried to empathize with your husband. If I were to bet, I suspect this is your husbands thought process:
*Sees Astronord*
"Awwww sweet, finally in stock. Makes up for Mother's Day, plus I got her something on Mother's Day so. Double present. Good husband. Hell yeah."
*add to cart*
"Wait- isn't [your sister]'s birthday coming up? She likes music, too, right?"
*adjust quantity to 2* "I am f-ing slaying this gift season. I am the greatest gift-giver ever. That's what we call a two birds, one stone situation. Heh heh."
Here the process ends. He returns to fantasy sports or video games or creative woodworking or whatever his brain does on idle. Now the gifts showed up and you're mad and he's just bewildered.
Now, I was raised around lots of girls, so I get what is happening here. You feel the double gift shows a lack of thoughtfulness- a gift chosen just for convenience and not for the person.
I suppose it does- though in general you're fighting a losing battle looking for a man to produce gifts with emotional value every time. We just want to achieve purposes.
But the lack of thoughtfulness is toward her. Her birthday was the afterthought to just getting you something he knew you'd like and had a mission to get for you. He fulfilled his quest- and brought back two so your sister can have something nice, too.
If it was the heads of rival dukes and this was 1358, this would be a really top-class gesture. Your dad would have to up your dowry just out of respect.
epicratia writes:
I'm not understanding the issue here. You got a birthday gift from him you love. He ALSO got you the item you really wanted once it was available, to give you as a "just because." Not a belated bday gift, not making you wait for Christmas/Anniversary/Valentines Day, just as a nice surprise.
If sister ALSO wants or would like one, and he was already buying one, great chance for a birthday gift! Especially if it's hard to come by and he wanted to snatch up a couple while he could. It shouldn't at all diminish its meaning to you.
My husband often buys things for his mom or sister-in-law and gets an extra one for me as well if it's something he thinks I would like. I've never even once thought to be upset that he gave another female family member the same gift.
At first I was thinking your husband was ALSO giving her the same necklace, which could have been considered a more intimate gift, and yeah, that would make me uncomfortable. But it was a useful gift with no connotations or innuendo attached.
Either this is not really about this single gift, or that was a very odd reaction, honestly. YTA.
fotwa7 writes:
YTA. Man buys you a gift and all you can think about is that someone else got the same gift. That someone else being your sister. His SIL. Someone you both jokingly call your daughter.
Shows where your priorities are. Apparently you can't be happy if someone else is happy. Your happiness is contingent on it being exclusively yours. How pathetically jealous and insecure must you be to be upset that your husband happened to buy a piece of electronics for both of you.
Not some fancy jewellery or lingerie or something more romantic and personal, but a frickin Astronord. And let's not forget that he got you a gift just because. No occasion necessary. Just a gift for the woman he loves.
But nooooo, how dare he buy your sister the same gift for her birthday. The one day of the year she gets to celebrate herself and get gifts, besides Christmas probably. Doesn't matter that he buys you gifts throughout the year for I'm sure many different occasions.
Or no occasions at all as evidenced by this. No no, you NEED to be upset that your sister got a birthday gift the same as your "just because" gift. Like I said, your priorities are showing when you'd rather be upset that your sister got the same gift, than the fact that you got a gift. I pity your husband.