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'I think my husband is sleeping with the babysitter.' UPDATE 2X + OP RESPONSES

'I think my husband is sleeping with the babysitter.' UPDATE 2X + OP RESPONSES

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"I think my husband is sleeping with the babysitter."

Puzzled_Cut9144

I’m still trying to process this in my mind while typing this out. Husband and I have been together for 6 years, married for 4. We have 2 children: a 2 year old and 4 year old.

Both of us work full time, I’m realtor and husband owns his own business. We’ve had a number of different nannies in the past. Sometimes our parents end up watching the kids.

About 8 months ago my husband told me that one of his friend’s daughters (we’ll call her Ella(20F) was looking for a part time job during college. We live in a small college town, so her commute wouldn’t be far.

We tried her out one night, and it went smoothly. She’s always been nice to me, and the kids love her. My suspicions started last month when I came home early to find my husband had been home.

Ella was also at the house babysitting. I asked my husband why he didn’t send her home if he was home. His response was, “She’s just trying to make a little money, and that the kids were having fun”.

Then 2 weeks ago I drove by my husband’s office on the way to a meeting, and her car was parked there. I asked my husband later about what Ella was doing at the office. He said that she probably stopped by to see her dad.

Now when I come home home Ella is always dressed up more with makeup done, and heels on. 2 days ago I found strands of blonde hair in the back seat of my husband’s truck. I have blonde hair, but this was closer to Ella’s shade.

Also I don’t think my husband would do anything in the backseat since he’s 6’6 240 pounds. Last night I found the opportunity to check my husband’s phone while he was with the kids.

I didn’t find any romantic texts between them, but I could definitely tell that text messages had been deleted. If you read the conversation it didn’t make sense, because it was obviously missing the middle part.

I talked to my friend this morning, and she pointed out that my husband has a type (blonde women). Ella falls perfectly in that category. Should I confront him right now, or should I wait to find something more concrete?

A few days later, OP returned with a couple updates.

Nanny is currently at the house right now. Tracked husband using Find my iPhone, and he’s also headed home (30 minute drive). They both think I’ll be working until 7pm today.

I’m going to walk into the house 15 minutes after husband gets home unannounced. Not sure what the plan is if I catch them. I unfortunately don’t have access to his phone logs, since his phone plan is through his business.

We have cameras on the outside of the house. We have a baby monitor near the kid’s bed. I’m not ready to fire her unless I get solid evidence of my husband cheating. I need to know if my husband is having any sort of romantic relationship with her first.

Update 2

I wasn’t able to get the concrete evidence I was looking for, but some more circumstantial evidence. Tracked husband through find my iPhone. He stopped on his way home at the grocery store for 10 minutes.

I decided to park and wait on a side street. That way I could see when my husband would get home. Husband got home at 5:30pm. Ella was scheduled to work until 6pm. We have a long gravel driveway that leads to our house. I decided to park near the barn so I wouldn’t be heard pulling up to the house.

Walked in the front door, and found Ella feeding my 4 year old. She was also preparing dinner in the kitchen. Today she had on a tight top, skirt, and platform heels. I asked if she knew where my husband was, she replied “he was upstairs taking a shower.”

She then immediately went over to the living room to pick up her phone and send a text message to someone. Also in the living room were a fresh bouquet of flowers. I asked her about the flowers, and she said a guy she’s been seeing gave them to her today.

She said she didn’t want to leave them in the car, so she brought them inside. I asked her about the guy that she was seeing. She said he was from school, and wasn’t sure if it was going anywhere. I went upstairs to see if my husband left his phone was in the bedroom.

He left his phone on the dresser. Sure enough the newest text message was from Ella that read “Your wife is home.” I tried looking up the deleted messages on his phone, but they had been permanently deleted.

I decided to wait in our bedroom for my husband to come out of the shower. He comes out and is surprised to see me in the bedroom. Told him my 6:30 showing got canceled. I tried to initiate sex to see how he would react.

He said he didn’t feel comfortable doing it while Ella was in the house. At this point Ella was upstairs in my younger son’s room which shares a wall with our room. Ella leaves the house at 6pm with the flowers.

After dinner my husband mentioned to me about buying Ella a new car for Christmas, and his reasoning was that her car was old and not safe for our kids to ride in. I told him that I would think about it.

I’m thinking about firing her on Monday without telling my husband, and see how they both react. I’m still trying to process everything going on. Still hoping all of this is just me overthinking. I really love my husband, and I can’t stand the thought of our beautiful family splitting up. Thanks for all the advice

Here were the top comments. So far? No consensus.

ProudConversation520

He may not be sleeping with her… yet. But it sounds like she’s coming on to him. I would tell him that you’ve grown uncomfortable with her babysitting and you’d like to look for someone else. He honest with him.

He will probably get mad whether he’s cheating or not, if he’s not he will be mad that you don’t trust him, but hopefully he will agree to a babysitter change

OP

I think that her coming onto him is a really good possibility. I’ve brought up trying a different nanny, but he always says that the kids love Ella more than us.

Jazzlike-Engine-427

Yeah, I don’t think there’s enough info here. If you really think he’s cheating, I think further investigation is warranted before any accusations are made.

Acnh_evergreen

There’s no reason to be coming in heels and all dressed up to babysit two toddlers if there wasn’t something else going on.

OP:

I 100% agree with this. When she first started she would come in baggy clothing. Now she comes in dresses or skirts. My husband likes my nails white. Ella has white nails now too.

Primary-Criticism929

Whether he's sleeping with her or not, you're at the point of checking his phone and comparing shades of blond. To me, that means that you either didn't trust him before or are not trusting him anymore.

In any case, your marriage is in trouble and it's tricky because even if you confront him, he may just end up lying and/or gaslighting you and since you don't seem to trust him, the problem is going to stay put whether he's telling the truth or not.

My question to you is why aren't you trusting your husband ? Because what you're describing would not have lead me to go and check the phone. Those were two innocent situations you blew into considering him cheating.

OP:

He cheated on me once before in college. We had been dating for 3 months, and he promised it would never happen again. This is the first time since then I’ve ever suspected anything.

ApprehensiveSugar142

The weirdest thing about this whole thing is that she texted him that you are home.

All of the other things could have reasonable explanations (I guess, if you want to try really hard to justify the heels and flowers) but in all of my years of babysitting in my teens and twenties, I never would’ve texted the husband to tell him the wife was home…just why?! There is no way to make this make sense.

Gngrbby

To add to your comment, if her exact text was “your wife is home” then that’s super weird to me.

OP has a name, so saying “your wife” feels like she’s shifting ownership of the situation to him. Not OP is home, see you next time. Or OP is taking over the kids, bye. Etc. Like when one of my kids is naughty and I playfully tell my spouse that’s your kid. Very suspicious

445961

If he recommended her and this all started so soon they may have been communicating and have known each other longer than you realize

Murphy2345678

Find a new nanny. It doesn’t matter if the kids like her because they would rather have their parents together. If he keeps protesting flat out ask if it’s because he is sleeping with her?

Staceyrt

What did he buy in the supermarket?? Was it the flowers? Did she enter the house with the flowers - check your doorbell cam. I’d call her and fire her this weekend and start looking for a new nanny.

Either they are cheating - which is what I believe or with the high heels and sexy outfits she’s trying to help him cheat. Don’t pay for your replacement to learn from you. Get rid of her now. You need to confront hubby - no proof is needed, a nanny is two yeses one no. Exercise your no and hire a PI

Perfect-Confusion731

The text alone would have been enough for me. Why in the world would she need to text him that you’re home?

LilaInTheMaya

Trust your instincts. Is she the problem, or your husband?

Sources: Reddit,Reddit
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