'AITA for sleeping with my sister's husband?' UPDATED 2X and SCREENSHOTS
"AITA for sleeping with my sister's husband?"
Estimate-Kind
I (29F) find myself in a complicated and difficult situation that has strained my relationship with my sister (31F). I recently slept with her husband, and now she refuses to speak to me. However, I genuinely believe that I am not solely to blame for the fallout, and I need an impartial judgment on whether I am the AH in this scenario.
Prior to the incident, I noticed some questionable behavior from my brother-in-law (33M) towards me. Feeling concerned about my sister's well-being, I decided to address the issue with her. However, she dismissed my concerns, leaving me unsure of how to proceed.
My sister works as a flight attendant and is gone more then she is at home. My BIL recently lost his job and was feeling depressed. During one of her frequent absences from home, she asked me to keep her husband company.
She trusted me and didn't believe the warnings that I gave her before about his behavior towards me. But I saw this as an opportunity to support their marriage and help them rebuild their connection.
Unfortunately, as we spent more time together, our bond deepened, and we eventually crossed a line that should never have been crossed. We had both been drinking and he was complaining to me about the troubles in their marriage and how he hasn't been happy for a while. He was crying and I decided to comfort him.
One thing lead to another and we did the unthinkable. I woke up realizing the nature of what I did and immediately realized the reality of what had happened. We'd both been so intoxicated that we stupidly ended up falling alseep.
I awoke to my sister screaming and hitting the both of us screaming "how could you do this to me? We're sisters I trusted you?". She wouldn't even give me a chance to explain and kicked me out of the house.
Now, my sister refuses to speak to me. She has filed for divorce. Our parents are siding with her, saying that I violated every family moral. However, I believe that there are multiple factors at play here and I am not the only one responsible for the breakdown of their marriage.
While I acknowledge my mistake, I also question why my sister failed to address the issues in her relationship and why she left her husband in my care without setting clear boundaries.
I do feel a sense of guilt and remorse for my actions, but I also recognize that my sister and her husband had their fair share of problems. It's unfair to place all the blame on me when there were underlying issues that existed long before our involvement.
That being said, I understand my sister's anger and hurt. I am willing to accept responsibility for my actions and make amends. But, I also believe that it is crucial for her to acknowledge her role in this situation. Rebuilding trust and repairing our relationship will require open and honest communication from both parties.
In sharing my story, I'm just hoping for an unbiased judgment and some guidance on how to navigate this difficult, uncomfortable situation. AITA for sleeping with my sister's husband?
The OP then provided an almost immediate update based off of what you can certainly already know that initial readers had to say.
Estimate-Kind
Okay guys I get it. You guys have ripped me apart in the comments and yeah I admit I messed up. After deeply reflecting on my actions and seeking advice from others, I have come to realize the extent of the hurt and damage I caused to my sister.
I genuinely regret my behavior and am now fully aware that I was in the wrong. There's no excuse for what I did and I think I was trying to excuse my actions because the thought of it all ways too painful.
Last night after reading comments, I mustered up the courage to reach out and apologize to my sister. Unfortunately, despite my sincere efforts, she has not only refused to speak to me but has also blocked me from all forms of communication.
The fact that my sister has taken such measures is deeply upsetting to me. I yearn for her forgiveness and genuinely want her back in my life. However, I understand that I cannot force her to reconcile or forgive me on my terms.
I have sought advice from friends and family on how to navigate this situation, but it seems like the best course of action for now is to respect her boundaries and give her the space she clearly needs.
I have continued to reflect on my actions and have sought therapy to address the underlying issues that led to my hurtful behavior. I found some online help and plan on calling soon to get started up to help figure out the root for my behavior.
I am committed to personal growth and becoming a better person, regardless of whether or not my sister chooses to reconnect with me in which I will never give up trying. I have also reached out to mutual friends and family members, hoping they might act as intermediaries or offer support in bridging the gap between us.
However, I understand that they too must respect my sister's boundaries and not get involved in our personal dispute. My ex BIL has refused to pick up any of my phone calls through all of this.
I heard from my mother that he told her I initiated the entire thing and got him drunk then forced myself onto him which is the furthest thing from the truth. I can't believe he'd through me under the bus after I was there for him for so long. Guess I really looked like the fool huh?
The pain of not being able to communicate with my sister is devastating, but I am determined to learn from my mistakes and make amends in any way possible.
I will continue to work on myself and strive to become someone who deserves her forgiveness, even if it takes a significant amount of time. To say the past few months has been insane is an understatement. I feel like my entire world has caved in.
While I hold onto hope that one day my sister will be willing to reopen the lines of communication, I also acknowledge the possibility that she may never want to speak to me again.
Regardless, I will continue to grow, learn, and reflect on my actions, knowing that healing and reconciliation are processes that cannot be rushed or forced. I hope my sister sees my remorse and my effort to grow. I will update if anything further happens.
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
Medical_Collar_2678
Your logic is their relationship was already failing so your sister should take responsibility. Let me ask you a question using your own logic. Let's say your car is older and needs some work done.
If I come up and steal your car GTA style, and I total it. Would you be at fault for the crash cause the car was already "failing" or would it be me because I'm the one that took it and couldn't control the car and crashed?
See how dumb that sounds? If it was failing, then your job was to help your sister get through this and guide her towards counseling or a divorce. Instead you guided your way into his pants.
I think its more to the story and the more to the story is you had feelings for the BIL for a while and this "drunk" behavior made you act on it. You give off golden child energy in which you've rarely been held accountable. Oh, and if my comment wasn't clear enough, YTA!!
NefariousnessKey5365
Exactly YTA. Just because there were cracks in the marriage didn't give you any rights to break it. As far as boundaries. Most people don't have to be told.
Famous_Tap_3971
I just want to see how many minutes it will last before you delete the post.
YTA.
Sheshcoco
YTA. You slept with your sister’s husband and somehow you want to blame HER for it. Worse than that you want reddit to validate your insane logic. Typical side bitch mentally. Leave your sister alone you’ve damaged her enough.
Cguy203
YTA. Regardless of the issues, you betrayed your sister by deciding to sleep with her now ex husband. Literally, what compelled you to do this and what made you think it was a good to idea? If your sister and her ex were having issues, your should’ve just talked with her.
"Screenshots of my last conversation with her before she blocked me on my profile."
Update from OP after reading the comments:
Okay guys I get it. You guys have ripped me apart in the comments and yeah I admit I messed up. After deeply reflecting on my actions and seeking advice from others, I have come to realize the extent of the hurt and damage I caused to my sister.
I genuinely regret my behavior and am now fully aware that I was in the wrong. There's no excuse for what I did and I think I was trying to excuse my actions because the thought of it all ways too painful.
Last night after reading comments, I mustered up the courage to reach out and apologize to my sister. Unfortunately, despite my sincere efforts, she has not only refused to speak to me but has also blocked me from all forms of communication.
The fact that my sister has taken such measures is deeply upsetting to me. I yearn for her forgiveness and genuinely want her back in my life. However, I understand that I cannot force her to reconcile or forgive me on my terms.
I have sought advice from friends and family on how to navigate this situation, but it seems like the best course of action for now is to respect her boundaries and give her the space she clearly needs.
I have continued to reflect on my actions and have sought therapy to address the underlying issues that led to my hurtful behavior. I found some online and plan on calling soon to get started up to help figure out the root for my behavior.
I am committed to personal growth and becoming a better person, regardless of whether or not my sister chooses to reconnect with me in which I will never give up trying.
I have also reached out to mutual friends and family members, hoping they might act as intermediaries or offer support in bridging the gap between us. However, I understand that they too must respect my sister's boundaries and not get involved in our personal dispute.
My ex BIL has refused to pick up any of my phone calls through all of this. I heard from my mother that he told her I initiated the entire thing and got him drunk then forced myself onto him which is the furthest thing from the truth. I can't believe he'd through me under the bus after I was there for him for so long. Guess I really looked like the fool huh?
The pain of not being able to communicate with my sister is devastating, but I am determined to learn from my mistakes and make amends in any way possible.
I will continue to work on myself and strive to become someone who deserves her forgiveness, even if it takes a significant amount of time. To say the past few months has been insane is an understatement. I feel like my entire world has caved in.
While I hold onto hope that one day my sister will be willing to reopen the lines of communication, I also acknowledge the possibility that she may never want to speak to me again.
Regardless, I will continue to grow, learn, and reflect on my actions, knowing that healing and reconciliation are processes that cannot be rushed or forced. I hope my sister sees my remorse and my effort to grow. I will update if anything further happens.
Here's what people had to say after the first update:
Why are you suprised she has blocked you? Good for her
Estimate-Kind OP responded:
It's not that, It's just the fact that I can't even talk to her to fully explain. I just want at least a closure conversation.
Closure for what? She already knows you suck.
You should read your posts again. You keep talking about yourself and how you feel while you betrayed your sister in the worst way possible.
You dont get it, you are NOT the victim but your sister is.
Later OP came back with this final update:
Wow you guys are ruthless. I fully see that I was in the wrong and my behavior is inexcusable. I do not deserve to have her as a sister and I am literally a piece of crap. There's not a single insult you guys can give me, that I haven't given myself.
Suprisingly, my sister unblocked me, expressing her desire for closure and personal healing. It seems that she has reached a point where she needs to address the past in order to move forward, but she has made it clear that she doesn't wish to continue our relationship.
We had an open and honest discussion about the pain and hurt that had accumulated over time. It was an emotional and challenging conversation, but one that allowed us to express our feelings and seek some form of closure.
During our conversation, my sister made it clear that she has made the difficult decision to no longer have a relationship with me. She explained that she needs to focus on her own healing and well-being, and believes that maintaining a relationship with me would hinder that process. It was a heartbreaking realization for me to accept, but I understand and respect her choice.
In our conversation, I took the opportunity to sincerely apologize for any pain I have caused her. I acknowledged my past mistakes and expressed deep regret for my actions. While I had hoped for a different outcome, I understand that my sister's healing journey is her own to navigate, and it may not involve me.
Moving forward, I will continue to reflect on the lessons learned from this experience. I have come to understand the impact of my actions and the importance of personal growth and self-reflection. It is crucial for me to learn from this and strive to become a better person, even if it means accepting that my sister wants no further relationship with me.
While it is painful to accept the loss of a close bond, I will honor my sister's wishes and give her the space she needs to heal and move forward. I will continue to work on myself, seeking personal growth and understanding, and ensuring that I do not repeat the mistakes of the past.
This experience has taught me the importance of empathy, forgiveness, and respecting the boundaries of others. I am grateful for the opportunity to have had this conversation with my sister, as it has allowed me to gain a deeper understanding of the consequences of my actions and the importance of growth and healing in relationships.
This will likely be my last update as there's nothing more to say. I lost my sister and the respect of the people closest to me. But through all of that she is the victim, not me. I deserve this.
Here's what people had to say after the "final update":
This reeks of you patting yourself on the back for learning a lesson that’s common sense to everyone else. You could do all of us a favor by not posting your bull%$#@.
You can try as much as you like to portray this as a mistake you can grow from but reality is you will always remain a tainted homewrecker. You don't deserve a cookie for "learnings" that even a 14 year old knows better. All that happened was that you tried shifting blame and no one is giving you that.
But hey look on the bright side. Now you can actually sleep your BIL with the excuse that they are no longer together and paint this as falling in love at the wrong place in wrong time like all cheaters and homewreckers do. So that it seems like it was all worth something. /s