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Woman asks for advice on how to split expenses with boyfriend who owns apartment.

Woman asks for advice on how to split expenses with boyfriend who owns apartment.


'AITA for not wanting to split 50/50?'

I (F26) have been seeing my boyfriend (M28) for a few years now. He owns the apartment he lives in while I’m finishing uni this semester. I'll start making a decent salary starting January. He has wanted me to move in for a while now, which I would be excited to do, but we have some differences in opinions that we're having a hard time settling.

He wants to split costs (his monthly mortgage payments, plus bills, groceries, etc.) 50/50 as we will be making around the same amount. I don’t agree with this as it is his apartment, and by default I will be paying down his mortgage and will be left with nothing if we break up, while he'd his house, and interest from its rise in value.

I proposed that I'd pay 50/50 of all expenses, as well as half of the interest rate, but not contribute to the mortgage payment of his loan. This way I can put the rest of money into savings so when my savings are big enough we can go in on an apartment together that will be in interest for the both of us (or I can buy a share into his existing apartment).

He thinks it’s unreasonable that we wouldn’t pay the same monthly expenses when we both make the same, and that I am focusing too much on what is mine and what is his. Regardless, he says that rent will still be cheaper if we pay 50/50 than if I were to live on my own and then would have even less room to save.

This is true, but the share of expenses still doesn’t sit right with me. He has made small digs, hinting that I am trying to leech off of his investments by getting a cheaper place to live – which I don’t think is the case. I find that splitting everything 50/50 disproportionately advantages him and basically results in me paying down a loan that I have no interest in. AITA?


I will not be having “free rent”, the interest rate is quite significant as well as fees related to the apartment complex, plus insurance, etc. It is only the actual mortgage portion (aka the equity part) that is a matter of dispute. His expenses will be significantly lower if I move in than him living by himself as he is currently

I am not currently homeless. I'm living in a flat with three friends where I don’t mind continuing to living.

For everyone saying I would be paying down a landlords mortgage regardless, that is true, but our relationship is not a landlord-tenant relationship where the goal is for the landlord to profit off of its tenants. And this might be me that is being absolutely too stubborn - but yes, I would rather want to pay the mortgage of a landlord than have my boyfriend actively profiting off of me.

The reason the rent would be lower than if I got a place on my own is because we would be two people sharing one apartment, not because his is significantly under market value

Half of the expenses are still more than what I am paying in my current living situation.

He is not willing to enter an agreement where my rent goes into equity so I can gradually buy my way into the house

I do see a future together hence the wanting to save up to buy a shared home


tldr012020 says:

NAH. You both have a point, but the appropriate rent for you to pay is the LOWER of these two: 1. Half of everything, like he says OR 2. Market rate if you rented a room as a roommate.

He shouldn't be subsidizing your housing expense overall, but you shouldn't be paying more than you'd pay if he was merely a landlord.

AshesB77 says:

NTA. There is middle ground to be had here but you shouldn’t be paying half when he gets 100% of the equity.

Jade_Echo says:

NAH. I have lived in my (now) husband’s place and paid rent. And I feel exactly like you do based on how you said it. The difference is we had a formal agreement and an extra bedroom, so if we broke up, i was given 90 days and other legal protections.

His dad is a lawyer, and we had written in how if we got married, I would then have equity in the home equal to the rent I had paid (rent and utilities were separate), and his dad added a bunch of legal protections for ME that I hadn’t thought about. Basically if my then boyfriend decided to do something like cheat or whatever, he couldn’t evict me without X days notice. (I love my FIL.)

Random_474 says:

NTA. I think it’s so weird that people argue “if you pay a landlord mortgage you can pay your partners mortgage” no , one provides you more security via contract/lease and that is not from the partner

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