Spouse walks out, threatens to quit job to avoid child support and alimony. + Update
"My husband has walked out & said he is quitting his job to get out of paying any child/spouse support."
Immediate-Bee-5413
I am a stay at home mom with no job training yet to pull in a salary that would support my 7 year old child and I. My emotionally/verbally abusive spouse packed up and left on Saturday, telling me that he was quitting his $100,000 a year job to “avoid paying for child support” and that our child and I could “go live out in the street” once nothing is paid for and the utilities get shut off/the mortgage isn’t paid.
When I explained to him that that isn’t how the law works, he laughed it off and said that he doesnt care. After he left, he has blocked all communication. Once the groceries run out, I have no funds to buy anymore food. I have no family to turn to.
That monster controlled everything, including the money. Since he walked out, he has cut off all contact and refused to respond to any of my attempts at reaching out. I have contacted legal aid and was told that they cannot help me, that I will need to hire a private lawyer, which I don’t have any money to do and that was why I was trying to find help through them.
What he has caused my child and I is not only unforgivable, but it’s inconceivable and bewildering. I still cannot process it. I don’t know what to do now.
There is no way that I can find and get trained for a work from home job in time to keep the roof over our heads or food on the table. Where can I turn anymore without the ability to pay a private lawyer to hold him accountable for child and spousal support until I can find my own way??
Here were the top rated comments from readers after the OP's initial post:
Kaboom0022
He’s an idiot. And fyi for him, that will not get him out of child support. A judge will say “you used to make 100k, which means your support should be $x. You better go out and get another 100k job to fulfill this child support order”. Especially when the judge finds out he quit to not pay support.
AnyAssumption4707
Plus, if it means he’d live in poverty by quitting his job, it may just be an empty threat.
serioussparkles
And any back child support will be charged interest, and will continue to get bigger even after the child is 18. My niece is owed 46k from her dad and now that she's 18, the child support ppl are up his ass to pay finally so they can close out her case.
BiofilmWarrior
Check for domestic violence centers in your area and ask about resources that may be available to you and your son.
Mental abuse is just as serious as physical abuse.
Accomplished-Wish494
It doesn’t work that way, but that doesn’t make your next few months easier. Your kid is in school? Go get a job. Any job. Some income is better than no income. Call every good lawyer in your area, they will take your case contingent and your ex will end up paying for your legal costs.
Do this tomorrow. As soon as you send your kid to school. If your name is on ANY account, go to the bank, in person, and close the account. Take the money and open an account at a new bank in your name only.
Go to the your local benefits office, explain the situation and get emergency food stamps/cash benefits/heating help etc. they will know what’s available and how to help you apply. They will know where your food pantries are and how to access them.
In the long run, the courts will factor in his income ABILITY not his actual income. Chances are, he’s not really going to quit his job because he doesn’t want to live like a pauper. Do whatever your lawyer tells you to do, and do it exactly. They will probably tell you to stay in the house.
Eight says later, the OP returned with an update.
"An update on 'spouse threatened to quit job/not pay support'"
Immediate-Bee-5413
For everyone who was following my “Spouse walked out, threatened to quit job to get out of paying support”- Here’s an update, and this should be taken with great seriousness to anyone who’s been relying significantly or solely on their spouse for support.
While I was suffering and struggling to find legal aid, being turned away, going in endless circles trying to seek resources, looking feverishly into work training and financial aid options, and having a heart attack over the worries that utilities would be shut off and my child and I would have no food on the table soon, willfully abandoning spouse was out living his best life.
I found out that while I was having emotional breakdowns and crying behind closed doors after putting my child to bed, making phone call after phone call for legal help and being told that they couldn’t help me— Spouse was a state away drinking and playing poker with friends.
He thought about traveling down to Florida “where it was nice and warm”- Just for the fun of it. He went to the nicest restaurants and had sushi, steak, lobster, went to see the sights all around the places that he visited.
He never quit his job, he never intended on quitting his job, he took a week off so he could go on this little vacation and live it up while leaving our child and I believing that we were about to end up on the streets with nothing.
He stayed at the nicest hotels, and then fully expected for me to apologize to him for having had to spend one or two nights sleeping in his truck during his little vacation. Now that he has had his fun, he has told me that he plans to come back here because “it’s not like he can afford an apartment.”
And the best part of all of this? NOT ONE member of his family reached out to me to make sure that my child, their blood relation, was ok or to see if they needed anything. Do you know what I found out?
That the AH's parents offered HIM a place to stay with them during this time, while we were left with nothing but “what if’s”, uncertainty, stress/worry, confusion, and questions. HE was offered a place to crash. After everything that he out our child and I through, now he expects for me to just be civilized and accepting of this, and act like as though it never happened.
As a result of everything that I have learned in this situation, I am going to continue seeking financial aid and job training courses so that I am going to be prepared for a separation to actually happen and NOT need to scramble for help or stress about losing everything.
I’ve learned that it’s in my hands to look after mine and my child’s best interests. I’ve learned that I’m a horrible judge of character for marrying this guy, and I’ve learned that I cannot count on anyone in his family to show the slightest bit of concern for us or to offer us any help.
If you’re relying on a spouse who you even sometimes wish you could separate from, but procrastinate because you don’t have the skills to be independent, PLEASE start looking into financial aid and career training for yourself and your child/ren so that if something like this ever happens to you, you can be prepared and not expect for legal aid to just be there no matter what.
It’s not that simple or easy, and I have suffered a lot because I kept hitting dead ends. I’ve learned a lot of big lessons and I want to make sure I share this so that hopefully others don’t have to go through what I did.
Thank you guys SO MUCH for all of the advice and support here. It was one of the few things that kept me going. I want better for my child and I, and so should those of you whom are relying on a spouse to make the money.
Here were the top rated comments from readers after the OP's update:
Prestigious-Ear-8877
keep all receipts of him willfully withholding support to his child. His is getting very bad advice. Tell the judge he is willfully unemployed. You WILL get support.
Catzorzz
Correct! Went through the same thing and the judge bases child support on the amount he can make. They will use old stubs and tax returns. They do not count personal debt when it comes to calculating child support.
Callie0589
When I left my ex with two kids in tow, I would eat their left overs scraps each night because I wouldn’t afford to feed us all decently. Ex continued in the family home and contributed $100/month (made six figures), our mortgage was $2,600/month.
I was earning $42k and paying $1k for rent. Fast forward to judgement and child support was ordered. He also owed a year of CS arrears and alimony, which I waived because I didn’t want my kids lives with their dad to be negatively impacted by the financial strain and he’s been paying this mortgage in his own, which we short sold at divorce.
Fast forward several years, I needed to buy a new car, so I ran my credit report and learned he’d NEVER paid the mortgage and pocketed all of that money (almost $30k) while wining and dining other women. We were married for almost 20 years. So while I and his kids were scraping by, he was living it up.
Take him to court and get him ordered to pay child support. It never goes away, even if he works under the table. The moment he has a job, he’ll be garnished and owe the entire amount.
smurfgrl417
That's horrifically cruel. WHO DOES THAT!?! I am sorry that you are going through this, but at least now you see who he really is and can make fully informed decisions regarding him going forward. As awful of a silver lining that is.
Kaboom0022
Does he give you money for groceries? Make a second email that you don’t give ANYONE (with a fake name) and sign up for those apps that give you back money for purchases. Ibotta, rakuten, etc. It’s not much, but it will add up.
pryzzlicious
OP, you must do this. Another woman in this sub last year was finally able to leave her abusive situation after using all the cash back/gift card apps she could.