'AITA for leaving after my husband refused to sue his mother for all the money she stole from us?'
"AITA for leaving after my husband refused to sue his mother for all the money she stole from us?"
Specific_Ad5687
Please bare with me. I'm so distraught right now. I'm 30f and I was with my now ex for 7 years. In December we found out we were expecting our first baby. I'm due in 5 days. In April we mutually decided that I would leave my job because I had early signs of preeclampsia.
This heavily impacted our finances. We had almost $13k saved but given that we went from making $4.5k a month to $2k a month, it was still hard.
Well, my husband's older brother passed away a month ago in an overdose. He had been struggling for some time and my husband took it particularly hard, as his brother was his best friend before his addiction consumed him.
His mother called a family meeting a couple weeks later and asked everyone to pool together money for a proper burial, headstone and cremation. It totaled to almost $17k. Despite not having the money for it really, my husband offered what he thought we could afford; which was $1,500.
His mother basically said that wasn't enough and made him feel like sh*t about it. He argued that we only had one job and a baby on the way but that didn't matter to his mother and she started ignoring his phone calls shortly after the "meeting".
Fast forward to Thursday of last week... I got an alert from our bank account that $16.5k was withdrawn by check. The bank launched an investigation and got my husband's mother on camera cashing the check.
That was ALL of our money (it literally left us with $20 and no money again until he gets paid NEXT Friday). He doesn't even have money to get to work. I immediately told him I fully expect him to sue her, as the bank is ready to press full charges and has prompted us with how to do so. But he won't.
He said he "can't morally do that" because his brother just died and he says his mother wouldn't have done that if she was in a stable mind but she's clearly not thinking straight since the death of her son.
I'm literally due in 5 days and we have absolutely not a single penny to our name for our baby, let alone food to eat or money for bills. I told him if he didn't sue her I was leaving. Death or not, sound mind or not, we have a baby due and NOTHING left.
He still refused, so I left. I spent the last of the money to get a bus ticket to go to my mother's home without a penny to my name. He says I'm wrong because I left when he was literally broken (his brothers death has literally destroyed him). AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
AlannaAdvice
NTA, obviously. But how did your MIL get the check? Especially if she was not communicating with you both during this time? Are you sure your husband didn’t give it to her? That seems more likely. And he was hoping you would let it go. I’d definitely walk away too.
I’m sorry about his brother but his mother is acting unhinged and she shouldn’t be allowed to get away with it. Yes, she’s grieving but so is your husband, so are you. You already have a medical condition to worry about, this is so not helping. Can you sue her yourself, separate from your husband? If it was joint account, you should be able to, I think.
Specific_Ad5687 OP responded:
I'm assuming she had snooped when she lived with us and got a hold of our bank info. She lived with us up until 2 months ago and I had caught her going through our mail multiple times. I don't think he would have given her the money. Or at least he truly acted like he hadn't. He acted very upset/baffled that it was even happening.
AlannaAdvice
This woman is diabolical. I’m so sorry. Who can predict this level of crazy? But you are right to be upset and I hope your husband realizes just how messed up her actions are to a point he actually wants to do something about it.
Octuplicate
NTA. But I also recommend r/legaladvice to help you out. That is a terrible situation. Your MIL did something very bad.
EKGEMS
Not.the.ah. Look I’m not disparaging your husband but someone in this relationship has to think about pesky things like food,rent,diapers.etc. His concern for his mother’s feelings do not take precedence over your future. Idk a thing about the law but can you sue mil civilly? Good luck OP you are going to need it.
facinationstreet
NTA but you can sue. Your bf doesn't have to be the only one to sue.