Woman refuses to take care of husband’s sick ex; 'she is manipulating you.' AITA?
"AITA because I don’t want to take care of my husband’s ex wife."
Frosty_Tear3788
I 32f, has been married to a 40m for two years. He brought two kids into the marriage, and I have one of my own. We don't have any children together. My husband was previously married and has been divorced for about a decade. His kids live with their mother nearby like 20 mins away.
Initially, she showed some petty behavior, but nothing major. Shes very entitled and judgmental. She often make snide remarks about me working too much etc. She would make contrasting statements about me and my husbands marriage compared to hers.
To the point where one day I told her that her relationship with my husband was over and she need to move on. My husband backed me up and she stopped her ways.
I honestly don’t think she is over him. But that has nothing to do with me. She's unemployed since getting fired 15 years ago and relies on her kids to get more time and money from my husband.
She's been unwell lately, not managing her health effectively and have been using her condition to collect sympathy points from my husband. Asking him to be there at doctor's appointments, of course to watch the kids while she’s there. Asking him for rides constantly because she doesn’t feel safe driving. She always want to tag along when we take the kids out. She has a boyfriend by the way.
Lately she has been suggesting to my husband that she isn’t well enough to take care of her children. Right now they have shared custody and they are with us every other weekend, and during school vacations.
She told my husband that I should sell my house, which I bought before we met, to downgrade and buy a smaller home and build her a tiny house on the land close to us, to provide more support for the kids and her.
I was flabbergasted that he would even mention this to me. I couldn’t understand why I needed to sell my house to accommodate her. I offered to have the kids live with us, but she declined, stating that she prefers to stay close to the kids and doesn't trust us to raise them.
She has a boyfriend and family nearby but insists on receiving care only from us. Even saying that my husband made vows to her before he made vows to me.I feel totally disrespected, don't want to sell my house and dont want to have a grown woman freeloading off of me; I believe she should rely on her existing support system.
Some of my in-laws says I’m just being selfish and don’t need such a big house anyway. My husband hasn’t expressed anything either way. Which is annoying. I want to stand my ground but I’m starting to feel like an AH because she is sick.
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
SnooRecipes9891
Ew! NTA, she seems still enmeshed with your husband. Completely inappropriate!
Exotic-Army4006
Nta. I'd be making sure divorce paperwork was brought up because that's what direction I'd be going.
cthulularoo
This is extremely weird. Your husband needs to be 100% on your side. He needs to shut this down now. Not you, him. Otherwise he's in on it and you really need to look at this as a you vs everyone else problem. NTA for not wanting to help your husbands ex. Any family members who calls you selfish can step up and take care of her.
stroppo
NTA. You and your family are being taken advantage of. This behavior will only get worse as she ages. If your husband won't step up to help out, maybe he's the one who needs to find a new home....
Historical-Goal-3786
NAH/s. Why won't you do what she wants? Your husband is already taking care of her. She's your sister wife. Seriously, I'd tell your husband to shut her and your in-laws down or get out.
The OP responded here:
Frosty_Tear3788
Being a sister wife is exactly what I don’t want to be. I even mentioned this to my brother in law.
Still_Actuator_8316
NTA. She obviously still want him. But due to the kids there is no way to cut her out. Other then talking to you husband about setting hard boundaries with her. I dont have much advice.
Rattimus
"Because you DIVORCED HER AND MARRIED ME".
What is wrong with your dumb husband? I'm sorry if that's mean, but seriously, he's being a total moron here. It is very, very clear that his ex wife is not over him, and she is using their kids to get what she wants here.
I would frankly wonder if he's actually over her or not, as well. Doesn't seem like it to me. Someone who's moved on from their former partner isn't contemplating living with them on the same piece of property, and certainly wouldn't be bringing it up with their new partner! Especially when it would require their new partner to sell the property they came into the marriage with!
Honestly, this is actually an insane post to me. I'd say he cannot be serious, but as I go along in life here, I realize that crazy stuff like this actually does happen between people, and more frequently than I thought.
He can, indeed, be serious, and if I was OP, I'd be serious, too. Serious about putting your foot down or exiting the marriage. It's time he cut off his ex. His kids will be fine, if he's smart, he'll tell them what's happening so she can't spin the narrative on him.
Ok_Play2364
Walk away now. This is just plain weird. Why are you interacting with your husband's ex inlaws? Who cares what they think? His ex wife obviously inherited her crazy from her parents.
The OP then responded:
Frosty_Tear3788
Update: thanks everyone. I think I need to stand my ground here. I’ll speak with him tonight and will update. I’m really tired of his ex and don’t think she should be the main character in our lives anymore.