In a post on Reddit, with some wild updates, a woman asked for advice, got advice, took the advice, and dealt with the consquences.
So my good friend 'Aaron' and his girlfriend 'Mary' have been together for almost 7 years. They met in college and are in a very close relationship. Personally I would call them extremely codependent. Neither of them really have any friends aside from each other.
She doesn't let him have guy friends. In fact she doesn't let him do a lot of things. He's not allowed to go out past 11, not allowed to drink or smoke, she has to approve of all of his friends, and he's not allowed to be alone with other girls. She's got this guy on a tight leash.
The reason why they're still together is that Aaron is completely whipped, and to him she can do no wrong. He talks regularly about how amazed he still is that she finds him attractive. (He's a decent looking guy, but she's like super model level good looking).
They post cutesy couple photos every day (im pretty sure she makes him post them) and to everyone who sees them they appear to be the perfect magical fairytale couple.
Anyway a few weeks ago he told my boyfriend and I that he was planning on proposing to Mary. Of course we congratulated him because he seemed super excited.
Now here’s the issue: a few weeks prior to this, I hung out with a friend of Mary- 'Alison'. Alison told me about a party they went to where Mary got drunk and slept with her ex. After the party they began hooking up regularly. Aaron has no knowledge of these hookups.
I told my boyfriend about it because he shares my friendship with both of them, and he believes that we need to say something but I'm not so sure how to even go about that. It will destroy him, ruin their entire relationship and maybe a friendship as well.
However I think in the long term he will be unhappy with a marriage where she's so controlling. Not even that, but if she's completely okay with cheating on her long term partner it will be the same once they're married.
Is telling him the right thing to do?
To clarify, the cheating has not been going on for 6 years (as far as I’m aware) and the hookups occurred recently.
Some of the commenters are calling me a bad friend for not telling him immediately. After giving it some thought and reading the comments, I have decided to tell him as soon as I can, most likely tonight if he’s free to hang out.
To those saying I’m being a bad friend for waiting: this is a huge deal, and it will greatly affect the future of Aaron, and I want to make sure I break the news in the correct way. This man is blinded by love. He’s not going to be expecting this news at all and his whole life is about to change.
I’m definitely not going to do nothing, because he deserves much better than this woman, and he deserves to know the truth about what he’s getting into if he still decides to marry her. I’m expecting a full blown shit storm, I’m expecting him to be hurt, angry, in disbelief. I don’t believe it’s wrong that I’m asking for a bit of advice on how to approach this.
Should I have told him sooner? Maybe, but what difference would a few weeks make? For all those asking, I’ll post an update when I do it.
I've talked to Aaron since I posted this and he is coming over tonight to talk/hang out. My bf and I are going to tell him together because he knows the situation as well. A few of you have suggested I talk to Mary first to give her a chance to come clean.
While that's a good idea, I'm not as close to her as I am to Aaron, and I don't see that going over well. I would much rather tell him and leave it to him to decide what to do from there
New information has been received from the third party friend Alison. She has sent me screenshots of texts that do prove Mary has been involved with her ex. They send messages regularly.
Aaron came over at around 8, and what was great was that Alison came over too. We all sat down and talked for a bit, and we all told him our suspicions about Mary. Alison showed him the text screenshots of Mary talking to her ex, and also told Aaron all the stories she shared about her sexual encounters.
What was the most surprising was his reaction. He took it very well. He first got very quiet, and just nodded. Aaron ended up telling us that he had a sneaking suspicion that something was going on.
He was not aware of the hookups, but he and Mary had gotten into fights before over the fact that she doesn’t allow him near any other girls, but she goes out and flirts with other guys all the time. He told us that she had been distant lately, and would leave rather often without telling him where she was going.
There were a few other small things he mentioned that told us he was just generally unhappy with his relationship. He knew in his gut something was wrong, but wanted to believe it wasn’t true.
We started unwinding with some alcohol after that and it all got way more emotional. He cried, talking about how he felt stupid for not seeing it sooner, how he really loved her and would’ve given her anything. Then he got angry. At her, and even more so at the guy. Some unpleasant and derogatory terms were used to describe her.
Ultimately he told us that he’s going to be breaking it off at least for now. We told him a million times how much better he deserved. He’s definitely not going to marry her.
Thanks again all for the supportive words and advice. We saved a good man from heartbreak!
For anyone asking: they are married as of last summer. No clue how they’re doing, as my boyfriend and I have cut all contact aside from like Facebook and stuff. They have a dog, and wife wants kids now. Husband is still hella whipped.
We always got the vibe that he had low self esteem and just settled for her because he didn’t think he could do better. I feel bad for him, but also you gotta stand up to that crap. Being alone is better than being with a shitty person who doesn’t care about you. That’s why we kinda cut contact. We told him not to do it.