In this post OP, who is a trans man, asks a very serious question: Is telling your fiancé to dress the way you want them to for your work event, controlling them in a way you wouldn't want to be controlled yourself? Here's his story...
For background, my fiancé (30 cis f) works as an executive at a big company and gets to work from home in leggings and crop tops. She is regularly stating she loves that about her job–that she can do dyed hair, tattoos, etc. and they don’t care.
She also comes from generational wealth. She is also white. Comes from plantation money.
I do not (trans 29). I came from poverty and “trailer trash” and worked my way up to become a professor at a nice private college. I am Latinx. I love my job. I can wear dyed hair and tattoos and piercings too, but I dress professionally.