'Did I mess up by letting my coworker move in with me?' UPDATED 5X

"TIFU by letting my coworker move in with me?"

As the title says, I FU by letting my coworker move in. Throwaway because reasons. I won't bore you with details of how. But I'm a widow, aged 38. After losing my husband ten years ago, I decided to transfer to a different state in my career. I sold our home for a tidy profit, bought a good size four bedroom house and started new.

I've been in this area for seven years, and never really dated. Went on some coffee dates, but nothing that made me want to stop wearing my ring. I know kind of sad, still wearing it even after my husband is long gone, but I never felt the need to remove it. After losing my husband, and having uterine cancer soon after made me infertile, I just decided to coast.

Enter my coworker Jason (fake name), who transferred in a year ago. He's in the middle of a nasty divorce. His parents live close and they want to sell and move to a warmer climate, but not until the end of the year.

Rent and housing had obviously skyrocketed, so I offer him a bedroom in my home. He mentions he can't because he has two little girls, 6 and 7, and his wife wants everything but them, and she's willing to sign over rights as long as she gets their house. After a discussion I agree to let him and his daughters move in for 30 days as a trial.

Well it's been nine months and it's been amazing. Unfortunately I've fallen in love with him and the girls. My house finally has sounds of happiness instead of echoes of lonliness.

I haven't felt like this since my wedding day when I got married at 18, and I am so scared. I tried squishing down my feelings but I can't. I threw myself back into the dating game and tried going out as much as possible, every time leading to disappointment.

Jason came to me last month and advised his parents are moving at the end of this year, and he would "finally be out of my hair." His parents would be letting him move into their house, and he and the girls would have their own place.

I congratulated him and offer to help pack the house and decorate the girls new rooms. Well he was able to move in last weekend. Hence, where I FU. BIG TIME.

The last day he and the girls were here, I made a huge goodbye dinner. As the girls climbed into his car to go to their home, I hugged him probably too longer, and went to kiss him on the cheek. He went to do the same, and well, we missed. I kissed him. And he kissed me.

And neither of us pulled away until one of his girls made an "EWWWW" screech from the car. I mumbled to drop my key off under the mat when he was ready to, and closed the door on him. He knocked and asked to talk later, but I didn't open it or respond.

I had taken this week off anyway, for Christmas, and am avoiding his texts and calls. My voicemail is full from him. I go back to work Tuesday and will see him, and I'm dreading it.

Here were a few comments on the post that kicked off the saga:

AnneAcclaim:

Is this a romcom?

Middle_Manager_Karen:

RomComs would end a lot sooner after 20 minutes of unanswered texts

ExoticButters79

Um I'd start with having the conversation you are avoiding. This doesn't make sense and kinda sounds like a hallmark movie script

Leaky_eddie

STOP DENYING YOURSELF HAPPINESS AND SELF SABOTAGING. that is all.

mlkbird14

Call him back immediately. Don't even finish reading this post. Call him and talk it out. Vulnerability is brave and it is honest and it's disarming. You have nothing to be embarrassed about. Call him. Now.

Two days later, OP returned with an update:

First, thank you for the messages, the responses, and the accusations of this being a Hallmark special. Trust me the last person to play me IRL is Candace Cameron-Burr, or LeAnn Rimes.

I assure you, I'm hardly a dainty blonde who swoons at the sight of 'piercing blue eyes' and a 'dazzling white smile'. I actually have black hair, can hardly be called "Dainty", and Jason has brown eyes, but my husband did have green, so if you want to bank on that you're welcome to.

This will be difficult to explain, but I hope I can make it easy to understand. My husband and I were basically born to be together. We had known each other from nursery school. I fell in love with him before I even knew what love was, and stayed in love.

We got married at 18 and 19. We were planning a future. We had bought a house. We had career goals. We had retirement goals. When I lost him I felt like I lost a lifeline. My time with him wasn't enough. It would never be enough.

I had what everyone wants and deserves, and it was taken away from me. Just understand how freaking unfair that is. Okay?

After some heavy thinking/drinking, I came to the conclusion that when it comes to Jason, with him living here, it was the life I should have had by now. I should have had my husband here with me.

I should have had the two kids we planned on having, in a house with noise and toys and laughter and cries and spats between siblings. This should have been my life.

But the person there was the wrong person. It wasn't my six foot two green eyed monster of a man. And as much as I loved them, the girls weren't ours. I miss my husband, and I miss even more the life we were robbed of.

I think it was Betty White said, after her husband passed away, she wouldn't date or marry again because she had the best, and nothing would compare to it. That's me. That's the truth. Absolutely nothing, and I mean nothing, would compare to my husband. And right now, I don't want anything to compare it too.

That's what I told Jason. After reading the multiple texts of him just asking me to talk, saying there was something we had and he didn't want to lose, then him getting angry because I wasn't responding, then apologizing for being (rightfully) angry, then just asking if we could go back to being friends and forgetting everything that happened.

When I got that text, I put my adult pants on and called him. I told him everything above. I told him everything I didn't mention on here because it would be too revealing. I told him that he was freshly divorced (or will be), and I wasn't the rebound type of person.

Him and his wife haven't even been separated for a year at this point, and with my insecurities and comparisons to my marriage, it wouldn't be fair to pursue anything right now, especially with him. He's fresh off the block here, still hurt at his own marriage failing.

Because even though I think I fell in love with him, I need time to confirm if it's with him specifically, or just with the life I was supposed to have.

Thankfully he understood. And thought I was possibly correct in my assumption that he was jumping into something we weren't ready for. He asked if we could still be friends, and I jumped at that option. I missed him, missed the girls, I missed having a meaning instead of just coasting.

He asked if I could come over for Christmas. I bought the girls some presents from me, and Santa, so I said of course, and I'll come over later tonight once the girls pass out. He seemed really happy with this.

I asked him not to tell the girls I was coming over, and we could have that damn adulting talk that a phone conversation won't cut it for. He promised to slip the girls a Benedryl/Nyquil chaser to make sure they stay asleep. I'm pretty sure he was joking.

So. That's my update. We're friends-ish. I see him tonight. And I'm more nervous than a prom date. But look at me Reddit, I communicated! I got my Big Girl Trousers on! They're horribly scratchy and uncomfortable and are probably going to give me a rash by the end of it. TL:DR We're friends until I mess it up again.

A few more comments before the tale continues...

S-Selcouth

Pulling for you OP. Every good relationship requires the ability to solidly communicate, and the fact the two of you were able to do so over your insecurities as well as your legitimate concerns shows that this is no Hallmark special —

but two caring adults who care for each other and feel something of a connection but are also adult enough to recognize they have their own baggage to work through separately.

Hoping your Christmas is a good one. Tell him if he threatens to drug the kids again you'll kick his ass, and he may be joking but you aren't.

OP:

Thank you so much. To be completely honest, I'm too scattered for a Hallmark Christmas ending. After my husband passed, I never believed in happy endings. I'm still a skeptical person regarding them, but time will tell. For right now, I miss more than anything is my friend, and I'm glad he didn't ghost me like I did him.

Oh, I have my revenge for the drugging the kids comment. I had already found plenty of gifts that take batteries and are loud enough to wake the dead. And extra batteries. So while it wasnt vengeful at the time, it is now, haha.

Nacari0

Give us an update in some months when ur together

Synn0289

100% take your time, but tbh after reading both your posts, I think you should try it. Clearly, you see a good person in him.

Around the same time, people discovered a man's post that seemed extremely familiar.

Not my main, that one is known in some subreddits. In November my family and i moved towns into a neighborhood near my parents. I wanted to be close to them, they're in their 70s, time's taking their toll on them. My wife wasnt too keen on it but our 2 kids were happy to see their grandparents more.

I commuted to my job until i was able to get an in town transfer to my current location. Come to find out my wife reignited an old flame of hers (why she didnt want to move) and started cheating on me.

My third month into my new job, she tells me she wants a divorce, wants the house, and wants to sign over the kids. Her boyfriend has his own kids, and they wanna move into the house and be one big happy family.

I move into my parents place. They got 1 spare bedroom cause the others basically storage. My kids would be staying with their mom til i can find at least a 2bedroom.

My parents lay it out to me they wanna move by the end of the year and either sell or give me the house. I just have to do something by then. Rent's nuts out here, then my wife throws on me her new man and his kids are moving in NOW and not getting along with mine.

So she agrees to make it quick and sign over rights to mine as long as she keeps the house. I had become friends with Hope at work. The day came i told her about needing to move and find a spot for me and my kids she offered her home.

I asked if her husband would mind, and she told me she didn't have one anymore. See she still wore a wedding ring and i never bothered to ask about it, just always assumed she was married. Appears he passed away a decade ago and she just still wore the ring.

We move in and it's a dream. I see this woman in a light i never thought of before. My kids loved her, she never put their mom down, she made them breakfast, lunch, dinner on her off days and she would take them out to do girl things that i had no idea.

She even took them school clothes shopping when I ran short on time to be able to do it. Hope just seemed happy as hell to be around us, and have us there. She was this warm, beautiful, caring woman i didn't notice cause i was too tied up in my own mess to see it and her ring threw me off.

The day i got my parent's house, i made a big mistake. I kissed her. She freaked out, asked me to drop my key off later and ran inside. I texted her and called her, but she didn't get back to me for a week.

She said that with me being freshly divorced that she didn't want to be a rebound, and she didn't want me to be one, either. I said she was right, just to placate her, but she isnt. I asked her over for Christmas and she said yes cause she has gifts for my kids.

She came over and spent the night. She slept on the sofa, and hung out with us until after dinner. My kids were thru the moon with her there, and now they keep asking when theyre gonna see her again.

We've been great at work but I keep wanting more. I dont know if i should just date or whatever. She dated while we lived there but nothing ever happened after the first or second date. Its getting harder to see her as just a friend anymore.

Now back to her: a New Year's update titled, "I hope you get a kiss tonight."

Just like the title says. I hope you get a kiss tonight. This is just an update for me. I'm finding it therapeutic to type this out. At least then it's not just playing in my head. I spent the night at Jason's Christmas Eve. We talked for hours, until 2AM. It felt like home again.

We both ended up falling asleep on the couch, and the girls woke us up. We did breakfast, we did lunch, we did presents, we did dinner. When I finally left I thought I had some closure.

I noticed Jason was on his phone more often this week. Finally I got it out of him. He downloaded some dating app and had a hit. Not shocking it was so soon. Jason is gorgeous. Okay? He doesn't look like he's in his 40s.

He is so strikingly good looking, I used to joke with him that he looks like a GQ model freshly stepped off the page. And he's funny. And he's smart. And he doesn't deserve to pine after someone who doesn't know what in the Hell she wants, because she never thought about it before.

He asked me to babysit the girls so he could go out on a New Years date. I had to say yes, or whatever we talked about Christmas Eve wouldn't have mattered.

So here I am. Alone on New Years. Drinking his fancy expensive scotch we drank on Christmas that he got as a wedding gift because I have to charge something for this babysitting gig.

And feeling some type of way because he's out there, with someone else, ringing in the New Year. And he deserves to be happy. And I do too. I just put the girls to bed, I knew they wouldn't have lasted til Midnight. Like I said. I hope you get a kiss tonight.

His next post: 'AITA for asking a woman who i thought had feelings to watch my kids when i went on a date?'

Long story short I'm divorced. It was finalized a couple of months back. During the mess of my divorce, me and my 2 kids moved in with a coworker named Hope for about 9 months, give or take.

She was great to us and my kids loved her, and to be honest i felt the same. I thought what she felt for me was more than friends so i kissed her before i moved out to my current place. It ended up being a mistake, she ghosted me for a week before she finally called me. i thought we got over it over christmas.

Well i didnt wanna hold back for a woman who didnt feel the same, so i did the dating app thing and got a date for new years. I asked Hope if she could watch my kids while i went out, and she agreed.

I went out, had a great time, and came back at 3am to Hope passed out on my sofa. I threw a blanket on her and went to bed myself, expecting to make breakfast for her and mine but she left before i woke up.

The morning after i asked her, if she could watch my kids again while i set up a 2nd date. She immediately declined, saying she was having her sister and brother inlaw over this week.

Her sister has 3 kids of her own, and yeah Hope has a big house but with everyone there she wouldn't have time to watch mine. I understood and said id find other accommodations.

Well this morning I see Hope tagged in a sappy post by who i assume is her sister, and i check that page. Sure enough it is her sister, and her sisters family is spending the next three weeks out of the country and not with Hope.

Now i know she only has 1 sister so i asked her what was up. She kind of stuttered a bit, and said yeah she can watch my kids and to go ahead and set up the 2nd date. When I asked her why she lied to me she brushed me off and told me to stop being an AH and i got what i needed.

AITA for even asking her again? I know she lied to me bout her family visiting. She told me she didnt have any feelings for me like i do her.

And back to her:

Well. I've been asked for an update, I'm simply here to please the masses. The masses who messaged me, the masses who posted on my posts, the masses who were extremely correct and I had absolutely no idea how utterly brilliant and wonderful (about 90%) of you are.

I posted here because I needed to vent, and throw my FU at people, so they could see that even I could do something as silly as fall for someone I shouldn't have.

Not when I still wore a wedding ring from someone who left me (very tragically, I will add. But not elaborate on) a long time ago. The ring told me my heart and soul still belonged to someone else, even though I didn't have theirs any more.

I posted here because I needed to vent out everything. Needed the give myself closure. Needed to figure out why this man, whom you now all know as Dan, rocked my universe by just becoming a part of it.

I was told to go for it, and I excused it all with "No, I'm still a mourning widow who can't fathom taking her ring off!" I theoretically clutched my pearls at such a thought. But you guys want to know the good part though, don't you. And you guys *deserve* to know it, too. Because if it wasn't for you, there wouldn't be a good part.

On Christmas Morning, he was making breakfast. I came to the kitchen, and had to do a double take. Granted I was uncaffeinated, so in my sleepy state I had expected to see my husband.

But when he turned and smiled at me with a grin big enough to reach his eyes, I didn't feel sadness, or disappointment that those eyes weren't green. That he didnt give me a cute smirk like my husband used to, but a whole smile with SO. MUCH. DAMN. TEETH.

For real, Dan. You have so much teeth, and I for one and so happy your girls have your smile. And that you have great dental.

It was then I realized, I was fucking wrong. I wasn't prepared to be wrong, to lose my grip on my pearls, so to speak. I just wasn't prepared. I wasn't ready to see someone else in my dreams. I sure wasn't ready for that someone else to be someone I considered my best friend for a long time.

So, when Dan had asked me to watch the girls so he could get a second date, to be honest, it hurt. Like Hell. Even though I told him to move on, I was pissed he did because I didn't.

I fumbled up an excuse about my sister coming over, but obviously didn't think it clear enough that my sister and her family usually head overseas during this time. Well, he found out she *wasn't* gracing me with her presense and asked me why I lied.

I just kind of said Oh, yeah I'll watch the girls no problem. But he said he already had a sitter, and said he wanted to know why I lied. I said I didn't, I forgot, but lo and behold, when you live with someone, they pick up on your tells.

Dan said "No, you're lying. I don't care if you can't, or even if you're not up for it. That's fine, just be honest with me." I called him an AH, and said I'd be there, just tell me a time. He said to come over for breakfast and we can 'talk out whatever is wrong with us like adults, Hope, that thing we're trying to be?'.

Well apparently that night he made a post and a few of you guys found some similarities that were a bit too convenient to be coincidental. So late that same night, I get a call from him, which I ignored twice. Third times a charm, and I proceed to advise him where to stick a few choice amenities for waking me up until he blurts out "You named me after your cat?"

Yes. I named my cat Jason. He's a seal point and he has a cute mask and he's the size of a small dog and looks at me like he wants to kill me in my sleep. I absolutely love him.

So. We talked for about a half hour or so? Until he said he had to see me, but he wasn't going to leave his girls alone that late, and asked me to take a personal day tomorrow, and he'd do the same. I said no, but I could come over.

He said only if I could stay the night. So I grabbed some extra clothes, put on my comfy bright pink bear claw slippers, yes they're as magnificent as they sound, filled the feeder for my chubby boy Jason, and headed over.

We talked until about 3am, and he said he was going to take a personal day, and said I should do the same. Well at that point you couldn't twist my arm fast enough, so I agreed to it and went to grab some blankets, but he stopped me.

He asked me if I could try sleeping in the same bed as him. The typical fare of he'd be over the covers, I'd be under them, he promised to wear clean underwear, yadda yadda.

Color me surprised at agreeing with him. And me crying for the first twenty minutes, and being held by someone who didn't understand why, but understood that I just needed to freaking cry. And then being held by someone because I needed it. And then being held by someone because I wanted it. And then being held by someone because they just wanted to.

And, yeah. I fell in love again. Okay? I freaking fell in love. Again. Except this time I know what it is. And it was happening long, long ago and I was too scared to understand it. But I should have noticed something when he transferred in and I saw him the first time.

He was handsome, not even he can deny that. But when he smiled, with all those damn teeth, he just became so much warmer, and, real? I guess? I just felt like I had to be near him.

Even when he made horrible dad jokes, and gave himself heartburn with his spicy food addiction, but refused to take responsibility for it. I lived for those moments. And when they were gone, I was absolutely miserable.

I never knew how falling in love felt. My husband and I, we were born in love with eachother so I never experienced this before, so I was scared. And don't get me wrong, I'm still scared. I've been on theme park rides less anxiety inducing than this.

We agreed to take this one day at a time. We know we're going to have set backs. And we know we're going to have to hide it from the girls, for now. I'm also transferring departments, to keep things a bit more under wraps.

But we're trying it. We are TRYING IT. We're making it happen. I'm in love with him. I have been, I just had no clue what it was. It felt like I was floating, and was trying not to sink. And when I met the girls had no choice but to drown and just succumb to the peace.

I have Random Redditors to thank for saving me from a lifetime of regret. Big girl trousers are ON everyone! Although he still can't believe I named him after my cat. Well I love my cat too, theres that :) (And my cat loves the girls)

Let's check back in with the commenters:

lilzyp

You have brought back my faith in happy endings. I wish you, Dan and the girls all the happiness in the world. Xxx

OP:

Thank you so much. I'm still shook up, completely. It's so new, but, it's not. It's different, and scary, but I'm ready.

Thin-Molasses4130

I am so damn happy that this crazy story I fell into while reading an AITA post has lead to something so amazing. I wish you, Dan those girls and Jason the cat all the best!

And finally, a year later, 'Hope' posts another update:

Well, it isn't much. It is with a very heavy heart that Jason [the cat] officially has left me for Dans' girls. While him and I are still taking it slow, we have come to the conclusion weekends are Jasons, and Jasons only. Jason has adopted the girls as his own Hoomans and >appears pitifully sad when they arent here.

Personally, I believe it's the extra treats they're giving him when their father and I aren't looking. Cats are so easily bribed, and my chubby boy is no different.

Tonight, the girls curled up watching Encanto on my sofa with Jason laying inbetween them. They're currently fast asleep, and Jason is giving me the evil eye for even fathoming waking them, and taking them to bed. The horror.

Dan just tucked them in, pet Jason while the cat glared murder eyes, and relinquished to his fate of being the Second most important male in his daughters lives.

We're meeting parents in a couple weeks. I changed departments at our job to have a strict early morning shift while he has alternating shifts, so needing a sitter is a rare occasion, thankfully.

Now I'm more nervous about meeting his parents. I know mine are happy I found someone that made me as happy as my husband. He hasn't told me too much about his parents just yet. Might be a good time to ask?

So for right now, we're just plodding along, enjoying our time. It's boring, and completely Hallmark, as everyone says, but, I'm so very, very happy. :)