'AITA for thinking I’m just wasting my time with my pregnant GF?'

"AITA for thinking I’m just wasting my time with my pregnant GF?"

I BF (27M) have been noticing my (32F) pregnant GF getting very distant and regretful lately. Is it just me and I’m wrong? She has been saying some very concerning things lately and it’s just making me question everything.

This was a planned pregnancy and we were so excited when we found out. The 3rd month of the pregnancy her grandmother passed away and now she is a totally complete person. Almost a month now and it’s been 19+ days we’ve slept in the same room, held each other, watched tv together, went out together, have had any time of affectionate behavior.

She just has this vibe that I’m like repulsive now. She moved into my house two months ago and hasn’t brought up any complaints financially. But all of a sudden the other night, right before she went to bed , she told me that she needs to figure “her” life out and needs things to change.

I stopped what I was doing and my brain was just frozen. She has a 9 year old already and he lives with us, and he was in his bed already. I said, "what do you mean by that?'" She looked away and just said "I don't know, I just need to figure my stuff out and see what I’m doing.”

I said what do you mean your stuff? This isn’t just you anymore (she’s been single the last 3/4 yrs doing everything on her own) it’s us. I said I don’t ask you for money nor have I been complaining about anything along those lines so what is it? She just avoided the questions and kept saying idk and just walked away from the convo...

I tried to get her to tell me what was going on and she just went to her son's bedroom and closed the door on me... She brings him to school at 8am and I don’t see her until 5/6pm (like avoiding me?) I bring it up and she says I’m insecure or I’m overthinking?

She states she’s with her mother (who doesn’t work) or helping her sister out (that has a job) and she doesn’t reply anymore at a reasonable time... She will be active on Facebook or Snapchat and just not reply to me?Ill be like hey what should I make for dinner?

She'll go you know you can eat alone right? I don’t always have to be there for you to eat or wait on me? Then I’m like tf, are you for real right now? Then she will again I over think this and that then hang up...

This is probably the toughest thing I’ve been through, wanting to raise a family with someone who is just now a totally different person... She now just brought up she doesn’t want to keep my last name and doesn't think our kids should.

I said that’s a thing that separated couples do and she instantly goes (there it is! My son has me and my ex's last name is that a problem for you!?) and I go, "see my point? You guys are split up. So are you saying you aren’t feeling this anymore or something like this is just random?"

She gets p!$$ed, sits down and just ignores me and starts texting. Then, she gets a call and says she has to go. I sent her a text 2 hrs ago and I got nothing back. Then, I sent her another text and I still got nothing.

I’ve read online sh!+ about this and they say people grieving are influenced by their hormones and it can be a nasty thing and maybe I’m just overthinking this but I honestly don’t think I am anymore...

Here were the top rated comments from readers:

Europeangirl101

Unfortunately, no one can know what's in her mind, so there's no way to tell you if you're wasting your time with her or not. It could be the grievance and hormones or it could be something really different, that's impossible to tell.

What I would suggest that you do is to give her a little space. I hate playing mind games and not directly tell my husband what bothers me, but other people aren't too great at talking about their feelings so, give her the time she needs until she comes to you.

I know it's the hardest thing to wait without knowing where things are going but she will be infinitely grateful to you if you don't ask any more questions and just let her come to you when she's ready. Best of luck! NAH.

Warrior4Tony

NTA. Hate to put it this way but she probably doesn’t want to be with you anymore. Idk why but that level of coldness and callousness reeks of resentment, which is probably the worst element that can be in a relationship. If I were you I’d just ignore her the same way. Forget dinner or this or that. Do that for a week or two straight and you’ll find out exactly what’s going on.

TransformOG OP responded:

Yeah that’s exactly what I’m sensing..Thank you!

Warrior4Tony

For sure. I’ve been in a similar situation and the way she’s talking to you and treating you…yeah man. Like I said don’t put in any effort beyond what’s needed for the baby, she’s clearly looking in a different direction and is being straight up mean.

Don’t text don’t offer anything, you’ve already done your part. Week to a month of that treatment, basically roommates, no hatred or abuse just minimal interaction would help your sanity.

TransformOG OP responded:

I even said that to her!I said I just feel like we are just roommates and she goes “did you really just f^%$$g say that!? With what I’m going through! You’re selfish and petty! And I ask how and she just beats around the bush.

We were supposed to tell both our families tonight that she is pregnant and I just don’t want to. I asked her last night how we are going to do it and when. All I got was in too tired right now for this goodnight. Didn’t even bring it back up today.

Jayybirdd22

So her grandmother passed away a month ago? Jesus f-^%$g Christ - this isn’t about you. She’s grieving and maybe her grandmother passing has got her thinking about what her life is like and what she actually wants from life. YTA for not being compassionate and not trying to actually talk to her.

In a separate post OP added:

She has become extremely distant,barely has conversations with me and if we do it’s instant attitude or doesn’t wanna talk. She’s on her phone a lot but takes forever to reply back to me.We went to her ultrasound appointment today (first one she didn’t want me to go.) and she didn’t wanna talk or wanna be touched.

She lives with me and her 9yr old son, she has become very explosive lately towards everyone. She hasn’t slept in the same bed with me 18 days now, I bring it up and she just says I’m overthinking it and her son just wants to sleep with her. We literally don’t do anything alone, she only wants to do things if her family is involved

We’ve had this conversation already about whats happening and being distant and she says she doesn’t know hopefully it’ll change in 3 months or so? So here I am..Stuck,with do continue to feel isolated with the woman I love and continue to be miserable in hopes that she will change? But what if she doesn’t?

So that is all going through my head and I’m just landlocked.Holding it all in but it’s not healthy,and I don’t wanna explode.