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'WIBTA if I refused to give my fiancé money ever again?'

'WIBTA if I refused to give my fiancé money ever again?'

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WIBTA if I refused to give my fiancé money ever again?

My fiancé and I have 2 kids. We agreed that I'd stay home and care for them until they both go off to school. He'd pay all the bills and such since it'd be a lot cheaper for me to stay home versus sending our disabled child to daycare.

I received some money for Xmas from my dad that he told me to spend on myself and the kids. Fiancé found out about this money and asked to borrow it. I told him i didn't really want to since we needed diapers and wipes and other stuff for our kids and I planned on buying those with the money my dad gave me. (My mom ended up buying them as a late gift)

Fiancé decided to write out a 'contract' that stated he legally had to pay me back in 2 weeks. I added in that if he couldn't pay it by his own deadline that he'd owe an additional $100 and he agreed to that. He signed the contract and marked it with a thumb print and everything.

The first deadline was on the 13th this month. He paid me $5 back of the $125 he owed me by then. The second deadline is the 31st. He's now telling me he just can't pay it back and is saying that partners don't do this.

That they're supposed to help each other out etc. I told him it was his idea for the contract and that he agreed to both terms (its even on video of him signing it btw)

My thing is, I wouldn't be so pressed about being paid back if the day I lent him the money he didn't decide to buy $60 worth of weed instead of paying his car note like he said he would.

He's saying I should be more than glad to help my partner who's struggling. Which I would be. If he wouldn't spend his bill money on weed and the lottery.

So I told him either he can pay back the full amount of $225 that he AGREED to paying me or he will get absolutely nothing from me anymore. I have zero income. The money I get is gifted to me by family or on the rare occasion from him.

I've been trying to find a work from home job but haven't found one I qualify for yet. And since he doesn't work a regular job I can't just work on his off hours since he doesn't have a set schedule. Some days he works mornings some days he works nights and he doesn't know until the day of or the day before.

AITA here?

Here were the top comments on the post.

LotsofCatsFI

You have a much bigger problem here - you have 2 kids with a man you don't trust to pay you back $125. I agree that it sounds like you are RIGHT to not trust him, but how are you going to raise 2 kids with someone who you can't trust with $125? NTA

stab

NTA. He's right, partners don't do what you two did. But if mine asked to borrow money when I don't have a job and then blew it on weed and lotto tickets I'd be furious.

Honestly I feel like you should have already figured out they are an AH. They're putting you through financial abuse and are clearly unreliable and untrustworthy.

Moose4523

Why is this person a fiancé instead of an ex who pays you child support? Y T A for that, NTA for not enabling him further by giving him more money.

Spicyturtle38

NTA but this man cannot support you while you stay with the kids, and if/when you get a remote job that’s not going to change- it will, in fact, get much much worse. Can you imagine how he will manipulate this situation when you have income?!?!

Girl, run. He is not a mature enough human for the commitment and support you need and deserve.

OP added a lengthy edit to clarify a few of the details from the story.

Edit: this got a lot more comments than I anticipated and I'm still trying to read through them all. I saw a lot of questions so I wanted to make an edit to answer as many as I can instead of repeating myself a million times in replies.

When he and I had first gotten together he was doing a lot better financially. He wasn't spending his money on weed nearly as much as he is now. He was actually providing at first.

Even when we had our first kid 4 years ago he was still pretty good. We planned on stopping at one kid until our oldest was much older so I'd gotten on birth control not long after having our oldest.

My birth control ended up failing and I found out I was pregnant too late to do anything about it. At that time things were still a lot better than they are now so I figured things would stay good after having our second.

When I was still pregnant with my youngest, our oldest became disabled. She suffered a terrible fall that drastically changed everything for us. She's been in and out of the hospital more times than I can even count. It was sudden and unexpected.

She was already receiving Medicaid so medical bills weren't and aren't an issue thankfully but her disability has still taken its toll on everyone.

When he asked to borrow the $125 I told him no at first but he kept insisting that he'd lose his car if he didn't make the car payment. It wasn't until he answered a FaceTime call from his dealer with me sitting next to him that I found out that he had used $60 of the $125 to buy weed.

I saw someone say I smoke too in the comments, I don't. I tried weed once when I was like 20 and hated it. I've told my fiancé that I was okay with him smoking as long as it didn't interfere with necessities even before having kids with him.

He seemed to be on board with that for years and years then it's like a flip switched. I still don't mind him smoking, just as long as our families needs are met first.

I also saw some people suggesting to do Uber eats and stuff like that, I definitely would but we are a one car family and he always has the car when he works otherwise I'd be out there doing deliveries.

I have applied for disability for my oldest but the process is still on going so we haven't received payment yet. I do try to do surveys to make a little extra money every chance I get but I'm going to look into the work from home suggestions some of y'all had and try to get one asap.

I do receive wic and Ebt so I buy most of the food. He buys anything extra and pays the rest of the bills- or rather he's supposed to. He doesn't tell me much about his finances so I don't know exactly how much money he has coming in and how much the bills are. When I ask him he gets pretty angry so I just drop the subject.

A lot of people also suggested I should leave him. I know that's probably for the better but it's hard when you still love someone. He was a great partner for years before we had our first and he was a great father for awhile after having our first. I don't want to just throw that all away. I hope I explained things a lot better.

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