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'AITA for not telling my husband I'm pregnant — to save him from himself?' UPDATE

'AITA for not telling my husband I'm pregnant — to save him from himself?' UPDATE


It's incredibly, wildly, miraculously rare that something nice happens on Reddit's Am I the A**hole forum. Enjoy this. It could be years before it happens again.

WIBTA for not telling my husband I’m pregnant until after he’s back from his trip?

My husband is a stay at home dad to our 4 year old daughter, he is an extremely devoted and loving dad who has barely spent any time away from her and she is a major daddy’s girl.

In two weeks, he’s going to his best friend's from college for a whole week. He's going to be reuniting with his college friends that he hasn’t seen or spent time with all together since our own wedding.

He originally wanted the three of us to go, but I convinced him to just go himself because I think being alone would make him enjoy it more so he didn’t have to do childcare, I think our daughter is too young for that big of a trip for people she’s only met once, and also I’m planning on taking a week off work and would love to spend one on one time with her that we so rarely get.

This morning, I learned that I am pregnant. We have been trying for some time now and really want lots of kids, so I am over the moon and I know my husband (and daughter) will be too.

I have not told my husband yet. My first pregnancy he was a huge prepper and when I first learned I was pregnant he went into overdrive with preparing, researching, and taking care of me.

He was incredibly helpful and loving and it was so sweet but he also really worked himself up and got stressed. I don’t think it’ll be as bad with this one but I could still see it being a lot.

I honestly don’t really want to tell him until after his trip, in 3 weeks even though it’s a huge secret for me to keep. I think he’ll potentially be “upset” (which with him is very very tame) when he finds out I’d known for 3 weeks but would get over it fast.

My concern with telling him is I could honestly see it ruining his trip. I can just imagine the constant texts asking me questions for the millionth times or sharing his most recent thoughts.

I really, really want him to have a chill and fun trip and be able to decompress. And for myself, I want to be able to just focus on having a great time with my girl. But, I also don’t want to just hide something so hugely important to our family from him since he obviously deserves to know.

I can’t really decide, WIBTA if I decided to wait to tell him until after his trip?

The comments were positive — with one cautionary refrain.


NTAH. That being said, make sure that you don't tell anyone else until he knows. Try to plan some sort of surprise for him when he gets home, not a party or anything just something small to surprise him with the news. Congratulations!


NTA, but don’t tell anyone else, until after you tell him.


Nta You could make a surprise for when he comes back 😊 My sister in law did this for her husband She waited 2 weeks to tell him on gis birthday cause they had been trying for 3 years and finally had money put aside for ivf She went to the first appointment and found out she was pregnant


NTA, but as others have said don't tell ANYONE else unless you want the universe to conspire to have him find out from someone that isn't you. don't tell your parents, don't tell your siblings, don't tell your inlaws, don't tell your friends. you're taking a risk telling us here.

the moment you tell anyone else, the odds are 100% that they'll tell somebody else either intentionally or not, and that will continue in a chain until somebody posts it on facebook or twitter and it goes on a whole big string of connected tellings until somebody on your husband's trip finds out and tells him.


NTA. But you do realize that this means you can't tell anyone(especially your daughter) until he gets back just in case someone accidentally slips up and tells him before the trip, and kids especially are notorious for not keeping secrets.

A few days later, an update on OP's dilemma.

So I hadn't planned to give an update so soon but even though I’d planned on waiting until after my husband’s trip, after a few days it became clear to me I could not wait that long lol.

He definitely knew something was up with me, I’ve been getting crazy excited and been chomping at the bit to tell him, and honestly it just didn’t feel good to keep something that big from him for so long.

We have been trying for this baby for close to a year now and it’s such happy news and I decided it’s just not worth it.

But, I still wanted to give him the surprise I had planned. I asked him to go out to the store to grab something really quick, and before he got home I had my daughter put a shirt I’d gotten her that had ‘only child’ crossed out with ‘big sister’ written underneath.

When he came through the front door she sprinted to him yelling about how her shirt had a secret message for him. He was very taken aback lol and it took him a second but once it clicked he was beyond excited, as was our very confused daughter once we told her.

She started dancing around the house singing about having a baby sister (which she is adamant it will be) and it was just a really good day.

He is still going on his trip and has not been even close to as stressed as he was last time. If anything he’s looking forward to it even more now because he knows it’s going to be a last chance to really decompress before things become a whole lot crazier.

Thank you so much everyone for all of the lovely comments and responses that I got, I really appreciated them all. I showed my husband the post and admitted my original plans and he got a big kick out of it lol, but he’s very glad that I told him before the trip. Thanks again 💕

The comments were uncharacteristically celebratory.


Aww amazing! This so wholesome & nice to see a nice update with all the depressing dramatic stuff that’s on here! All the best girl!


Oh lord you’re all so cute. Congratulations and may you four have all the blessings in the world!



Happy you decided to be honest with your husband about something you had both been trying for. It’s clear this lifted some weight off his shoulders and will add a spring in his step at work.

Wishing you and your family the best.

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