'WIBTA if I tell my sister that our other sister had an affair with her husband?'

"WIBTAH if I tell my sister that our OTHER sister had an affair with her husband?"

I (29F) have two sisters, 'Jess' 32F and 'Lina' 34F. Jess and Lina used to live in the same small town about twelve hours away from me, my brother, and our parents. Then Jess moved here, for better job opportunities and for more help with my niece 'Amy', 12.

Jess hasn't even been in town for three months yet and last week she went and dropped the terrible bombshell on us. Jess spent a YEAR sleeping with Lina's husband, 'Jeff', and they even had a miscarriage together in that time.

Lina has absolutely no idea. Jess brought us all (me, parents, my husband, and my brother) involuntarily into her mess by just breaking down and dumping this all on us in tears, after sending Amy off to play.

Apparently she was 'too guilty to live with herself without getting it off her chest somehow'.

The family is going nuts trying to decide what to do now. We urged Jess to come clean HERSELF to Lina, but she has flatly refused, saying that Lina is her best friend and she loves her too much to lose her friendship.

And also that she feels it will break Lina's heart and destroy her family. Lina and Jeff have four kids together, my nieces and nephews ranging in age from 18 to 10.

A big part of me feels like Lina DESERVES to know, no matter what. But two things are really giving me pause. The kids, and Lina's feelings. The kids love their dad, love their house, love their land.

They'd be ripped away from all of those things in a divorce, would they not? And I worry a lot about how Lina would cope, if she knew. She's been such a devoted wife to Jeff, and she DOES consider Jess to be her best friend. It feels cruel, to shatter her reality like that.

Jess is pretty much dead to me over this. So is Jeff. I don't know what to do and I'm very torn. I just want to do what's best for Lina and the kids. Should I speak up, since Jess won't? Or no? I know infidelity is a sore subject when it comes to whether or not to speak up. I need help

Shiny-baby-cheetah

Damn. I'm really sorry this is happening to your family. That's terrible. This is a tough situation for sure but ultimately, I feel like even though it's terrible news, someone has to deliver it, because Lena deserves to know. NTA but be prepared for the backlash.

OP

I agree with you that she deserves to know, I just HATE that Jess won't be an adult and do it herself. It's her mess and she went and threw it all over us

Old_hamster_4218

This is going to get dark. It’s a matter of time until she finds out anyway. Do you want to be the sister that knew something, and decided to protect her cheating husband and sister? That is how she will see it. Even if your intentions were to spare her feelings.

OP:

How do you TELL your sister something like this? :( I'm at a loss. And I'm so worried about her and the kids

Agile:

Do it like an intervention. Everyone who knows should be there. Except the cheaters.

OP:

Wait, so like grab Lina without the kids or Jeff or Jess, and all of us sit her down and tell her? This sounds like it has potential but I just have no idea how we'd swing the logistics :( Lina lives 12 hours away from us, how would we get her to leave the kids with Jeff and get her to come back here without raising suspicion?

Agile:

Maybe go to her? I guess the first step is to brainstorm with everyone who knows. Because the longer you wait the greater the risk that she will find out and know that no one told her. Then she will be isolated from her entire family.

OP:

You have a good point, I'll bring this idea to my parents

Punania:

It sucks but you have to tell her. If she finds out on her own, you will be part of the betrayal and complicit in the actions of your cheater sister. By not saying anything, you are in essence giving tacit approval to the affair, and I doubt you want to be on that side of things.

its_nicB1tch

If I were Lina and I found out you knew and didn’t tell me, I would personally take that as a betrayal. It’s awful but if Jess really won’t tell her I think you should, or at least get a family member to do it. It will be hard, she will be beyond hurt, but she needs your support right now

ETA I’m sorry your sister put this burden on you, it’s completely unfair and shouldn’t have been your responsibility

OP

Thanks. We're floundering right now. Never in a million years thought I'd have to make this decision

Bitter-Fishing-Butt

LiNa'S mY bEsT fRiEnD

are you sure about that??

Jess sounds like a terrible person right now :/

Bonm42

YWNBTA and you should absolutely tell her. All your concerns, Lina’s feelings being hurt, kids lives being upended are already at risk of happening.

They have been the minute her Husband decided to be unfaithful, and her Sister/Best Friend betrayed her. You will not cost Jess her relationship with Lina. Jess cost herself that relationship.

The only thing not telling Lina will get you, is hurting Lina even more. Imagine how hurt she will be if she finds out he cheated AND her Family knew of her Sisters and Husbands affair and did not tell her.

JTD177

Jess has made her bed by betraying her “best friend” you have now unwittingly been made an accomplice in Jess’s betrayal of Lina. Time to stop fence sitting.

FAFO-13

Tell her. Your other sister sucks, and she deserves to get publicly roasted for this.

1000

NTA. As someone who had a friend tell me about a cheating ex, I can say that Lina will appreciate it in the long run. Jess and Jeff made their bed and they can lay in it. Both of them are the true AHs.

Chaoticgood790

YWBTA if you don’t say something. If she does find out and she knows you didn’t tell her? You would be dead to me too. Right now she’s living a lie, having her health compromised, missing out on affection, finances, etc because it’s going to your other sister.

Tell her and tell her quickly. It’s not going to end well but at least if she has support she can get through it. Do not let her get blindsided

Also Jess isn’t going to say anything. She’s selfish which is why she was fucking her sisters husband. So I wouldn’t even give her time to prepare just tell Lina. And then tell Jess to fuck off

Much_Field_1984

Lina deserves the truth. And telling her WILL NOT destroy her marriage, that was already done by Jeff and whatshername. They destroyed it by committing adultery. Imagine being in Lina’s place and everyone knows but you.

Now that would piss me off. Btw, how rich of whatshername to say she loves Lina, couldn’t keep it in her pants but she looooves Lina, what a hypocrite. Nta- tell her. Better a painful truth than a pleasant lie.

No-Display-3729

So, you didn’t discover this. Jess told her siblings and parents. Lina will already feel devastated and betrayed. If all of you keep quiet, Lina will feel betrayed by all of you.

Her sister and husband played her for a fool (they suck but this is how she will feel) and if you keep silent you become another person who has betrayed her. Tell Lina.

I would have so much anger in your situation but if you stay silent you are siding with Jess and you need to condemn this behavior by being honest with Lina.