Wife learns husband is leaving $60K a year to 'sugar baby' in his will. AITA?
Well, this is a strange marriage.
One man wrote to Reddit to ask for advice about his will after he learned he had cancer. He says that he has been married to his wife for 32 years and they had an arrangement. They decided to open up their marriage and he began dating a much, much younger woman. Now that he is trying to get his affairs in order, (pun intended), his wife is livid at the amount of money he is leaving his 'sugar baby.'
'AITAH for leaving money to my girlfriend in my will?'
I (55M) have an arrangement with my wife (54F). We have been married for 32 years and around year 15, the love life started getting stale. Around that time, we were both in our late thirties. Our two kids were in that pre teen funk and my career was accelerating at a speed that I never anticipated while my wife had just gone back to work part time.
All that is to say I was spending a lot of time away from home, my wife didn't seem to mind that, and did not seem to care that nobody was initiating intimacy anymore.
A few years go by and we wake up at 46 and 47 to realize how much tension there was in our marriage. We finally had the money, a house, and friends we wanted, but there was mutual resentment. After trying three therapists we accepted the fact that we were both no longer up to being intimate with each other.
My wife and I agreed that we could both have flings on the side as long as we did not humiliate each other. However, while she did sleep with one other man on and off, she said she was happy being sexless.
Meanwhile, I, 5 years ago, started a discreet relationship with my girlfriend (28F). Over the years I began to have feelings for her. She's had trouble with depression and employment so I pay her rent and buy her some things. My wife isn't thrilled but said she's fine with it as long as the money doesn't make a real dent in our finances.
However, now, maybe as punishment for my unhealthy life choices, I have cancer. That's when I realized a lot of the emotional bonding I've done over the years have been with my girlfriend. I regret the fact that I cannot marry her and wanted to show that I care about the years she's sacrificed for me.
My wife and I signed a prenup because I was going to med school and she, in her youth, had money problems. It entitled her to half my estate, but the other half I could do what I wished with it.
I decided to meet with my lawyer and give 20 percent of my liquid assets to my girlfriend. In addition, she would be given an investment property I had which would yield her about $60,000 a year in rent money.
I told my wife right after I met with my lawyer and she was furious. She said that she tolerated this girlfriend but leaving her money went too far. She said that her main concern was that I was taking away from our kids and they would have to find out about this.
I told her that my girlfriend means something to me, even when I tried to not let that happen. And reminded her that she agreed to the arrangement and she would still be getting the bulk of my estate.
AITAH? I manage our finances and a lot of the money given to my girlfriend she will be the only one besides me and my lawyer to have access to. My wife will also get her fair share. And no there are no alienation of affection laws in our state.
Here are the top rated comments from readers:
dude, your 'girlfriend' was actually your sugar baby, and has tolerated you for all the money she was able to squeeze out of you. she hit the jackpot with a terminal dunce who is about to set her up for life.
INFO: Why did you tell your wife AFTER secretly meeting with your attorney and making these new provisions? Why wouldn’t you discuss with her beforehand?
Because his wife literally means nothing to him. She only supported him to reach his career highs and raised his children. But you know, she's worthless because she doesn't put out anymore. Sarcasm.
YTA. You can leave your money to whoever you want. BUT...
You told your wife, now sit down and tell your adult children! You owe them at least that much. If they find out after you die when they hear the will you will destroy their worlds. They will question everything about the relationship they had with you throughout their lives.
They will feel their entire lives has been nothing but lies. They will hate you and wonder why you would do this to them and why you never really loved them. I know you probably do love them but if you let this come out after your gone they will never believe that.
What happens between you and your wife is one thing but your going to destroy a lot of lives.
If he has the absolute audacity to leave that much to a SUGAR BABY, he absolutely needs deal with the fall out.
OP, you need to tell your kids now. If I was your wife, I'd already be on the phone with them. They have a right to know and you have 100% of the responsibility to deal with the ramifications.
Also, I'm curious about who will be taking care of you, coordinating services and medical appointments, executing your funeral requests, paying for the funeral, spending time with you, be there when you take your last breath? Those are the most important people in your life.
People say money doesn't equal love, but I disagree. In my opinion, inheritance shows people who you care about, and who you want to take care of. Are you actually going to document your sugar baby as being more important to you than your children? Are you actually going to humiliate your wife on such a public scale?
Death is not just about you. I am truly sorry for your diagnosis, but you need to do better. Don't leave an absolute sh*t show for your family.
YTA. Your agreement with your wife was that the money spent on your sugar baby (she's not a girlfriend, you walnut) didn't impact the family finances. Leaving her a chunk of money that's supposed to be for your wife and kids breaks the agreement.
You're going to force your wife to just divorce you and take all your sh*t if you keep this up.