"AITA for burping in front of my husband?"
I’ve (30yo f) known my husband (30yo) since high school. Been married a year now and today he tells me that he gets uncomfortable when I burp. When it’s just us. I’m not a slob. I quiet burp and cover myself when in public, but my husband is my safe space and felt like I could be myself and not worry about being judged or feeling uncomfortable.
He says that I’m too comfortable around him. But aren’t i supposed to feel comfortable around him? I understand he feels uncomfortable but I also can’t help but feel hurt at the fact that it feels like I can’t be my true self with him… I do say excuse me.
It’s in my nature to be polite , but of course I’ve known this man for a long time and am now married to him… AITA for burping in front of my husband?
I don’t burp on purpose. I drank water and I burped to release the air and that’s when he told me. My body was just doing it’s thing. I can’t make myself burp on command, it’s not something my body does. We are absolutely comfortable taking a sh&^ in front of each other so I don’t understand why this is bothering him.
Why do I have to conceal my bodily functions to keep being s*&y and preserve the mystery? There are other ways to keep the mystery going. AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
YTA. Apparently unpopular opinion: Our loved ones don't deserve less consideration than the general public, they deserve more.
If you can 'quiet burp' in public, why are you randomly doing gross loud burps in front of your spouse who's trying to remain attracted to you? Like, 'safe space' is good, but 'keeping the magic alive' is also good.
Would you like it if your husband acted one way prior to marriage, and then suddenly dramatically changed his behaviour after marriage? Would you not feel like he was taking you for granted, like he suddenly considered you 'trapped' after you said your vows and now he doesn't have to 'try' anymore?
Like his behaviour while trying to get you to say your vows was an 'act', and now that you've 'committed', he can stop 'pretending' to be the person you thought he was, and he can 'be himself' (his real self, the self he hid from you while dating) and blast you on the internet if you complain?
PSA: You at your slobbiest is not your 'true self'. Yes, all of us burp. That doesn't mean we have to burp or poop in our loved ones' faces or else we're not being 'authentic'.
It sounds like you've conflated the ideas of 'being yourself' with 'exerting no effort whatsoever', and that's just not reasonable. If anything, our most real selves are the selves we are when we're doing our best, which usually involves some level of effort and consideration for others.
EclecticBitch OP:
I NEVER said I did it on purpose did I? I burp because I drank soda and the gas needs to be released from my body. I don’t do it to make him uncomfortable. It’s funny how you’re assuming this when I never mentioned I’m purposely going out of my way to make him uncomfortable.
He’s never told me by burps made him u comfortable until today. I respect his boundaries but this is something new he’s brought up. why would I tell him something he’s been doing that I don’t like and I want him to stop?
He’s natural to him. He scratched himself and sniffs it and instead of me telling him to stop I accept that’s what he does and have even learned that we naturally do this to make sure our bodies are healthy.
innershow87n writes:
NTA. This husband, he never burps, f&rts, scratches b@&ls, or picks his nose? He's never thrown up? Drooled when he sleeps? These things happen to human bodies.
I mean, if you're acting like a jackass kid and swallowing air on purpose to emit high decibel belches, stop! But the soda burp or beer burp is all part of life's effervescence.
lazygoth writes:
I agree NTA and you should absolutely feel comfortable around your husband. If his genuine annoyance is you’re not being “polite” or “feminine” then that is as se&ist and he needs to get over it.
Still NTA but the only thing to consider is does you husband have misophonia? I do, and it doesn’t present with everyone. For example I can’t stand the sound of my dad clearing his throat, but if my daughter does it, it’s totally fine.
If he does his comment could have been inadvertent, I sometimes compulsively mimic. This is my problem and I’ve taken steps towards resolving it, but it might be worth having a conversation with your husband to see if this is the issue.
Later OP added this in the comments:
It seems I need to clarify some things. I don’t burp on purpose. I drank water and I burped to release the air and that’s when he told me. My body was just doing it’s thing. I can’t make myself burp on command, it’s not something my body does.
We are absolutely comfortable taking a s&^% in front of each other so I don’t understand why this is bothering him. We are working on this already and I appreciate everyone’s input. Also…I wanted to include for those people who are saying “preserve the mystery” and “wanting to find each other sexy”. Why do I have to conceal my bodily functions to keep being sexy?
There are other ways to keep the mystery and sexiness going. All he had to do is tie s*%^ up to a trunk and I find him sexy as well. All I have to do is put make up on and dress up and he finds me sexy as hell. What you are saying makes no sense to me lol.
But okay you’re entitled to your opinions and I will respect that. Anyway. This is the last update I’m giving for my mental health sake. Continue to discuss away! Glad you’re all having fun here lol. Y’all have a beautiful day ❤️