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Wife considers divorce when hubby admits to his past as a male escort. AITA?

Wife considers divorce when hubby admits to his past as a male escort. AITA?


When this woman is weirded out by her husband's confession, she asks Reddit:

"My (35F) husband (28M) confessed to having a twisted past before we married​​​​​​?"

I have uterine cancer. My husband has been incredible through this whole process. I don’t have to lift a finger. I’m thankful for his caretaking.

We met and married very quickly. I was not experienced in relationships. I am very introverted and mostly have female friends that I talk to over the phone or online. I didn’t have many opportunities to meet men and I’m not attractive enough for strangers to hit on me.

Strangely, my husband pursued me aggressively. He wooed me. I am easy to please, however. And we’ve been happily married for 2 years.

On New Years he confessed that he lied to me about his past. He had been a male escort for several years. He needed the money. He was very poor. He didn’t have a high school education.

He approached me because escorting was getting riskier and he saw me as someone who could get him a better life. He lied to me because he didn’t want me to leave him.

Things make sense now. My husband is very pretty in an androgynous way and most people can’t believe we’re married. Like I said, I’m not very attractive.

I’m not sure what to do with this information. Part of me wants to leave him and divorce but the other part wants to forgive him. Part of me is very practical and says I should stay as long because I have cancer. I have been very distant since I learned and it’s been very distressing for my husband.

He asked if I would’ve dated him had I known the truth. I didn’t answer the question. I wouldn’t have, to be honest.

I don’t know he wants me for me, but just for safety I provide. He lied to me from the beginning.

I also am struggling with a bit of resentment because I feel he did not have to resort to se% work. He grew up in America and it was his choice to drop out of school. Meanwhile, I grew up poor in a third world country undergoing civil riots. He had far more opportunities than me but why did he have to resort to this? Why did he lie to me?

AITAH for not answering and for being distant?

Let's see what readers thought.

wearerealme writes:

Does being married to him make your life better? Do you still love him and do you believe that he loves you? Do you believe that he didn't tell you because he was afraid to lose you and that he didn't want to lose you because he loves you?

To be honest, I think that what should matter is the person that he is now and if you love each other. The past is the past, everybody did things in their past that they're not proud of and don't want other people to know.

Should he told you? Yes. Is it understandable and forgivable? Maybe. For me it would be if the answers to the questions in my first paragraph are yes. He did come clean in the end right?

I'm so sorry for your medical situation and I wish you the best. Also with making this decision.

standard 7851 writes:

NTA. Your relationship was built in a lie about your husbands past, but also your husband hid that past out of shame about doing what he felt he needed to do to get through poverty.

And importantly, since then you’ve developed cancer and he became what you describe as an “incredible caretaker” - sadly uncommon among male partners of women who become chronically ill. It sounds like he truly loves you.

You should have a long think about deciding whether you want to fundamentally change the relationship because of what you know now.

pirya6 writes:

NTA both of you. You have every right to feel that but I feel whatever he did was to get a better life for himself and was ashamed of disclosing to you his livelihood. I feel he truly does love you because not many partners stay during times such as cancer. You described him as an "excellent caretaker".

So I feel he really does give efforts and love to you He could have hid it forever but he found it more comfortable to let you know if the truth He might have used you to upgrade his life but you say you might consider staying longer because of your cancer and as he cares for you the perfectly, you think of using him too so I guess you're both even.

I feel you both should go to couple's therapy and sort it out or have a heartfelt conversation of what you feel.

Looks like OP is NTA. Any advice for this woman?

Sources: Reddit
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