My wife and I have been together for 5 years now, we have a 2 years old and we were planning to expand our family. I decided to tidy up my wife's closet because there was a mold problem in garage and I decided to inspect the whole house.
There I found a gym bag with clothes, some dry fruits, some tampons and like $1000. I asked my wife about it and her face suddenly lost its color. At first she told me that it was just an emergency bag in case we are hit by earthquake or something.
I asked her why did she hid it from me then?? After a bit of back and forth, she sheepishly confessed that its a go bag. Basically women who need to flee their abusers are told to keep a go bag with all essential supplies like money and clothes and stuff.
I asked her why exactly does she ever feel the need to do this. I have never even talked to her in loud voice, we barely have arguments, why does she thinks that I am gonna become something she would have to flee.
She said she is not saying I am an abuser, she just wanted to do it for the peace of her mind. I dont buy her excuse, I don't think she trusts me. Otherwise she wouldn't have to go so far.
I took some days to mull it over and I have come to conclusion that I can't be with a woman who cant trust me and who see me as something to potentially run from. I asked her for separation and told her that I cant be with a woman who does not trust me.
I believe that trust is foundation of relationship and if she doesnt trust me then its better we part ways. Now she is making excuses that she read too many "mommy forums" and let herself influenced by them.
She showed me the forums where they discuss "go bags" and how every women should have one. I get the logic but I cant stay with a woman who does not trust me to know that she never needed to do such a thing. I agreed to take more time to think about it but I think divorce will let her find a man she trusts not to be an abuser, because she does not trust me. AITAH??
I thought everyone had a go bag lol. There’s like a million reasons to have one guy or girl.
I stayed with a man who was very calm. One day he wasn’t. Out of the blue.
OP should consider a less drastic course of action. Marriage counseling certainly. I get his reaction— loss of trust— but because there’s a small child involved, going nuclear is going too far.
INFO: do you have house insurance? Is it because you have crappy wiring and live in constant fear of your house burning down or do you have it because unexpected things can happen at any time without warning and having insurance is a proactive step to making sure you can be safe and protected? (This is a metaphor.)
I don't think she's the asshole here. I don't necessarily think you are, but I do find it kind of silly that you're distilling the entirety of your relationship down to something so simple. If my fiancee had a go-bag I wouldn't care.
She has plenty of weird quirks that give her peace of mind over any number of things. In your shoes I would try going to marital counseling and see if you can get to the root of the issue, because it sounds like you both suck at communicating.
Considering how fast you jumped to divorce, seems like she was right to have it. This was never a secure relationship.
It's not just to escape abusers but also used by others in case there's an emergency and you need to evacuate in a hurry. I live with my mother and am single. However, I still have a Go bag. Actually two.
One is for a quick visit to the hospital - it has my and my mother's identity info, medical records, insurance info, cards etc. Plus a change of clothes, hand towels, toothbrush and daily essentials, two days worth of daily medicine that we need to take, a pack of biscuits, some snacks etc.
We both have several medical issues and when there's an emergency I don't want to be bothered by collecting everything from all over the house. My second bag is for other dire situations - fire, earthquake etc.
It has copies of all identity documents, certificates, investments, property papers, clothes and other essentials. I made the second bag when one of my friends lost everything in a flash flood and it took him several years to get all papers in order.
You have a choice you could be offended by the existence of the bag or you could understand where your wife is coming from and offer to review the contents of the bag with her and suggest things she should add to it. That'll go a long way to give her the assurance that you are a dependable partner.