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'My wife left me after she got in shape and now wants to get back together.' + Update

'My wife left me after she got in shape and now wants to get back together.' + Update

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"My wife left me after she got in shape and now wants to get back together"

Letmebealonehuh

I(32M) was married to my wife(33F) for 4 years and we had a great marriage so far. I was madly in love with my wife. She fell into depression mainly due to her job in 2022.

I tried to support her in every way and suggested her going to gym or doing any kind of sports to destress. I had my own depression episode before we got married and what saved me was going to gym.

She agreed to that and we started going there together. I could not go as frequent as in the past since my workload got heavier after my promotion. However, I tried my best to be there with her.

She used to be a bit chubby (which I loved) and after seeing some changes with her body, she started to go there regularly. It also helped her with depression and she got better. I was really happy to see her get better and livelier. She looked more confident, got more aggressive in bed and so on.

However, after a while that confidence level started to affect our relationship for worse. She started going to the parties and going outside to a point she completely stopped doing her share in the house.

That proceeded with me seeing her getting flirty with a guy at a meetup we went to. I communicated my feelings to her and she dismissed these. After several events like these, I had her sit down with me and told her that she is riding high on her newly found confidence and emotions right now.

I clearly stated she should not make decisions or actions according to that confidence right now. I know it well. It was one of my worst traits. I used to be extremely emotionally driven in the past.

I suggested we go to a marriage counselor and hell broke loose. She said vile things to me like how she realized she settled down with me after getting better and she could do much better than me. She said I am insecure and other things. This woman used to be the sweetest person on the earth and I was shocked after hearing the things she said to me.

She filed for divorce the following month and I did not hear much from her other than some lawyer talks. Our court hearing is scheduled to be next month and my lawyer told me there is a high chance it'll be concluded then.

There is not much to share. Similar income, only shared asset is our joint account, similar savings and no kids. The house is my mom's so it's out of division. I accepted my marriage is going to end like that.

Last week she called crying and told me she regrets everything. She apologized over and over again but I felt disappointed. Not angry, not sad but just disappointed. She did not text me nor call me even once since the divorce started.

I did not even know where she was since she just left the home. I told her there is no going back now. She has been messaging me non-stop. My family supports my decision and tell me I should not back down.

My in-laws were shocked when they heard about the divorce. They are now telling me to rethink everything. I will 99.9% not back down but as I said, just looking for validation and maybe wanted to vent. Thank you for reading.

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's initial post:

manykeets

It didn’t work out with the “better” guy she wanted to leave you for, so now she wants to go back to the safe option. You loved her when she was chubby, and she wanted to throw that away for guys who probably only liked her for her new looks. You’re right not to take her back.

Firecracker048

This is it exactly. She was talking with someone else, and jumped ship to get with the "better" person. She either got a reality check after the "high" she was on wore off, or she saw who this person really was and quickly realized what she did.

ziekktx

He should let her know he's not willing to settle for her and has more self respect than that.

Swimming_Bag7362

For what it’s worth I don’t think you’ll find a person who would disagree with your decision. I wouldn’t say the in laws have your best interests in mind.

MrsMojo825

I’ve lost almost 80lbs this last year after my heart took a shit. I decided I wanted to live so I go to the gym every day. I’ve turned my health around and look better and better every day.

Lots of men in the gym notice me now. I get hit on and even had an older man try to kiss me. My husband loved me over 300lbs and stayed. He stood beside me at my worst and he definitely deserves me at my best.

He isnt doing his best right now. As long as he is treating me well, I’m gonna stand by him, just like he did for me. He helped love me back to life. Now it’s my turn to do the same.

Two weeks later, the OP returned with an update.

"UPDATE: My wife left me after she got in shape and now wants to get back together"

Letmebealonehuh

We are officially divorced. There was not much to share so it went smooth as a butter according to my lawyer. I've never talked to her other than through lawyers as much as she wanted me to.

She tried to talk to me 1-on-1 and get closure but I just do not want that. It's not that I do not care why she left me or what she did during that time. I just do not want to know. I've been living without her for months now.

At first, it was difficult and I cried all night for a while. But, after few months, I feel like I came to accept everything. What peace will it give to learn what and why when I already accept everything other than hurting me?

For once, I want to prioritize my peace of mind in this whole process. My parents and friends are here to support me, and I am glad that I have such a great support circle.

As for what my plans are: renovate my office room in the house, get back to the gym and live my best life. I've been wanting to renovate my office room for a while now and that's what I'll start with.

I started hitting the gym at the same time. I believe my body is good but I have some extra fat. Dieting proved itself difficult because I am a tiramisu addict :') For the dating part, I uploaded few apps and tried it out.

I got a decent number of matches but realized I do not feel like doing it right now. I'll focus on my own hobbies, well-being and wants for now. Thank you for all the support and help since the last post.

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:

chewchoo_

When the person who chooses to leave wants “closure”, just shut the door and keep it shut. They only want to make themselves feel better about their decision, no matter how bad it screwed you over. Bigger and better things to look forward to OP. All the best.

Cybermagetx

She got in shape. Had an affair. Left her husband for AP (affair partner). Gym AP moved on to the next married women and shes there with her entire life imploded for a thrill. And chances are she will go back to being depressed and overweight.

steadfastsurvivor

My take too. She’s been dumped like garbage, when she thought she had someone else lined up she was all guns blazing without a care in the world about the ops feelings. The things she said stick - you can’t unring a bell.

I would never be able to forget someone telling me they settled and could do better. It negates any kind and loving words - you’d automatically question if they were genuine or just meaningless platitudes since, ya know - they’re just settling for you.

dajur1

The grass is always greener on the other side.

YellowKingSte

This is so common. A person loses weight or get a better paying job/promotion, suddenly thinks "I can do better" and goes full FAFO. Now the wife got a rude awakening and will realize that OP was the one who can do better.

So, what do you think about this one? If you could give the OP any advice here, what would you tell them?

Sources: Reddit,Reddit
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