Wife tells husband, 'Your OCD habit doesn't count as real cleaning.' AITA?
When this woman is upset with her husband's cleaning habits, she asks Reddit:
"AITA for saying that husband's OCD habit doesn't count as cleaning?"
My (28F) husband (32M) has OCD which has become worse in the past few years, and this manifests in him constantly moving items around the house.
I try to be mindful of this because I know he can't help it, but I just don't have a solid grasp on what sets him off and what doesn't, especially because his preferences always seem to change.
He describes this behavior as "cleaning," or when he's annoyed with me as "cleaning up after me," although it's really nothing of the sort.
It's not even really organization; the things never get moved to a designated place, they just go to wherever his whim dictates, whether that place makes sense or not. This results in me frequently losing important items like keys, bills, and things that I'm actively trying to use.
I wouldn't have nearly as much of a problem with this behavior if he cleaned the house in more meaningful ways, but he doesn't.
Sweeping and vacuuming? All me. Dishes? All me. Dusting, cleaning the toilets and shower, any kind of cleaning that actually involves removal of filth? All me.
He doesn't usually see me clean because I strongly prefer cleaning when he's out (I work from home, he commutes), but it really should be obvious how much that I contribute.
But that's not how he views things. A couple days ago, as he was doing one of his "cleaning" sessions, he started berating me about "never doing anything to keep the place clean," and that he "cleans up after me all goddamn day."
This set me off because I had just spent a long time earlier that day painstakingly scrubbing every inch of the master bathroom toilet.
I said that I had a hugely disproportionate housekeeping workload and that his habit doesn't count as "cleaning" to anyone but him, that the house would be a sty if he was the only one taking care of it...
and that he needs to actually start contributing to housework instead of just shuffling stuff around and making me lose my things. Ever since that argument he's been very short with me and avoiding me. Was I in the wrong here?
Let's see what readers thought.
okemergency9 writes:
NTA. And I don't think his OCD comes into play in this discussion, other than to provide a reason as to why he moves things around.
He doesn't get a pass for failing to have a share of the actual cleaning. Nor does he get a pass for the way he spoke to you. I'm no expert, but I don't think that these are a result of OCD.
If I were a spiteful person, I might suggest not cleaning for a few weeks... but that is petty behavior.
sucybus writes:
NTA. His OCD explains why he moves things around but it doesn’t cover for the fact that he doesn’t contribute to any other housework. The fact that he’s unwilling to get treatment could become a major problem for both of you.
agg288 writes:
ESH. He cant help having OCD, but he absolutely can work on his compulsions, and he is choosing not to. You're uninformed about how OCD works in a way that is enabling him to suck.
Even if he wont manage his mental health, I strongly recommend you talk to someone so you can understand what he "cant help" and what he can.