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Woman has affair with kidney donor; tells husband, 'you would have let me die.' AITA?

Woman has affair with kidney donor; tells husband, 'you would have let me die.' AITA?


When this woman completely shocks her husband after a life altering event, she asks Reddit:

"AITAH for divorcing my husband for a man who gave me a kidney?"

I (43F) have a genetic kidney condition and I lost the function of both of my kidneys a couple of years ago. I was on dialysis and on the transplant list. I never drank alcohol or did anything to exacerbate my disease. It’s just luck of the draw.

My husband John (49M) refused to get tested. He was afraid. He said “what if my kidneys fail in the future? What am I supposed to do?” It’s his choice and I can’t make him.

I have a friend Sam (34M) who donated his kidney. He didn’t directly donate to me because we were not compatible but it was part of a kidney chain. Because of him, I was able to get a kidney.

I thanked him profusely because he literally saved my life. We had not been close friends and I asked him why he decided to donate. He told me that he always harbored affection for me but did nothing because I was married. When he found out I needed a kidney, he didn’t want me to die.

It turned my world upside down. I did not want to engage in an emotional affair so when I did question my feelings for my husband, I immediately went for separation. I was happier apart from John. He would have just let me die? I don't think so. I filed for divorce.

John was blindsided and devastated at what I had done. People I know have called me cold for what I had done. AITAH?

Let's see what readers thought.

adventuresans writes:

NTA- “I was happier apart from John” is what my decision is based on. Going through life altering and life and death situations changes a person.

Knowing your husband, the person who is supposed to be your person, wouldn’t even consider being tested and a friend said I couldn’t let you die if there was something I could do to prevent it is a big eye opener, gut punch moment.

My mom was a match for my dad. I was very involved as a support person tagging along for the intensive testing and then there for my Dad during surgery and recovery until my Mom could take over.

Every time they asked a variation of why are you doing this, her answer was always- I love him, if there is anything I can do to save his life and increase his quality of life I’m going to do that.

It also increases my quality of life in turn because I get to be with him longer…. I can’t imagine watching my loved one deteriorate (dialysis is rough) and not step in. I did not qualify or else I would have tested as well. So- go get your second chance and make the most of it.

occasionalcritic6 disagrees:

What happened to your body, your choice? He didn’t feel comfortable donating. It’s his body. And YTA not for leaving him b/c he wouldn’t get tested but for falling for some guy who donated. 99.99% that relationship won’t last.

bmyst5 writes:

NTA. Actions show how we truly feel more than any words. Here, your ex husband didn't even want to get tested. This action shows he doesn't care enough about you to consider donating a kidney. Meaning he didn't care if you died or not.

This guy friend cares enough about you as a friend to donate his kidney, knowing full well you're married. He just didn't want you to die.

Even if the friend wasn't in the picture, your husband cared less if you died or not than about giving up a kidney.

icelandicdogmom writes:

Absolutely NTA. John. He's a rather selfish, egoistic man. I do understand that he might have found it scary to part with a kidney (it's a big deal, to me). That's absolutely a valid feeling.

However, he didn't show any hesitation in saying no right away. But the worst is that he shouldn't be "devastated" that you left him because of how uncaring he was/is. I'm glad you got a new kidney, OP.

Looks like OP is mostly NTA here. Do you agree?

Sources: Reddit
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