Woman angry at BF when he calls the engagement ring business 'UNETHICAL.' AITA?
When this woman really wants a ring, she asks Reddit:
"AITA for wanting an engagement ring?"
My (27F) boyfriend (29M) and I have an argument these days which is not questionning our relationship, but I find myself torned between my expectations and the fear of acting like a spoiled privileged person in this situation. Let me explain.
My boyfriend and I are in a 5 years-relationship, and we've lived together for 3 years. We always talked about our future together we are planning to get married in around 2 years. So I brought the subject of... The engagement ring.
It's pretty common in my family that it was something the couple both looked for and buy together, so I wanted to talk about it.
First, my boyfriend told me he didn't understand why an engagement ring was needed. I was a bit confused, because I assumed it was considered a traditionnal gift to have as a symbol of commmitment.
I explained that it was important for me, that I wanted a real engagement proposal and that a ring would be a symbol of our engagement and love that I would cherish for the rest of my life.
At my response, my boyfriend understood and said that he will respect my wish but still didn't really see the point. He was always generous towards me, so his response has left me a bit surprised.
I also specified that it would be nice if we also get him an engagement gift to mark the occasion, something of value for him. I suggested a watch or a new musical instrument, as he's a musician. He said "why not, we'll see".
Later, I saw an acquaintance of us getting engaged and showing off her diamond ring on social networks. I showed the picture to my boyfriend, saying that I liked that kind of ring.
But he didn't responded well, and said again that he didn't see the point about getting a ring. He then went online to do some research, and came to me saying that the diamond business was horrible, not ethical, and really pricey for what it's worth.
I tried to compromise and talked about getting another kind of jewel like a sapphire or an emerald, and also looking for a second-hand ring. He said that would still count as not ethical and expensive for what it's worth, and then suggested getting a zircon instead, which I found a bit disappointing because to me it wouldn't last great.
I thought about getting it on my own but it would sound fake to me, as my husband-to-be wouldn't be involved in the process. I feel like a spoiled brat who is asking for a lot.
To be honest, I do want something valuable to reflect our love/wedding/commitment. I don't want a big thing that cost a fortune either, just something classic.
My boyfriend and I are both engineers, and we can afford it. I see others around us getting engaged and now I can't help myself but notice that the girl always get a ring, and no one seems to question that.
Believe me or not, but apart from that, my boyfriend and I don't have any issue that we didn't solve through talking and compromise. That's why I'm a bit lost here. So, AITA ?
Let's see what readers thought.
airymountain writes:
NTA. It's a shame that he makes you feel like a spoiled kid, and guilts you, for wanting what brides-to-be traditionally and reasonably want. It's a shame that he isn't willing to just give you, his bride-to-be, what you want, whether or not he "sees the point" of it.
You might want to explore what else "he doesn't see the point of" in wedding celebrations, as compared to what you might have in mind.
defwitch writes:
NAH. You're not the asshole and I think buying a second-hand ring is a lovely idea. Wouldn't say it's unethical, as it's basically giving an item a second life, not creating new demand. Plus, that way you get something with history, maybe even one of a kind, which can really count as a special gift to mark the occassion.
I do understand where he's coming from. Seems like he values practical presents more and those rings can be crazy expensive. I think you can find an acceptable solution though.
bananabread165 writes:
NTA, from a practical point of view it reduces hassle from other men (although some see it as a challenge). I cannot see why he is being so weird about it because even if it was down to just money, you don’t have to spend very much at all - eg looking in a second hand jewellery shop.
This isn’t actually about money, your boyfriend is acting strangely. I couldn’t imagine my husband denying me anything that he thought would make me happy (within the bounds of our finances). Buy the woman a ring, it is not hard!
Tbh I would be trying to get to the bottom of why he was being so odd about it. Certainly he ought to be sensitive enough to realise it was important to you, so he ought not to be belittling it.