Woman always asking boyfriend to switch meals at restaurants; he blows up. AITA?

"AITA for asking (not insisting) that my BF switch meals with me when I don’t like what I’ve ordered at a restaurant?"

I have been friends with my BF for years, but actually together for about 3 months now. He’s the sweetest guy, and I know he’s been seriously hurt in the past. I’m so happy we are finally clicking after being “flirt buddies” since MS (we are 25 now).

Whenever we go out to eat he always orders the most basic thing—99% of the time it’s a cheeseburger plain, ketchup on the side, with honey mustard to dip his fries. He actually loves exotic food, but he says that menus, and making choices stresses him out so he doesn’t want to put that much thought into it.

I love trying exotic things and to me that’s the reason to go out to eat. To me it’s so exciting. My issue is things always look and sound better than they turn out and I decide that I actually just wanted a burger.

So usually I’ll ask him if he’ll switch with me and he always does and he never complains. Most of the time he even says how good his food was. To me it’s a win for both of us, it gets him out of his comfort zone and we don’t waste food.

Last night we both had to work really late so we met up at a sports bar. They were having a calamari special which sounded really good, he ordered a cheeseburger as usual.

I just wasn’t feeling the calamari when it came out so I asked if he’d switch with me. He said no. I asked him why not, and said I didn’t want it to go to waste. He said then you shouldn’t have ducking ordered it. I was like excuse me.

He the went into a tirade and said I treat him like a garbage disposal, and that he’s a grown man, and I’m being immature–don’t pin my crap on him, etc… I said that sounded like it was a rehearsed speech. He said maybe it was since I “insist” on stealing his food every time we go somewhere.

I started crying and he (edited) said, 'don’t start that bullshit with me, here have both meals and he got up and walked out.'

He has not called or texted me, and it’s 6am and I honestly thought he would call to apologize by now. I called my sister, and near quote “you’re an asshole for waking me up at 5:30, and he’s going to see you as asking as insisting…that’s really crappy of you to put that pressure on him.” And she basically hung up. Since she said it…AITA ?

ETA: Well he called and didn’t even let me get a word in and said he needs a break, and that if he hasn’t been happy in the first three months then the relationship probably isn’t for him.

Comments:

ninasimonerules says:

YTA. Why is he the one that has to deal with your experimenting? If you don't like it order something else but make sure you pay for both.

CoffeeAndDachshunds says:

Why isn't this just common sense? YTA, obviously...

kreeves9 says:

What OP is telling us is she's not just inconsiderate in her romantic relationship, she's inconsiderate across the board. YTA

Dntworryimamoderator OP:

Then so much food gets wasted

Mad_Cowboy_64 says:

YTA, you know he’s not comfortable with something but you keep making him do it over and over again. Just because you didn’t insist doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel forced.

Dntworryimamoderator OP:

can I add that he’s never said he’s uncomfortable with my asking him to switch before last night

hwilliams0901 says:

YTA. It sounds like you go out pick out shit you're not sure you'll like and then ask(which feels to him like an insistence) for him to eat the shit you decided you didn't want. That would drive me nuts and honestly your BF did that for way longer than I would have.

Also, who calls someone else at 530 in the morning to complain about shit?? Double YTA. Order food you like like a grown up

Dntworryimamoderator OP:

I hadn’t slept all night waiting for him to call and I felt like I was going to have a breakdown so I called my sister to vent.

Chemical-Cut-3641 says:

You are clearly TA, but what was he supposed to be apologizing for?

Dntworryimamoderator OP:

For building up so much resentment towards me.

ziaVirgi says:

INFO: do you behave this way just with him or you do the same with family/friends/colleagues? It’s something a 5yo would do, not a 25yo.

Dntworryimamoderator OP:

Yes and no, my mom always did it with my dad when we were growing up…maybe not always but a lot of the time.

Note:

FYI, someone pointed out that a guy had a similar problem with his girlfriend in another post. OP swears it isn't copied, writing, 'From where? It’s literally my life and I’ve never posted on this sub before.' – Dntworryimamoderator