When this woman feels guilty about wanting something back from her BF's disabled sister, she asks Reddit:
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 9 years, we shared everything until one day he took it too far. We live in a small apartment to save up for marriage and one day children. We are very happy together, he doesn’t have a very good relationship with his parents but he has a sister.
She has a disability and he has always been extremely caring over her. He has always been the type to get me presents when I’m feeling down. He has got me a octopus plush and a beautiful necklace, it was rose gold and i wore it all the time it’s the prettiest thing I own.
His sister always took an interest in the necklace due to the shine. She came over to look at the necklace. I let her put it on and she loved it. The next day it was gone, I looked all over the house meanwhile my boyfriend did nothing but say “it’ll turn up” it clicked in my head that it was obvious is sister took it but I was late for work so I left.
On my way home I decided to stop by at my boyfriends moms and I was asking about their daughter and they said she was upstairs and I was talking to her when I saw it on her neck and politely asked for it back but she refused claiming it was hers and she’s not giving it back.
I left raging without saying goodbye. I came in and told my boyfriend and he sat and defended her. I left and spent the night at my parents later that day I got a message from my boyfriends mom and she explained that it was completely out of order that even after my boyfriend gave it to her I came storming in and demanding it back.
I messaged back and explained I had no idea my boyfriend gave it to her and I had lost it and wasn’t happy because I wore it all the time. She hasn’t answered. Am I the bad person?
NTA. Your BF needs to sort this out as if he doesn't then it says a lot about him if he is willing to steal from you. His sister knows its your necklace and should give it back. However from the way her mum is acting I am wondering if she is used to getting her own way so just expected to be able to keep it and nobody would say anything.
NTA. Somebody (be it your boyfriend, his sister, and/or the parents—seemingly all of them) is being dishonest here and you’re clearly the only person being left out of the loop. That’s messed up considering this began because YOUR necklace was stolen.
Your boyfriend should have immediately communicated with you about what happened to your necklace if he did give it away or his sister took it, regardless if he planned to replace it or not.
That behavior, failing to set boundaries with his sister and therefore stealing from you to give to her is a big red flag. If it’s indicative of how he will treat you in the future it doesn’t seem very functional (unless he recognizes and acknowledges his mistake and learns to communicate with you clearly.)
He needs to learn boundaries and recognize that by giving your personal, sentimental possession away he is directly disrespecting you.
NTA - But this is what we call a "dealbreaker." It's not so much the necklace, it's what it represents. You were stolen from and lied to, and then punished because you were upset about it. You know that the sister will be given priority over yourself every time. Disentangle yourself from this situation...after your necklace is replaced.