Woman's BF flips out when she refuses his disturbing tattoo idea: 'It seems controlling.' UPDATED

"My BF got mad after I refused his 'property' tattoo idea."

I'm 23 F dating my bf 26 M together almost for 2 years Recently, he brought up this wild idea about him tattooing “his name's property” on me down there so i'd be "officially his." It caught me off guard, but since we were in the middle of hooking up, I just went along with it & said yes to that since it was just bedroom talk

Fast forward a few days, and he casually brought it up again asking if i'd be okay wd him tattooing that phrase on me, I thought he was still joking, so I played along sarcastically, telling him i'd love to get it tattooed, thinking there’s no way he was serious. now 5 days after this incident ,he actually ordered a 800 $ tattoo pen.

I was so thrown off and honestly felt super weird about it, I told him that I thought he wasn’t serious at all. He got really disappointed and said he was serious because he’s already tattooed my name on his collarbone.

Since he knows I don’t want a visible tattoo, he figured this would be a good “compromise” because no one else would see it but him , this seems really controlling to me and this controlling behavior has been surfacing more frequently like he insists on knowing exactly where I am at all times and gets upset if I don’t respond to his texts right away.

We ended up having this ridiculous argument yesterday. He’s upset, saying he’d gladly tattoo my name or anything related to me anywhere on his body again , so he can’t understand why I won’t do this one thing for him. I told him I wasn’t okay with this, and eventually, he calmed down and agreed to drop it.

But I can still sense that he’s mad at me and upset that I wouldn’t do something for him that he would do for me without hesitation. Honestly, I can’t believe this is even a real argument. I know this is serious, and I don’t want to ignore the signs but it’s hard for me to look at it that way cuz I love him more than anyone. he genuinely loves me, always checking up on me and making sure I'm okay.

he’s always there for me, even in my hardest times when no one was there to help me...I’m genuinely worried about how our relationship could escalate, especially considering he has a short temper and he has started being so controlling recenty ,what should I do....I feel really bad & suffocated when I'm the reason he gets upset regarding something

𝗘𝗗𝗜𝗧:I didn’t share much about our relationship,& there’s a lot to consider I know a lot of you are saying I should leave him & hes a red flag, its not that easy for me cuz

he's never shown any manipulative signs before,cares about me a lot & never made me feel like im a burden to him in any way,he's moved countries for me , quit his job & wen through the hassle of finding a new one near where we live now.

he stopped talking his parents cuz htey dont like me & wouldnt accept our relationshp cuz from their pov i have too much INFLUENCE on him & that i am distancing him from his family ,when in reality i am not

in all our disagreements ,even tho hes short tempred ,he’s never yelled at me or showed any signs of hitting me, always respected my boundaries regarding literally anything...except a couple times when he annoyed the sh!t out of me asking my location 24/7 n who m hanging out with (which happened recently)

He’s close with my family & my friends all like him (I haven’t told them about the recent stuff), it’s not like he’s ever tried to ISOLATE me or anything.

he came up to me today bringing up the tattoo thing he admitted that it was a stupid kink and fantasy he had in his mind, n he got carried away with. He said he was truly ashamed & disgusted by how he reacted to it , feels horrible for making me uncomfortable with himself for even having such an idea

It really got to him &he started crying,saying he knows this recent controlling behavior is damaging our relationship, says he needs 2nd chance & hopes I don’t give up on him cuz he genuinely needs help, he had been thinking about his behaviour from the past months and it had been bothering him but he was unable to address it to me cuz he fears i'd break up.

He kept apologizing, saying he wasn’t thinking straight when he ordered the pen.He made it clear dat he won't ever force me or pressure me to do anything or get mad for things if i dont want to do it & wont second question my decision ever again

he suggested we go couple therapy & hes ready to work on himself cuz he feels like he’s losing control over his actions &doesn’t fully understand why this is happening. I really appreciate the advice and support,& I’ll definitely be keeping it in mind as I figure out what should i do.

What do you think she should do? This is what top commenters had to say:

achmedclaus said:

Not only is he controlling but he's an idiot. Having "Liam's Property" or whatever his name is tattooed on your hoochie coochie is the trashiest tattoo I can think of side from putting his face there

wharleeprof said:

Short-tempered, controlling. . . Feeling bad and suffocated, worried about escalation - trust your feelings. They are telling you that you are being suffocated, that you are in a bad situation, that you are in a situation likely to escalate in a bad way.

Start making an exit plan. The fact that you can't easily get out of the relationship without risking him harming you - - that is exactly why you need to get out.

mynamecouldbesam said:

You already know you need to get out of this relationship. He's far too controlling.

catinnameonly said:

This man ORDERED a tattoo gun to brand you. He’s not even a seasoned artist. You know this isn’t just a hobby you can pick up right? His mistake is for you to live with the rest of your life or a very very painful removal. Not to mention infection. Not to mention… hell no. You are not ‘his’ you are your own person and share time with him. You do not belong to anyone.

If he’s getting angry over this, you need to leave. This isn’t even a single red flag. This is a whole factory of them.

I have been with my husband 20 years and I still would never tattoo his name on my body.

JFC_ucantbeserious said:

"I don’t want to ignore the signs." This isn’t a “sign.” He is actively abusing you. You are afraid of angering him. He is continuing to punish you for not doing what he wants. You are allowing it to happen.

You’re 23. You have your whole life ahead of you. One day, you will be shocked and embarrassed that you actually dated someone like this. You will be grateful you didn’t waste more of your life living like this. If you do the right thing, that is.

Two weeks later, she shared this update:

I had been thinking seriously about breaking up with him because what he did 2 weeks ago , things started getting back to normal and he was acting fine until 4 days ago

I was out with my friends at this cafe, and I told him I was going out but didn’t tell him name of cafe. I told him I’d be home by 7, I lost track off time and my phone also died. it had been almost 8 nd I see him walk in the cafe towards me.

I still have no idea how he knew where I was since I didn't tell him what cafe , neither my frds told him anything, I asked him n he ignored saying he got worried i wasn't picking up calls so he came to check up ,i didn't argue much since we were in public.

back home, I confronted him because it's so creepy n my invasion of privacy , he never answered my q Then says me that he can't trust me anymore because I've been distant since the tattoo situation!!!??

And every time Im wd my frds he thinks I'm plotting for our break up and distancing myself Rants bullsh!t like this for 15 mins until I'm fed up and I tell him I want to break up , he looked completely shocked ,he didn't say anything and went straight to the guest room and locked the door

I panicked cuz I thought he might do anything stupid , I don't trust him regarding all this now but said he needs to think so I left him alone. I didn't sleep , it was around 3:25am when I hear thud sounds outside my room and I go guest room and its a mess , he's completely drunk & had red eyes idek for God knows how long he had been crying

he looked like a completely different person and then says to me that he loves me more than anything and can die for me and would do anything to make me happy and doesn't understand why I can't forgive him for that one mistake he's made 2 weeks ago that he's deeply regretting about...also said he's not trying to control me but he can't be sit silently and watch me walk away.

he will change himself for better but won't let me leave ever. I didn't wanna talk all this while he was in this state so I started to leave the room n he stopped me saying he will give me space and time however much I want but won't let me break up with him and keep coming back to me until I figure this out and get wthd him back

I was soo taken back on how he was reacting to all this and wtf was he saying I still can't get this line out of my head it keeps repeating I'll make u see how much i love u evun if yxu don't want it , I'll do anythng to make you stay, I don't care if it takes months or years.

Hearing all this I actually started fearing him for the first time he was completely different soo unrecognisable, and it's all so wrong on so many levels I knew what I had to do , and I knew if I started to pack my bags that sec , Idk what he might have done , I go in our room , didn't open it ,5 hours later n I find him asleep on the floor , I get out of the apartment nd currently staying in my frds house

Been 3 days , he had been contacting non stop ,to just talk him once in person ,834 missed calls and a gazillion msgs came to my frds house to talk where I was staying , but I refused to talk

I'm a mess rn I don't know how to handle this situation all my things are at his apartment & I don't want to face him , specially now , I don't feel like talking him rn it's all so creepy and I hate mysself sm rn that I still love and care about him after all this and the sh!t he pulled 2 weeks ago and I cannot do anything

I don't know what to do where did I go wrong and why is this sh!t all happening to me I did everything I could to fix all dis but he's just changed so m in the past months I don't know what to do I am losing my mind why I still love him I literally don't know how to get past this situation.

EDIT:Thank you to everyone who’s reached out, it’s been a lot to process. I’m still trying to wrap my head around everything that’s happened , I’ll update y’all on the situation and what’s going on with us in a few days once I’ve got everything sorted out and can actually think straight.

Good luck getting out of this situation, OP.