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Woman's BF 'wastes' her entire day; she gets revenge and makes him cry. AITA? MAJOR UPDATE.

Woman's BF 'wastes' her entire day; she gets revenge and makes him cry. AITA? MAJOR UPDATE.


When this woman is upset with her boyfriend and then destroys his self confidence, she asks Reddit:

"My (F19) boyfriend (M24) wasted 2 hours of my day, so I wasted an hour of his and made him cry?"

My (F19) bf (M24) hasn’t respected my time in the past, so this time after he wasted 2 hours of my day (for the second day in a row) by showering, I wasted an hour of his day and made him cry in petty revenge.

Background: My (ex)boyfriend is very dedicated to public service/volunteering and a hard worker. On top of his crazy schedule he also has a very built physique and is very dedicated to the gym.

I found his ability to work hard, take care of his body, all while helping others admirable and physically attractive. A guy that does volunteering and aims to work in public service should be a good guy right?

I often found myself feeling like he never respected my time. He would ask to come over on days where I had classes the next morning. He admitted into pressuring me into sexual activity.

Every time I confronted him with my feelings he would always say “I’m sorry you feel that way”. He said I was ignoring him if I didn’t respond to his messages or calls quickly, even if my phone was away.

In the past I was too clingy because I would message him “too much, and was too demanding by expecting him to take 3 seconds out of his day to message me “good morning” back.

He forgot to get me a valentines gift as he had no time so he gave me a cheap (expired) chocolate bar from his car.

Eventually he apologized because he didn’t know it meant that much to me and bought me 2 sour patch candies and a protein drink. All I asked for was a handwritten note from him :/

Story: Yesterday I slept over at his place. We showered separately. I took 20 mins, he took well over an hour. I had to keep knocking on his door to get him to hurry up as we had plans.

He took his sweet time as showering was his “alone time” and we missed our date plans as he had to go to the gym. Today I slept over again. I tried waking him up earlier so we wouldn’t miss our rescheduled date.

He took 2 hours in the shower and I couldn’t go upstairs to knock on the door as his parents were walking around (we haven’t met yet) so I had to spend almost 2 hours confined in his room.

1 hour in, I texted and called him informing him of the time (he had his phone in the shower) and said he would hurry up. Half an hour later he was still in the shower. Another 30 minutes and he was finally getting dressed.\

We no longer had time for our date again so he was going to drop me back as he was getting late for the gym. He seemed surprised that I was angry at him. He said I was exaggerating 2 hours but I remembered the time and I event sent him time reminders over text.

I was fuming in the car and I told him to skip the gym as wasting 2 hours of my time (the second day in a row) was unacceptable. He said that the shower was his “me time” and he really needed it.

He also said he couldn’t miss the gym as he had to get bigger. I asked him if the gym was more important than me and he said we could simply reschedule our date for tomorrow.

Eventually we reached my apartment. He told me to go inside and we could call and talk about my angry feelings. I refused to leave. I told him that he wasted 2 hours of my day so I would waste an hour of his and he would have to skip the gym.

So I stayed in his car for an hour. He tried to leave but I raised my voice at him. I told him he was selfish had no respect for others time and that it was unacceptable.

I had never raised my voice at him before or done anything vengeful so he was startled. He disagreed and repeated he was a good person that respected others time.

He said he simple “wasn’t aware of the time” but I responded with the fact that he had his phone and you can check the time there. He said he lost track of time, but then I told him I even called and texted the time.

He went quiet, and started crying, pouting, and stomping his legs. He kept repeating “I’ve never felt this way” “I feel so claustrophobic” “I want to go to the gym please let me go”.

I refused. I said if he’s feeling claustrophobic he can take a walk around the area but I wouldn’t leave the car for another hour. I also told him he wouldn’t be late for work so he wouldn’t die skipping the gym for one day.

He cried and said he already missed half of his gym time yesterday and I told him it was his own fault due to his poor use of (shower) time.

He continued sitting there, pouting and crossing his arms, sniffling and stomping his feet in the footwell. 40 minutes in, he said “so you really want it to end this way”.

I said I was fed up with his behaviour so I was fine either way. He continued crossing his arms and pouting while refusing to apologize. Eventually I got out of the car and went upstairs while he drove off. I haven’t messaged him all day and he hasn’t messaged me either.

This guy was my first real boyfriend, my first kiss, my first everything. We’ve been dating for over 4 months. I don’t know if it’s right to throw everything away like this, but I also don’t really care. I feel so happy with my small victory!

FYI, he is not on steroids. Also here the hot water doesn’t run out. BTW yes I dumped him!!!

Before we provide you with OP's major update, let's take a look at some of the top responses:

Whoa, hold up! You're celebrating making your dude cry as a "small victory"? That's messed up on so many levels. Look, if the guy's disrespecting your time, that's one thing, but stooping to petty revenge? That ain't it. You're both playing games that no one's gonna win.

Making someone cry and then bragging about it? That's cold. If he's messing up, talk it out like adults. This tit-for-tat nonsense is just gonna leave you both bitter. And if he's really not respecting you, why stick around just to score points?

Sounds like you're both not ready for what a real relationship demands, which is respect, communication, and understanding, not this eye-for-an-eye drama. If you're over it, be over it for the right reasons, not 'cause you got one over on him. Grow up, both of you.

postitivedoughnt writes:

Wtf. Your boyfriend clearly has mental problems and you held his car hostage? Did you ever consider using your words to talk about your definitely not exaggerated concerns?

He has a problem with diverting from his schedule to do things like dates and miss the gym and you proceed to emotionally torture him for it. Where is the communication?

homelander8 writes:

Girl gets a little thing not going her way, decides to hurt the guy she supposedly loves in the pettiest way possible.

Girl makes dude cry, and since he cried, “he is not a real man anymore”, so she gotta dump him. She gotta tell everyone, even on Reddit that he cried, so the world knows he is not a real man.

Then girl needs to “brag” about how the hollow shell of a man she used to date is still in love with her and will humiliate himself to come back with her.

I hope for the guy’s physical and mental health he doesn’t take her back: she will do stuff like pouring laxative on his breakfast when he has an important work meeting, or “accidentally” hit him full force in the balls during sex trying to do some real bad damage or stuff like that, she is one of those crazy feminists.

kayha7 writes:

You are a victim, and have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. I noticed so many of your comments are almost blaming yourself - because you made excuses for him, believed in him, and were deceived - that breaks my heart and please don’t feel that way.

that is exactly why someone his age goes for someone your age. Because they know that you won’t have the experience to spot things that someone a bit older would recognize. You stood up for yourself, and that is not easy to do.

You were patient, you were loyal, you cared to see the good in him. Those are all good traits, he is the only one who needs to be ashamed. The world needs to do more to prepare girls for what is waiting for them in the dating world right now.

Things like that have happened to me, and to every woman I know unfortunately. Please don’t date guys with an age gap, please make sure to learn your boundaries and how to defend them.

We shouldn’t have to, but in my experience that has been the most beneficial thing I have learned. You deserve better, and I’m proud of you for realizing that so quickly.

breadofloaf writes:

I was with a man similar to yours (though without the tantrums, thank god) for 2 years before I couldn't f-g take it anymore - he was also my first everything, swore I was going to spend the rest of my life with him, the whole nine yards.

I'm telling you now, it isn't worth it. He does not have your best interest in mind, he is selfish now and will always be selfish. What you have with him isn't happiness, and trust me it isn't how you want to spend the next 2 years of your life, never mind the rest of your life.

Dismissive and uncaring behaviour like that, from someone who's supposed to be your partner, after so long it makes you a shell of yourself and it f-g hurts. I wouldn't wish the feelings I went through with my ex on anyone.

Please believe him - he's showing you who he is, and what you'll be stuck with if you decide to stay with him. The behaviour doesn't get better.

The best you'll get is him apologising, changing his ways for 2 weeks max to make you THINK he's trying for you, and then he'll just slip back into old habits now he's got his hold on you again. It's a cycle, a mentally and emotionally taxing cycle.

I also want to add, even though you haven't expressed this being an insecurity - him being your first boyfriend at 19 isn't late to have a first boyfriend.

I'm just adding this because this is how I felt with my ex - pretty similar situation as you where he's my first everything, and I was 18 years old.

For some reason, I felt like it was even more special that he was my first boyfriend at such a later point in life than what all of my peers had? It was just another factor that made it hard to let him go. So if something similar is running through your mind - I promise it's not the case.

You'll be fine without him - MORE than fine. You'll rediscover that it's actually so nice being alone and not fighting with someone all the time (so relaxing, and all my time is MY time!!)

And at some point you'll feel ready to try again with someone else, this time armed with the knowledge of what you learned from your past relationship.

Then, OP provides this juicy, disturbing update:

UPDATE: He saw the post. Spammed me with calls, excuses, apologies for hours. Eventually I picked up. He said“well y’know a sub about petty revenge is bound to attract a certain audience”

I also did another petty revenge against him I downloaded a dating app a few hours after we broke up to shove it in his face. Swiped as much as I could and had 200+ likes on my profile after 20 hours.

Only matched with two guys though so I did the most bare bones icebreakers, nothing else. (Obviously I’m not gonna hop into a new relationship anytime soon dw!!!

Don’t even remember their names. But my ex is PISSED and says I cheated on him lol. He said he felt sick and threw up. Now he is also trying to bribe me back into the relationship with a brand new Nintendo Switch OLED.

Says he’s a bad person, hurt me a lot, won’t do it again, yadayada. Is also repeating the claim that I am a cheater even though we broke up yesterday lol. Also he vehemently denies ever cheating on me.

Wow, is OP TA here? Did she take things too far? What do YOU think?

Sources: Reddit
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