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My fiance(M28) and I(F26) have a beach vacation coming up. It was supposed to be us, my sister and her husband. Circumstances changed and they won't be joining us. But their tickets are non refundable do we decided to invite my bil's brother N(M27) (who has also been my best friend since we were toddlers) and his gf K(F27). We are all very close and hangout almost every week.
We all have a group chat for the trip and K and I discuss girly stuffs privately. Last week K sent my SO some lingerie and bikni pics asking for his suggestion in his private chat. SO assumed she sent it to him accidentally instead of me and told her that. To which she said she wanted a "man's" opinion and my SO said he didn't really have any opinion and she should ask me or her bf.
He then showed me the messages when we both got home from work . We both thought it was weird and just moved past it. ( Side note. She never sent me anything asking for my opinion even though a couple days later I asked for her opinion on some dresses)
On sunday N & K came to our house for dinner and to discuss our upcoming trip. Everything went great. I got a video call from my sis and bil and I was talking to them in the balcony and N came to say hi to his brother. According to my SO when N left the room K brought up the pics and was asking him his opinion and even showed him pics of her in lingerie and some of them were VERY revealing.
SO was cornered by her in the kitchen where he was clearing up some dishes. I called him from the balcony to participate in the VC since my sis had some news. This was when he was able to get away from her. If it's relevant, she was a bit drunk.
My SO told me this after they left. I was (am) pissed at her. We both felt like all this happened too fast and there wasn't really any other signs. He also asked me to look through their chat to see if he was oblivious to her or something. There wasn't really much correspondence between them except the occasional confirming of plans.
I don't really know how to approach this with N & K. I don't really want her on this trip if she's going to act like this and also SO is not at all comfortable with the idea. N is like a brother to me. I love him. I don't want this to destroy our friendship. Also given the situation he deserves a lot better. So, what should I do?
Tldr: bestfriend's gf is hitting on my SO. We have a vacation trip coming up.i don't know how to bring this up with them while also protecting my friendship.
You have to talk to N. Show him the texts messages. There’s no two way about it
Just be honest about it. It's going to be a mess bo matter what but it'll be shader if you don't tell them
Your SO should just straight forward tell her “ Listen this is all awkward” and expect her to gas light as well, but you can back him up. Things will take care of themselves after the confrontation, if at all she is weird.
Thanks for the advice. We are both taking afternoon off and are going to meet N tomorrow for lunch(he works night shift). Told him not to tell K anything as it's about a personal family stuff (didn't tell him that SO would be there too). So hopefully he won't tell her anything.
My fiance and I took the afternoon off work to meet with N (bestfriend) for lunch yesterday. SO was running a bit late so I reached the restaurant first. N & I were catching up and he talked about how he misses hanging out just the two of us like when we were younger. I felt a bit guilty lying to him so I told him SO was joining in sometime as well.
He started thanking me for inviting him on the trip. Apparently due to their conflicting schedules N and K weren't spending much time together and their relationship was tense. He said that this trip would be the best thing for them and he was really excited. SO arrived at the tail end of this conversation and I felt so so sad for N. I was almost ready to forego the confrontation altogether.
We basically apologized to him and I told him that SO had something to say. SO told him about the messages and what happened in the kitchen. N was in disbelief?shock? But he was very quiet. He asked if we had the messages and SO showed him. Then N said "now it makes sense".
We were confused and asked what he was talking about. Apparently when they left K was pretty drunk and whole drive home K was mumbling things like nobody wants me/likes me/loves me etc. And the last couple days after the incident she was acting strange the little time they spent together.
We told him we are there for him obviously whatever he decides but that we don't feel comfortable having K on the trip but he is still welcome. He said he would be talking to K and letting us know but they won't be joining us on the trip.
Tonight before work N stopped by our house and told us that he broke up with K. He said he found some things but wasn't ready to talk about it yet. Since they used to live together she couldn't move out anywhere immediately so N will be staying at our place for a while. Also both SO and I got an apology text from K.
So I guess that's it. We are not really in the mood now for the trip but maybe it would be a good way to put this all behind. It might be selfish but I am just grateful that N & I's friendship is still going strong and that he trusts us to help him through the sh!t he's going through. Thank you to everyone for their advice.