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Woman's Halloween crazy BF runs out of candy; calls her 'cheap' for not buying more.

Woman's Halloween crazy BF runs out of candy; calls her 'cheap' for not buying more.


'I need some perspective here, this whole thing is so out of control.'

I (28/f) own my house and my bf (29/m) moved in January. We had a ton of money arguments early on, so we agreed that we would keep to a household budget. Also, he agreed to pay down his credit card debt. I have more flexibility in my personal spending than he does.

Soon after we moved in my bf told me that as a kid he always wanted to live in one of the houses that were totally decorated for trick or treaters, and wanted to hand out full size candy.

Here's where I messed up. I took this as a comment and not a plan. When the end of September came, we went to the Halloween store, and he was under the impression we had savings for this. I didn't know. We went over the monthly budget together, and this was never discussed. When he found out that there were no halloween savings, we had an argument.

Afterwards I talked to friends who all said since he had talked about trick or treaters extensively, and how much it meant to him, I should have known. I chalked this one up to a misunderstanding on my part. So I came up with $500 my money, and went to him with an apology.

He decided to buy one big piece, an animatronic clown and some lights. It burned through the $500, plus he put a little on his own credit card. Then he wanted another big piece, and was mad I wouldn't put it on my credit card. I asked if he wanted to put up handmade decorations or spider webs but he said that would look cheap.

A few weeks later, we had a fight over candy. He was still stuck on buying full size bars. We easily will get over 250 trick or treaters, and I said we just don't have that much money. So we got the bulk bags of good small bars. I also had these little coloring books for the allergic and diabetic kids.

Jump forward to Halloween. The early kids show up and he is letting them grab handfuls. I remind him that we have a ton of trick or treaters coming, and he got really annoyed. I had ordered a pizza for us.

So I get it and go inside for about 10 minutes. By the time I came back out, the trick or treat bowls were empty. He had been dumping a third of a bowl in each kids bag and had given out all the coloring books to whatever kids came along.

He told me that I'd have to go run out and buy more candy on my credit card. I said I wasn't going to do that, and it wasn't my fault he just handed out 20 pounds of candy. He started yelling right there in front of the kids, and I told him to come inside.

He responded that he wasn't stopping trick or treating even if there was no candy. I told him to have fun with the clown, and went inside.

He came in 15 minutes later. Then he demanded that I leave for the night so that he could clear his head. He argued it was fair because I had already eaten and it was my fault that trick or treating was ruined bc I'm cheap. I handed him the rest of the pizza, but he refused

He left and went to a friend's house and I guess they spent the rest of the night drinking, handing out trick or treat candy and texting me how awful and cheap I am. AITA?

From the comments:

FaceTheJury says:

NTA. I want to see this $500 clown though! ­čśé

Trickortreat_ta OP shared:

National-Platypus144 says:

This whole post reads like 'I want to break up with my boyfriend but need someone to confirm that I am not in the wrong' - and yes she is not in the wrong to break up with the leech.

OilSuspicious says:

Can I suggest not singling out the diabetic kids? They can have candy, too, insulin is there for candy, and whatever else we need to eat.

Trickortreat_ta OP responded:

In my town if you have non candy options you can put a sign on your mailbox, so that families with kids who might have issues with candy know its safe to stop there. Literally doing what is asked by those families, and I don't ask why they aren't taking candy. It's just there when they ask for something else.

Lady_Havoc97 says:

NTA because of the fact that it's your house, and if anyone needs to leave, it's him.

Trickortreat_ta OP responded:

Okay, I'm sort of rethinking everything with everyone's comments.

eleventh_hour_11 says:

Wow are you his girlfriend or his mother? Absolutely NTA. I get that a big Halloween is something he's always wanted to do but guess what? Everyone has stuff they've always wanted to do but can't due to their finances.

Trickortreat_ta OP responded:

He had a REALLY toxic childhood, and this is his first real stable situation. Apparently, trick or treat was the time he sort of got to see clean and stable homes, and he got more to eat out of that candy than he did at home.

SamSpayedPI says:

NTA. It sounds to me like you're his ATM, not his GF.

Seriously, whatever issues he had to create so much credit card debt int the first place have not been resolved. He's fixing to ruin your credit rating, not raise his own.

Trickortreat_ta OP responded:

A lot of the debt is understandable. He spent part of his childhood in foster care, and his parents kicked him out when was 18 with nothing really. He went into debt early to pay for his basic needs, never really learned how to have financial literacy. Only when I pointed it out did he start to pay more than the minimum on his debts and start to work his way out of it.

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