Woman with cheating husband drops friend after she tells her to leave him. AITA?
When this woman is annoyed with her friend who's trying to 'help' her, she asks Reddit:
"AITA for dropping my friends for revealing my husband's infidelity?"
I've known for years that my (44F) husband (49M) cheats on me.I grew up with a single mother who worked night shift at a motel. I made it my goal to give my kids a better life. Aged 18 I married my high school sweetheart.
We both got jobs, him at a manufacturing company and me at a department store. Things went well until year 7 of our marriage when the company my ex worked at closed.
He fell into a depression and ended up having a one night stand with a girl in another city where he was interviewing for a job. He confessed when he came home and said that he was depressed because the job interview was bad and he was upset from the fighting and us not sleeping in the same bed.
I was furious and immediately kicked him out. Here's where my friend Marie comes in. Marie was a maid of honor at the wedding. When I told her why I had kicked my ex out, she was sympathetic.
However, after I told Marie my husband wanted to talk about how he's been working on himself ever since he cheated. Marie seemed sympathetic to the cheater and said maybe I should hear him out as a courtesy. However, I declined and divorced him.
A year later I start dating my now husband. His business started raking in a lot of profits soon after we met. After we married, I kept my friendship to Marie even though she wasn't part of the Santa Barbara scene.
My husband retired my mom after we got married. He also funded my boutique business. However, he is someone who gets bored easily. At first when I caught him cheating he apologized. However, this one time we fought about his cheating, he threatened divorce. After that he and I silently came to the agreement that his affairs better be discreet.
It was never openly discussed and he knows I'd prefer he be faithful, especially since we have an active s*& life. However, I prefer this over divorce, ruining my daughter's life, and dealing with a prenup his lawyers crafted that protects future earnings as well ( yes- that is legal.)
In my circle of friends, many women deal with this. They subtly provide me with emotional support. However, Marie works in the hotel industry and became aware of my husband's cheating.
When she tried to subtly allude to the possibility, I brushed her off. However, last week, when we were together with another friend of mine who lived in SB, Marie brought up that my husband was cheating and who with and how I should get divorced. I tried to get her to stop but she got fired up and started listing all the ways my husband was a cheater.
I was furious and did not know why she wouldn't let it go. After the other friend left I got in a fight with Marie about how she tried to get me to work it out with my ex and she said my current husband was far worse.
The way she kept telling me how my husband was horrible rubbed salt in the wound that she opened. I finally told her we had an arrangement and that I didn't want her around me anymore. She has tried calling me but I decided I did not want to continue this friendship. AITA?
Let's see what readers had to say.
1inda7 writes:
YTA. Look at this from her side. She has been your friend for years and tried to help you stay with 1st husband. Years later, you have a serial cheater for a 2nd husband, and she is appalled. I would be, too. You can make your own decisions, but I would at least talk to her. It doesn't seem like she was acting out of malice.
feral9 writes:
YTA and shallow and gross and you're teaching your daughter that her future boyfriends and husband can cheat on her as well, that its normal, that she has no value as long as she's got a little money, her happiness doesn't matter and self esteem mean nothing. Great example mom!
shantibrandon0 writes:
NTA and your 'friend' was incredibly out of line for bringing this up in mixed company and for being so adamant that you leave your current husband. It sounds like there might be some jealousy at play, and you don't need a friend like that.
Do what works for you and your daughter.In the future, you could possibly be friends with her again if she learns to mind her damn business and respect boundaries. Good luck.