When this woman completely ruins her proposal, she asks Reddit:
Hi everyone. There is a bit of drama happening between my boyfriend (28M) and I (26F) currently and I need help. I think context is extremely important here. 9 years ago I had an extremely traumatic experience - I was at the beach with my friends when I got caught in a rip and started drowning.
Thankfully a bodyboarder held me up as I started going under and then a lifeguard brought me back to land. Ever since this happened I have developed a severe fear of the water. I have not gone swimming since, I won’t even get into a bathtub. I absolutely hate the water. My boyfriend is aware of this.
It was our four year anniversary three days ago and he had planned a super big surprise for me. But as soon as we arrived at the marina I realised what was happening and I went into panic mode. My boyfriend had chartered a private yacht for our anniversary. I told him “you know that I cannot get on a boat.”
He asked me why not. I had to remind him that I am fearful of the water. He quickly became frustrated, and told me that I’m not going in the water I’m going to be on a yacht so it’s “safe.” I explained to him that’s irrelevant I literally cannot be near or on the water without freaking out. I blatantly refused to get on the yacht. Long story short, we returned home and he started arguing with me immediately.
I told him that I will give him the money that he paid for it, but he said that he isn’t angry about the money he wasted, he’s angry that I ruined something romantic that he had planned months ago. He then revealed a ring box and told me he was planning on proposing to me on the yacht.
I was surprised by this but also confused. I asked him why he thought it would be a good idea to propose to me on a yacht knowing my trauma surrounding the water. To which he replied “go to a F-ing therapist and work it out then instead of punishing and embarrassing me over it.”
We’ve barely spoken since. I do feel guilty, and I absolutely do want to marry him as he is the love of my life but I cannot control my phobia. And I do think he should’ve have known better. He could’ve chosen literally anywhere else to propose to me but he really thought that’s the best place? Now I’m just really confused. AITA?
NTA. He knew about your phobia and yet thought his plan was a good idea... really?! As for him telling you to: Unnecessarily cruel and so dismissive. I would honestly reconsider marriage or a relationship with him as a decent person would take your trauma and feelings into account and not make everything about them.
NTA BUT you are aware he broke your boundaries regarding water ? He KNEW as you claim that you do not go near water(boundary) him forcing you and knowing this isn't okay. That's a huge violation of your trust that you gave him. Which trust is what makes a relationship work.
You have phobia, a pretty understandable one, just because you do therapy doesn't mean it'll be "cured". I have 4 mental illnesses they aren't "cured" because I see my psychologist and take meds wtf lol. I wish, and I have a phobia of dinosaurs.
NTA. I am so sorry for your experience. In 2013 I was thrown off a raft on a white water rafting trip. I nearly drowned. Was rescued and brought back with CPR. I have the exact same phobia as you now. It is not a joke, or an inconvenience and he should really be more mindful and empathetic.
Anyone who knows me at all knows this would be a hard NO from me. Again, I am so sorry this happened to you, and you did nothing wrong. He most definitely did though.