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Woman conflicted when issued 'weight loss ultimatum' from fiancé before wedding. AITA?

Woman conflicted when issued 'weight loss ultimatum' from fiancé before wedding. AITA?

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When this woman feels bad about her body leading up to her wedding, she asks Reddit:

"AITAH for not wanting to weigh myself infront of my husband before our wedding?"

I am very insecure about my weight and put on over 10kg through covid, work stress and grief. I received an ultimatum in July from my fiancée that if I didnt lose 4kg by my birthday (yesterday) the wedding at the end of this year is off and demanded to know what my starting weight was. I know my husband wants the best for me. This IS awkward.

I was really distress/sad by this at the time of request that I couldnt even engage with him for a week. I even saw a psychologist to help me process it. I eventually cracked and told him my weight (76kg). We don’t live together.

I work really hard and lose 5kg in about 5 weeks. Yesterday was my birthday, the weigh in day, he came over to visit.

First thing in the morning i want to get this over with (still upset by the whole experience) and I stood on the scale in my pjs with my weight coming in at just over 70kg which he looks at and verbalizes.

He weighs himself then asks me to come back and re-weigh myself in front of him without any clothes on. I refuse. My reasoning was that I already felt humiliated and I was mentally only prepared to do it once which in my mind I did.

He thinks I’m the asshole because I refuse to do something that was important to him. I think he’s the asshole for making me go through this experience.

I texted a single trusted friend who gave me some reassuring words (essentially that I’m not crazy and this isnt my fault) which i shared with him not saying who the friend (F) was. He thinks that is not impartial and i’m badmouthing him.

We broke up over my refusal to re-weigh myself in front of him without clothes on. I know people who are impartial…. The internet!. Am i being unreasonable/the ah in not doing something that was important to him? AITA?

Let's see what readers thought.

huffmax7 writes:

NTA he sounds like a psychopath and I hope you can find somebody better. He shouldn’t be controlling your weight or making you weigh yourself in front of him. That’s extremely humiliating for you and probably just scratches the surface of how he would have treated you if you got married.

rantymcthroway writes:

NTA. At all. He is though, massively. He shouldn't marry somebody who he gives ultimatums to regarding their weight. I feel like everybody gained weight during Covid! I sure did. None of us have ever experienced anything like that before, of course many people will turn to food and it wasn't easy for people to exercise as much.

If he can't promise to love you "for better or worse" (like when you might gain weight), then he shouldn't marry you. What would he do if you got pregnant, demand you wear corsets all the time? Go be with someone who loves you for you, not how you look. I also definitely wouldn't marry anyone who sees confiding in friends as "badmouthing".

comfortableway76 writes:

NTA. What did I read? That is not normal and you might have just escaped getting into a sh*tty marriage with an even sh#ttier person.

Who treats their partner like that? 10kg is not even that extreme and even if it were more, the way he approached the "issue" (which really isn't as big of a deal, we all have troublesome periods in life and weight fluctuates for a lot of people) is absolutely unacceptable.

He sounds like a control freak and kinda has abusive tendencies. Who breaks up with someone for not giving in on the pressure of using a scale in front of him? I would thank him for helping me dodge a bullet.

If I were you and would go to therapy to fix whatever covid broke in my and whatever the ex broke in me from how he treated me. Take care of yourself and learn to love yourself. Find a supportive partner who doesn't treat you like a piece of meat. There's nothing to fix here, his behavior is a huge red flag.

Looks like OP is NTA. Any thoughts on this?

Sources: Reddit
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