Woman crashes ex MIL's funeral; tells his kids she's pregnant with their sibling.
When married couples take breaks all rules go out the window. You could agree to not date during those times, but it seems like at least one of the two, if not both, are going to find comfort in the arms of someone else (why not, you're single?).
In a post on Reddit's 'Am I The A**hole' subreddit, OP shares a story of dating a married, but separated, man. During the time she got pregnant, and then she got broken up with. Here's the story in her words...
My ex's mother and I were very close. I knew her from long before I started seeing her son. I saw her as my own mother. We kept close contact up until the end. When I found out she'd passed I was devastated.
Her funeral was yesterday and I went without receiving an invite (didn't know you needed an invite to a funeral but I guess this is important for later).
I'm pregnant with my ex's child. Unfortunate situation since he's back with his wife and things are tense but that's the current situation. I was going there just for the funeral and to pay respect to an amazing women who was treated me like her own child.
I even sat at the back so as to avoid getting attention however attention came and my ex's wife came to me saying that I was not invited and crashing the funeral so I must leave. Luckily my ex's older brother intervened and said that I was welcomed.
The only problem is that after this he basically forced me to sit further in the front (literally put his arm around me and led me to the front despite me saying I was fine) to sit in the row reserved for family, directly behind my ex, his wife and their kids.
While people were looking at the body (open casket) their kids saw me they came to hug me and noticed my stomach was big so asked if I was pregnant. Their mother butted in and made a snarky comment like 'yes darlings, she just can't stop making them'.
Mind you I only have one other child so this comment was purely just to make me sound like some loose woman. But still, I bit my tongue.
The youngest then asked if the child will have my red hair and her mother scoffed and under her breath said something like God forbid. So I was like maybe but your dad has brown hair so the baby could just look exactly like you guys since the baby would be their younger sister or brother.
Their mother overheard this and immediately called the kids back to her. I left as soon as the funeral was over. I got a call later that night from my ex saying that I was an asshole for telling their kids about the baby without talking to them first and told me to stay away from his family. Aita?
Edit: There was no affair. They separated. We dated. They decided to get back together. We broke up. They both already knew about the pregnancy before the funeral.
Here's what the comments said:
NUT-me-SHELL says:
ESH. I’m not sure what reaction you were hoping to get after sleeping with a married man…
TurtleScurvy OP responds:
They were separated to be divorced when our relationship started. They reconciled because she said she was going to leave the country to go home with the kids and he didn't want that so they tried to fix their differences so she could stay. Which they did and fell back in love happily ever after.
HexedDragon says:
You had every right to go to the funeral, were I you I would have waited until after to visit the grave, but to each their own.
YTA for dumping drama while talking to the kids. You could have easily sidestepped the children's question with a 'Wouldn't that be nice' or 'We'll have to wait and see.' You didn't do that, you chose instead start some shit.
Numerous-Present-478 says:
YTA. I get the impression you were hoping for the drama you created. I’ve never heard of needing an invite either, but if you’re a mother of 2 you’re old enough to keep your mouth shut instead of making snide comments to children
Ok-Macaron-6211 says:
ESH. You had every right to go to funeral as a friend of the woman who died. You didn't have the right to tell your ex's children they are about to gain a sibling at their grandmother's funeral.
TurtleScurvy Additional questions answered by OP:
'Was your ex at his mother's funeral? If not, why? If so, what was he doing during this whole exchange?'
This was during the viewing of the body so he was probably trying to control that or something but he wasn't sitting there at that time.
'Why didn't you give him a heads up you were coming?'
Truly didn't think about it. We hadn't spoken for about a month prior to the funeral.
'What did your ex's mother think of this whole situation?'
She was the one who nudged us together but she loved the both me and his wife so she didn't really like getting involved when things got complicated.
'Did your ex know you were pregnant?'
Yes.
'Did he know when he got back with his wife?'
No.
'How did your ex respond when he found out you were pregnant?'
Upset.
'Did your ex's wife know you are pregnant or is that something she found out at the funeral too?'
She already knew which is why she hates me.
'Clearly your ex's brother sees you as some level of family, but does he know his brother is the father?'
Have no clue but I'm sure he assumed so.
'I imagine you've known him a long time as well- what were the circumstances under which they separated and reconciled? Was your friendship/relationship part of the reason?'
They had some long lasting differences that resulted in their separation. I'd only seen him twice when he picked up his kids from his mother's while he was still 'actively' married so I definitely wasn't part of the problem nor were we friends until he spent more time at his moms post separation.
They reconciled because she said she was going to leave the country to go home with the kids and he didn't want that so they tried to fix their differences so she could stay. Which they did and fell back in love happily ever after.
'Was it common knowledge that you and ex were dating during that time?'
Yes
'Did you interact with his children as 'dad's girlfriend ' at any point?'
Yes
'Did your ex or his wife ever actually file for divorce? Move out of the family home?'
Yes and yes.
'Did you and ex's wife get along before?'
Almost no contact with one another.
'Did you date or know your ex before he married his wife?'
No.
'Why don't your ex's children know they are getting a sibling?'
Don't know. Guess they were going to stall it for however long
'Do you have a co-parenting plan worked out with your ex? Is he going to actually coparent, or just pay child support?'
We've only partially discussed everything but he is intending to be involved. To what extent exactly, I'm not sure. He wanted/wants to think things through.