'AITA for asking my bridesmaids to throw me a redo bachelorette party?'
"AITA for asking my bridesmaids to throw me a redo bachelorette party?"
I (25F) am getting married in 3 months to my fiancé (26M). This past weekend was my bachelorette party. My four bridesmaids and four of my other close friends spent the weekend at my grandmas cabin in the mountains!
The official weekend plans were kept a surprise from me but I had set the expectation that I wanted to play lots of silly stereotypical bachelorette games, spend some time outside hiking and/or swimming, and go to the club in the nearby town for one of the nights.
The first night we got there started out okay. It was nothing special and there was nothing planned so everyone was splitting off into little groups to do their own thing. I ended up not seeing much of my bridesmaids and spent most of the night with my other four friends who came. It also ended up being an early night because everyone was tired from travelling to the cabin.
The next day things started to go downhill. I was told to be ready to leave the house by 10AM. I went downstairs and waited in the living room at 9:45AM but didn’t see a single other person until noon.
By the time everyone was up and ready it was after 2PM. Around 3PM I finally asked my MOH what the plan was. She said we had missed our brunch reservation and everyone had immediately started drinking when they woke up so no one could drive us anywhere anyway. Since I was the only sober one at the time I ended up having to run into town and grab everyone lunch.
That night the plan was to go into town and hit up the club. Apparently no one had considered how we were getting into town which was a 45 minute drive.
We ended up calling a local cab to see if they could drive us into town and they said they could but they don’t typically do out of town rides so they would have to charge us upfront. I ended up having to pay for everyone ($250) but they all said they were gonna pay me back.
The club we went to was my favourite club where me and my MOH (who is also my cousin) always go when we come to our grandma’s cabin. However, when we FINALLY got to the club things immediately started going bad again.
I went and grabbed myself a drink and by the time I came back my group had integrated themselves with a group of around 6 guys. There was no room at their table for me so I went off to dance with one of my friends.
After a while we went back to the table and everyone had left! I called my MOH and asked where they were and she said that the guys had told them about a better club a few blocks away and they had went there.
She didn’t even realize I wasn’t with them. The one friend I was with wanted to join them but I just wanted to head back to the cabin at this point. She waited with me until my cab came and then she walked over to the other club.
When I woke up in the morning only three people had made it back. I asked them where everyone else was and they said they had ended up going home with some of the guys.
I texted the bachelorette group chat and said how sad I was about how the weekend had gone so far. I also mentioned that I thought it was inappropriate that they chose to go home with some random guys instead of coming back to the cabin. Some of them ended up responding that they were mad at ME because apparently they had no way to pay for the cab home and got stranded in town.
Eventually everyone made it back to the cabin. The plan for the day was to go to the beach and then play some silly bachelorette games back at the cabin. Everyone said they were really hungover and only 2 girls ended up going to the beach with me.
We made the best of it and had a good time but it hurt that only two of my friends spent the day with me. We got back to the house at four and everyone was having a blast. They were sitting around playing drinking games and having a really good time.
I asked what time they wanted to do the bachelorette games and they said they were having fun playing drinking games and didn’t want to stop now to do something else. I told them it would mean a lot to me and they begrudgingly joined me for one game that took roughly ten minutes.
As soon as the game was over everyone immediately left again to do their own thing. I was left with just one bridesmaid to clean up the game we had just played.
When we were done we went to go join them and they said they were in the middle of a game so we couldn’t join until the next one. The game takes half an hour to an hour so I said we would sit on the deck and they could just let us know when they were ready for us.
After an hour we went back inside and they had started playing a different game and pretty much the same thing happened again. Ended up spending most of the night with just two of my friends outside.
The next day was just the cleaning and leaving day. I sat on my hurt feelings for a few days then texted the bachelorette group chat and told them how excluded I had felt all weekend and that it didn’t feel like a bachelorette party. It just felt like a regular cabin getaway.
I asked them if we could do a mini-redo bachelorette right before the wedding. A few of them told me I was selfish and that they had spent a lot of time, money, and effort for this bachelorette party and that I should have joined them in what they were doing instead of pouting all weekend. They also said that nobody gets two bachelorette parties.
This is where I may be the a**%ole. I ended up blowing up at them and told them they were selfish and sh*tty bridesmaids/friends. I told them this weekend was supposed to be all about me as the bride and they made it all about them.
I also told them if they were all so pressed for money that they could pay me back for the cab none of them had contributed to and the food they never paid me back for which also cost me around $250.
My fiancé told me I have every right to be hurt, but when I talked to my mom about the situation she told me that they spent a lot of money to be my bridesmaids and it’s ridiculous to request a “redo”. So Reddit, AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
These girls are not your friends.
Too bad you can’t demote ALL of them bc if that’s the closest friend group you have you need to make better friends.
This isn't a bachelorette party. They wanted access to your grandmas cabin as a free launch spot. Id be devastated if my “friends” did this.
Definitely NTA. Honestly you should drop these people and pick all new bridesmaids.
I think a redo is a mistake. Clearly these people are not your friends and do not care about your feelings on the matter. As someone who as been the MOH- I hated every minute of it. I hated how much time and effort it took to make sure the 7 dingbats (I call them that lovingly) stayed in line and didn't go off on their own thing.
To make sure everyone was on time for everything I had planned. I can look back now and admit that I did not have fun that weekend. But you know who did? My best friend; the person who asked me to be their MOH knowing that I would do this with all the love in my heart.
She STILL talks about her bachelorette party and how much she loved it. The other 6 dingbats like to jokingly say that I was a maid-of-honor-bridezilla but... it was worth it to know that my friends had a good time.
These were not friends. They did not care about your fun, they did not care about your weekend, and they used your weekend as their own vacation. The fact that they would rather spend time getting drunk with each other and with random guys should be the only red flag you need to see here.