My sister is getting married on a Friday night and my boyfriend’s birthday is the same weekend- that Sunday. He is turning 29 and this would be his third birthday we were together for. Usually for his birthday we drive to the beach and spend the day there. He was hoping to do the same this year.
However- for my sisters wedding my family planned to rent a house right near the venue for a long weekend so we didn’t feel rushed. We got a house for Wednesday night- Sunday morning.
Obviously my boyfriend is invited to the wedding and would be staying with me in the house my family rented if he chooses to. And obviously we would get cake and go out to dinner etc. for his birthday while we were at the rental house.
He wants to leave the rental house on Saturday (a day early) so we can drive home (3 hours) and then drive to the beach the next morning for his birthday (1.5 hour drive). I want to spend the whole weekend with my family and I don’t want to leave early. My sister is getting married! She’s my best friend and I don’t want to miss out on any thing.
I feel like Saturday we are all going to be a little hungover, we will probably take naps and spend the day talking about everything that happened at the wedding. The house has a pool and a hot tub, pool table, fire pit etc. so we wanted to spend the day hanging out relaxing and reminiscing on the wedding.
I don’t want to get up that day, pack up my stuff and rush home just to pack again for the beach and have to wake up early the next morning to drive to the beach.
He feels like by Sunday the wedding is over and now it’s his birthday so I should be focusing on him instead of my sister. I said his birthday happens once every year compared to my sisters wedding being a once in a lifetime event.
I offered to go to the beach the next day (Monday) or the next weekend etc. but he only wants to go on his birthday. He is turning 29 years old and I feel like he should understand how important this event is to my family and to me and he shouldn’t want to drag me away from it.
He broke up with me because I refused to leave a day early. I’m so frustrated why he can’t see how important this is to me and how excited I am to be there and spend time with my family.
My parents and I also split the cost of the rental so for me to leave early would be a waste of my money. He doesn’t care about that because he didn’t have to pay- even though he’d be staying there with us I didn’t ask him to pay his share because he’s unemployed and doesn’t have money for that.
Edit- wedding is in the mountains 3 hours away from my home and the beach is 1.5 hours in the complete opposite direction. We only spend the day at the beach - not overnight.
From the comments:
Yta- the wedding was over on Saturday and you dismissed him entirely for the sake of a wedding hangover… two people in a relationship and the wedding is one thing, the day after is another.:
NTA. You can do his birthday the next weekend. This weird narcissism that it should suddenly be about him is red flag territory. Honestly, stay broken up.
Responsible-Ant8847 OP responded:
I do believe he is a narcissist so unfortunately this was just par for the course. I’m not surprised at all he has a problem with this. No other man I’ve ever dated would have this kind of reaction to me having a family wedding on his birthday weekend.
NTA - please don’t get back together with him, this is such icky weird behavior. The comments that are saying “YTA” are weird and I also wouldn’t want to date them - don’t feel bad, feel relieved. Congratulations on being single and here’s to finding someone 10000x better!! No regrets :)
Responsible-Ant8847 OP responded:
It is a huge relief. Thanks for your reply.
100,000% NTA. Your boyfriend is a grown-ass, nearly 30 year old adult- and can't wait a couple of days to celebrate his birthday?