'AITA for dumping my boyfriend because he refused to move out?' UPDATED
"AITA for dumping my boyfriend because he refused to move out?"
Okay so here's the deal, I'm moving out today and for weeks the plan was for my BF to help me take my things to my new flat. Today comes, and the landlord asks me to move in at 3pm rather than 5pm.
I tell my BF this and instead of offering to help me at 3pm, he says he'll meet me there at 5pm. He has no plans for the day. I asked him if he could just take me at 3pm, and his response was that he wouldn't be able to find free parking until after 5pm. I told him at least 3 times prior to this in the last week that there is free parking at the flat.
I then reminded him that there is free parking, but within the same sentence I added that I no longer want his help and I'll move my things on my own. It just felt like he didn't really care enough to think of a solution or prioritise me and I don't want to force him to do something that he doesnt seem like he wants to do.
Because I told him not to come, he's accusing me of making a big deal out of nothing. He said that if I had just reminded him of the free parking (for the 4th time that week) he would have been there.
The thing is, I don't want to remind him, I'm really sick of having to remind him of everything. He doesn't do anything out of his own good nature. We have been together for 8 years and similar situations have been a consistent issue.
He lacks leadership, common sense, problem solving skills. This was just the last straw. He told me to either apologise and take responsibility, or leave. I chose to leave. AITA?
Within the hour, the OP returned with an abrupt update:
Update: He harassed me and forced me to apologise (forced through verbal and mental abuse and harassment until I just gave in).
Now he's taken me to the new flat, and stopped by a grocery store on the way (which was the original plan) where he didn't bother to hold the basket, and he hasn't spoken a word other than asking for directions. I know it was wrong to apologise, I just felt intimidated and mentally drained.
Update 2: 7pm. My belongings were in his car as I went to collect the keys. I asked him to wait in the car; I didn't feel safe. When I returned, he asked 'what now?' And I told him he should go home.
He asked if I'm dumping him again. I said yes, I never wanted to make up in the first place. He accused me of using him, I explained that I had a large cab ready to take me but he's the one that insisted and coerced me into apologising.
He then proceeded to drive me back to my old place, while screaming and cursing, and left me there with my belongings. I guess it's over now. Thank you all for your support.
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
8 YEARS and he didn’t help you?! Yeah you made the right choice. My boyfriend of 7.5 years brought his trailer and best friend to move me out of my apartment without hesitation. Your ex sucks.
I’ve helped girls that I’ve talked to for like a few weeks move lmao, dudes just lazy, an a**$ole, or both.
NTA. He is being wilfully stupid to avoid helping. Like when people do chores badly to not be asked again. He sounds like a goose.
The only thing more upsetting than this post is the update at the end.
NTA he'll never change! Glad you decided to leave and I hope you're doing okay!
NTA. Well done for taking the trash out. You had a man child on your hands.
NTA. He wanted you to apologize for what exactly? His inability to be supportive and flexible when you needed him. You already wasted 8 years he is not going to change.