My ex's new GF called me 'rude' because I refused to take her kids for the weekend. UPDATED
"Ex's girlfriend expects me to take her kids for a weekend."
So some background info that is relevant. My 'ex' is not actually my ex -we've been separated for 9 years now, but we've never actually signed papers for numerous reasons (financial being the biggest one).
We've co-parented our son well for those years, and for the past eight years, we've included my boyfriend in the process. We've been doing quite well at this, and the three of us have established a pretty good relationship.
Two years ago, however, my ex got a new girlfriend. Her and I don't get along, mainly on her part -and no, I don't just say this because it's 'my side'. I've always encouraged my son to respect her, and try to get along with her, but he can't stand her, or her two daughters.
I don't mind her youngest -she's hyper, and bounces off the wall, but she's eight -it's to be expected. The oldest one -11, the same age as my son - however, is a... well, she's a b*tch.
She actively ridicules and belittles her little sister, my son, and my daughter (6). She's rude to me, my ex-in-laws, and even my ex. This girl is absolutely out of control.
Background out of the way, last weekend was my son's weekend at his father's. However, my ex and his girlfriend had been invited to an adult party.
My ex and I were discussing it when he dropped my son off on Wednesday, and he mentioned that it might be easier if we switched weekends around, but he wasn't sure if he could find a babysitter for the two girls, so we had to wait and see. I was fine with that, and told him to just keep me informed.
Later that night, his girlfriend sent me a message, saying that since I was taking my son for the weekend (question mark number one?), I could just take the two girls and keep them for the weekend too. Before I could even respond to this, she added that she would send them over clothes and some money so we could get pizza.
I told her that I wouldn't be taking her girls; that I wasn't 'taking' my son for the weekend, that he lives with me, and his father and I were just switching weekends around. And I certainly wasn't taking her children for the weekend.
She sent a message back, saying that it was very rude of me to not take her girls, since she took my son every other weekend. Before I could respond (again) she sent another message saying she'd send over fifteen dollars for pizza.
I told her that she didn't 'take my son' on the weekends, that my son spent the weekends with his father, and reiterated again that I wouldn't be taking her girls. She responded asking what I was doing that I couldn't take the girls. I told her we weren't doing anything; we were just going to have a nice relaxing weekend. She asked why I would 'ruin' her and my ex's weekend by not taking the girls.
By this point I was annoyed, and told her that I didn't like her oldest daughter, and she was a brat, and she wasn't allowed in my home outside of emergency situations. She responded by saying that I was an awful person, a terrible mother, and I didn't deserve children since I clearly didn't understand parents who just need a break. I ended up blocking her. But like... damn.
Edit: Wow, firstly, thank you for all the awards! I was just griping about my ex's girlfriend lol, didn't expect all this.
Secondly, while I've tried to respond to a lot of you, as a few general points...
I don't know where the girls' bio dad is; ex's girlfriend is from the west coast, we live on the east coast, and I've never felt it my place to ask.
She doesn't end up raising my son on the weekends; my ex knows our son isn't a fan, so they typically go fishing, camping, or hiking. My ex loves our son, and spends as much time with him as possible.
No, I did not call the 11 year old a b*tch to her face, or to her mother's face. I told her mother she was a brat, yes. If that makes me a terrible person, well, so be it.
I have screenshots of our convo, and I plan on talking to my ex when he picks our son up on Wednesday. I currently haven't heard from either of them, so I guess we'll see if she tries to drop them off tonight at 6 lol.
EDIT #2. So I just got off the phone with my ex, who called to ask when I'd agreed to take the kids, since last he knew, that wasn't happening. I sent him screenshots of the conversation, explained that I had never agreed to take either girl, and told him I was quite clear with her on that.
He said he was sorry, and he'd handle it, and that I'd see him on Wednesday when he picks our son up.
Here were the top rated comments from readers after this initial post:
Be on the lookout for those kids showing up at your door and her car being gone by the time you answer it.
Edit: If possible try to plan not being home when this situation might occur. Take your son out for the day somewhere and document it on social media. Have those texts saved that explicitly told her you would not be watching her kids.
Not your job to watch her kids she should get their father to. My ex knows she can drop my daughter off anytime with me no problem. I love spending time with her.
Bwahaha right! I'm sure as a parent yourself there's no way you would ever understand needing a break!( being sarcastic) Seriously,her kids, her problem.
Have your ex set her straight on child seeing his dad on weekends, not gf. That you are in no way responsible for her 2 kids. And if she over steps with the attitude again there will be a problem.
You need to forward all of that to your son's father and have him explain to her how this works.
In short: Her choice to be his partner is why she supervises his son who visits his father's home and lives with you, his mother. She needs to understand that if she wants someone to supervise her daughters that live in her home, she needs to hit up their father. Your boyfriend is not their father and you are not their mother. It's very simple.
The OP returned a week later with an update for readers following the story:
I edited the original post to add what had happened, but apparently not a lot of people saw it since I'm still getting messages and comments asking for an update.
The night in question (when she had wanted to drop her kids off), my ex called me at 5PM (an hour before what the usual pick-up/drop-off time for my son is). He asked if I'd agreed to take the two girls, since he knew I wasn't overly fond of having them in general, but GF had said yes.
I told him that I quite clearly told her no, in no uncertain terms, and told him to check his email, and that I'd emailed him screenshots of the convo after it happened. He sounded upset, and told me he apologized, and he'd discuss it with her, and would see our son next weekend.
He picked our son up yesterday for a few hours, and apologized again, and told GF that she was not allowed to contact me unless it was an emergency situation, and she was never to ask me to babysit again. I told him I understood, it wasn't anything on him, and left it at that.
Here were the top rated comments after this latest update:
Sounds like you and your ex are doing an excellent job of co-parenting and communicating- your son is very lucky to have you as parents!
An actual good ex, ruined bad taste in girlfriends (excepting OP, I'm sure)
Glad the ex listened, but think the new girlfriend will cause trouble again. The audacity of her to say the dad was 'taking' his son like it was a favour and not a coparenting situation.
Why on earth would a mother want to leave her two children with someone who didn’t want to be around the eldest? That alone would turn me off. It’s a lot of unmitigated gall, but it gives me shivers that the woman would try to do that.
She was legit just going to drop them off and drive away. We all saw it coming in your first post and there it is. Surprise!
Okay, probably not what my takeaway should be, but gfs 'I'll send $15 for pizza' baffles me completely cause with food prices now that's like one medium cheese pizza (before tax) which I do not think could feed OOP, her son, her daughter, the gfs kids, and potentially OOP's bf.
Idk why that's the most bizarre part of this post to me but it is.