Man lies about cheating, GF says, 'lying is worse than just admitting you're dying.' UPDATE
"I (23F) found the true reason why my boyfriend (24M) broke up with me."
Typically_Stupid
I was 18 when we started dating. It was the best 4 years of my life. I truly thought he was my soulmate, the one I’ll grow old with, the one who will be with me no matter what. But atlas, it wasn’t. This happened a year ago, and I’ve just found out.
Every Saturday he would take me out for dinner. This Saturday was no exception. He took me out to my favourite restaurant, we had fun like our normal dates. But no, this was different, his face was kind of rather sad? But happy because we were having a good time. But towards the end of our dinner, he had tears in his eyes but had a warm smile.
Then he got very quiet before he broke down saying, he doesn’t want to be with me anymore. I was so confused. We had a good time, we were about to move into a home together, there was nothing wrong. I just didn’t understand. Until he told me, he cheated on me.
It broke my heart. This was ironic, because at the start of our relationship, he had very strong feelings against cheating. Of course, I broke up with him on the spot and left. Crying. Something in me, did not believe him when he said that, but I chucked it up to “wanting to forgive him.” I ignored him whenever I bumped into him and just moved on.
However, just a few hours ago, his mother came by. We have always had a great bond so it didn’t really bother me that my ex’s mom was around. I looked up to her as my mother figure because mine left me and my father. When she came by, her eyes filled with tears. Then, she gave me an envelope and just left.
I opened the envelope. It was a heartfelt message form my ex. I won’t really write everything but the gist of it was, he had pancreatic cancer. He said that he only broke up with me because he didn’t want to see me heartbroken over him. He said that he doctors estimated that he had about 2 months left. And if I wanted to see him, I could, but if I didn’t, he did not blame me.
This brought me to tears. I felt a mix of sadness and hurt by how he had lied to me. This is far worse than cheating, in my opinion. I want to see him but I don’t want to at the same time. I love him but what he did to me is unforgivable. I don’t know what to do at this point.
A part of me wants to be with him during his last moments, another part of me wants to go and scream at him at the top of my lungs about how much hurt he has caused. I’m at a lost I don’t know what to do.
Here were the top rated comments from readers after this initial post:
QueenMother81
You love him still.. go see him before you miss this chance!! You WILL regret it.
The OP responded:
Typically_Stupid
I’ll visit him. Hopefully I can get an answer out of him about that “cheating” story. For now, i shall go to bed. I would most likely post an update after or during our meet.
Snowybird60
Hon, he told you what he did because he knew that that was the only thing that would guarantee that you'd leave him. I understand that you're hurt and upset. But can you imagine what it must have been like for him to find out that he was terminal?
The fact that he wanted to save you from all of the pain and hurt you would have gone through trying to stay with him says that he tried to put you first...even though he was dying.
My heart breaks from both of you because you're far too young to have to deal with any of this. Go see him and spend these last couple of months with him. If you don't, you're gonna regret it. Sending you both so much love.
Remarkablely_Stupid
These 2 months will be the only time you have left to see him. Go and see him. For the last time. At least he can rest in peace without any guilt of hurting you.
Agoraphobic_mess
He tried to protect you in his own stupid way. He loves you. You love him. Go see him and spend what little time you have left together. You will regret this forever if you don’t.
Less than a day later, the OP provided an update.
"Update. I found out the true reason why my bf broke up with me"
Typically_Stupid
Hi wow, I really did not expect this much support, for that I thank you for taking time out of your day to berate me or tell me to go to him. I really appreciate that :) I had a blissful 3 hours of sleep last night English is not my first language so if I misspell words, I apologise for any inconvenience trying to read Im probably going to recheck my English again (if I have time.)
The number of people pushing me to go meet him was astronomical and for those who thought this was fake, i really don’t know how to change your mind, and I truly don’t plan on changing your perspective in this. Believe what you want to believe, you’re not in my situation, I am.
This is a hot mess. I had some thought to it, slept on it, and just decided to see him after my work.I went to go see him. He looked very pale and thin, and one of his symptoms is jaundice so he was sort of yellow? A pale yellow. Seeing him so weak, just shattered my heart even more. We talked about life first.
Before I addressed the elephant in the room, I bought up his inconsistencies. The cheating story. Then his mother showing up at my door with his note. So, he apparently wanted to just leave me with a note but his mother advised him otherwise. His mother does know me well, if I had been left with just a note, i would surely come back to bug him.
The note was what he wrote and was planning to give to me via my best friend. He said when he was going to give it, he “lost” the letter, since he knew he mom was against it, he blamed her, causing a strain on their relationship.
She pushed him to meet me and tell me he had CANCER not of that CHEATING story. So her took me out, and “didn’t want me to leave heartbroken” and gave me that cheating story. Like as if I wouldn’t be if he cheated. It hurt more because it was like everyone knew except for me. I was kept in the dark for almost 1 year. Not even my best friend said a thing.
That hurt the most. And his mother was the one who decided to give me the note (I guess to fix the strain on their relationship?), and the one who wrote the “if you want to see me you can, if not, I won’t blame you” part (I assume this because she was the one who gave me the note.)
He was under the impression that I had magically found out through my best friend. I made a promise to just spend his last few weeks with what he wanted to do.
As for my best friend and his mother. I feel betrayed more by my best friend, at least his mother didn’t keep me in the dark for long. My best friend decided she won’t tell me. She was the one to comforted me when I told her about his “cheating” during that time.
She told me he was an a** and not go back to him (I was thinking about going back and getting details about his “cheating”) told me that real man don’t cheat and told me the perks of dating females (she’s lesbian). At this point, idk how to deal with my supposed “best friend.” I think the best thing to do is to cut her off.
Here’s some background info (for those who asked, I’m too lazy to retype this to the people who asked):
His cancer was diagnosed early on (his father died of the same cancer, doctors suspected that is was genetic and so he got tested) but he made a decision not to get treatment as to not put his family in financial position where they can almost go homeless, he was diagnosed at early stage 3.
So he could’ve been saved but decided against it. He is at the hospital, not the hospice. The nurses there are shifting from cancer treatments to palliative care to make sure he’s more comfortable. This has really changed my view on nurses. It’s his decision I cannot change.
When he passes, I would still want to remain in contact with his family to be a person of support for them. I will not be cutting them off. Imo cheating is equivalent to lying to your partner about your health. Maybe cheating is slightly worse, but not by much more.
For this crazy b***h, I’m going to cut her off, I just want to bury the hatchet and just move on with my life. I feel guilty for not feeling sad for my boyfriend, but that talk was really an eye-opener. It kind of took away all the guilt I had for leaving him at the restaurant that night.
I feel more relaxed that he’ll spend the rest of his life with me and his family. And no, I do not live in America. I shall not specify my location, healthcare here is okish, the cancer treatments are especially expensive.
I’ll try and answer any questions you have (keep it mostly vague). And to those people to reached out to me to personally to ask if I’m in a right mental state, yes, yes i am. Thank you for asking. So, I guess this is the end. Hope you have/had a good day. Thank you for reading.
Here were the top rated comments after this latest update:
RedditSkippy
I don’t know if it was this sub, or another, but I KNOW there was a very recent post from OP’s boyfriend from the opposite perspective. He had cancer and wanted to know if he should break up with his girlfriend.
Trickster289
Not overly prevalent as far as types of cancers go but cancer is a pretty common disease. Pancreatic cancer is also one of the more deadly types of cancers, usually by the time symptoms show it's already too late.
Admirable_Egg_5051
Not the most important part but... What was her view on nurses before?? What is it now? That line seemed weird.
WarmCry35
He has cancer that is treatable but he won't cause he doesn't want to put financial burden on his family....so his mom would just be ok with watching him die needlessly????? That's like a soap opera scenario. And I'm pretty sure doctors don't just say oh you're not gonna pay so you're just gonna die now.
MnmCircusThyme
According to a brief google search, stage 3 pancreatic cancer has a 20% survival rate, but he chose not to fight because of the 100% chance of resulting medical debt.F*ck the USA’s medical system. F*ck it so much.
neeksknowsbest
I didn’t think people with pancreatic cancer live that long. I was under the impression the time from diagnosis to passing is typically a few months at best but often it’s only weeks.