Woman forbids BF from attending bachelor party, 'I'm very traditional.' AITA?
Scheduling with your partner for group events can be tricky.
On one side, you want to meet their friends and see that part of their life. On the other, you want them to show interest in your friends and share that aspect of yourself with them. One woman was excited to introduce her boyfriend of 3 years to her friends at a wedding. They RSVP'd. But then, he found out that one of his best friends was having his bachelor party that same weekend. Now, they are stuck in a standstill and she is wondering if she is wrong for standing her ground.
AITA for telling my boyfriend he can’t go on his friend’s bachelor trip?
I (24f) have been dating my boyfriend (25m) for almost 3 years and lived together for 2. We have been to 2 weddings together and both have been friends of his from college that I have never met before.
I was happy to go because I am his partner and I love to meet people that have been a part of his life. This year he is a groomsman in 2 weddings and I have one of my college best friends weddings.
My friend’s wedding is this June and we have been RSVP'd since February. Yesterday, my boyfriend found out that one of the bachelor parties for his buddy is the same weekend of my friend’s wedding.
I told him that he wouldn’t be able to go because we have my friend’s wedding. He told me that he has never met her and he was not going to miss his buddy’s bachelor party for a “random” wedding.
I told him that if we hadn’t already RSVP’d for him then things would be different. I am very traditional when it comes to commitments on formal events. Now he is arguing that I am not his mother and I don’t make decisions for him.
All I want is for my boyfriend to attend the wedding with me because we already committed to it before we knew about the bachelor party. But now I am wondering if I am being an AH. So, am I the AH?
EDIT: After reading comments, I see that the way I addressed it by saying “he wouldn’t be able to go” was not the best way of approaching the conversation. He often forgets plans and I have to remind him. We both RSVP’d together so he had originally agreed to go with me. The invite was addressed to my name and his, not me +1 guest.
Here are the top responses from readers:
So your boyfriends friend is getting married, and he is a groomsman. The bachelor party for said wedding happens to fall on the same weekend as your friends wedding that you both are supposed to attend. Your boyfriend does not know your friend who is getting married.
If I have all this straight, then if you pressed the issue ywbta, the fanfare around the wedding he is a groomsman in for sure takes precedence over attending the wedding of someone he has yet to meet.
It's unfortunate but scheduling conflicts happen and as much as you dislike your commitment being partially changed, if your friend is any friend at all they will 100% understand, if it registers at all tbh, weddings are stressful.
If bf is an important person in the wedding party and bachelor party, shouldn’t his availability be taken into account when planning? If they planned it for the one weekend he has important set in stone plans, either he never told them he already had these plans or he’s not an important part of his friend’s bachelor party/life.
YTA. Why does this even need to be a point of contention...? You each have your own friends who are having weddings, and you should each go to your respective friend's weddings.
Why does he need to miss his friend's wedding to attend your friend's wedding? What could that possibly do for your friend? And, how is it more important than him having to miss out on his friend's wedding?
The RSVP issue sounds like an excuse for you to make some sort of point. You can easily let your friend know that something came up for your bf, but you'll still make it. It's really not that big of a deal. Most people expect no shows and/or extras.
He should go to his thing, you should go to your thing, and you should both have a blast! It's not even your own wedding for god's sake...why all the drama... :s
YTA: it's April, she likely hasn't given the final headcount for dinner. He is one person. It is unlikely there is one single person they would have invited instead. Substance over process. Yes you've RSVP'd but substantively the bachelor party means more to him. It shouldn't be a big deal since your friend won't have to pay for the extra dinner.
But even if she did, that dinner will go to a staff member who wants it and you can either up the size of your wedding gift or see if you can reimburse them because it is an AH move to pull out at the last minute and someone has to pay for the dinner. You SAY this is about an RSVP, but to me it seems more about controlling him and not letting him out of your sight.
My ex-boyfriend did something like this. It was just one example of a broader issue where he simply didn’t prioritize me. (If roles had been reversed, he would have been upset.) Is that maybe what’s happening here?