Woman frustrated wealthy boyfriend bought a house, wants her to pay rent. AITA?
Money fights are incredibly uncomfortable and can be deeply problematic in relationships.
One woman felt she was being fair with how she split costs with her much wealthier boyfriend, but she found out he felt that he was doing her a favor. When he mentioned how he was picturing their life with kids later, she really started to question if their relationship had a sustainable future.
AITA for refusing to continue paying rent when I buy my own house
My boyfriend (31M) bought a house this year, which is an unprecedented achievement in our country. He earns 5/6 times more than I (27F) do, and we usually split everything in half.
Lately, I've been calling attention to the fact that I'm supporting more expenses, but I gave him a discount since he was going to buy a house.
Recently he bought a house and has asked me to move in with him. However, he's also asked me to pay a 'symbolic' rent, which is essentially the same amount I'm currently paying for rent elsewhere.
Additionally, even though he's hired someone to clean the house, I know that I'll still be responsible for a lot of domestic tasks.
At first, I suggested that I pay for all the utility bills such as electricity, gas, water, and internet, as well as food expenses, but he didn't agree and we had a disagreement about it. Eventually, I agreed with him that it would be simpler to pay a fixed amount instead of splitting the bills and creating any entropy.
The discussion has become more intense because I mentioned that I will be able to buy a house by the end of the year. I explained that it wouldn't make sense for me to continue paying him rent if I have my own place.
I suggested that we find a solution that works for both of us. However, he thinks he is being overly generous, and he says that I would still be benefiting by paying that amount.
Since I've been with him, I've had very high expenses, and I've told him several times that I can't keep up with his lifestyle and that he should support some costs, at least half, because I currently don't have the capacity to handle both expenses.
He works very hard to make real money, and from the start of our relationship, I have been the one taking care of the domestic chores, cooking for him, and helping out with grocery shopping. When we go out to eat, we split the bill, and I don't mind doing all this for him because he is amazing.
He expressed gratitude for my efforts, but also stated his hope that I wasn't doing them expecting financial gain. He went on to share his vision for the future, stating his preference for separate accounts and everything being kept separate.
He suggested that I live in his house by paying rent to assist him with his credit, but emphasized that the house would always remain his property. He also mentioned that even with children, he would like everything to be equally divided.
I explained to him that I can't keep up with his lifestyle as I won't earn as much as he does. However, he became skeptical and hurt, implying that I'm only with him for his money and calling me an idiot for not understanding the situation, for not seeing things as they are.
My friends have told me that he's taking advantage of me and that I'm just a convenience for him for now. I'm starting to wonder if they're right. Should we be more individualistic in our approach to finances, or should we work together to build a good life and acquire property? Am I the one being unreasonable here?
Here were the top responses from readers:
NTA, he is taking advantage of you. He is treating you like a live-in maid and on top of that expects you to pay for the privilege.
NTA - and you need to run, run far and run fast. This man, who makes 5 to 6 times as much as you, expects you, to share equally in an investment where he reaps all the benefits.
This is wholly unfair, and he is taking financial advantage of you. He is the one who doesn’t understand the situation. You are together for a relationship, for the long-haul. He is in it for a financial reward.
Please don’t let his double talk dissuade you from moving on and finding somebody who values you for your worth and not for how much you can contribute to their financial stability.
So you helped him buy a house by supporting him, but he's not helping you buy a house by supporting you? NTA if I'm understanding correctly.
How exactly does he think you'd benefit from paying HIM rent, while you live in your own house? I am sure this logic is fascinating, and I am dying to hear it.
Everything in this post is a red flag. Why are you paying half when your boyfriend makes 5-6 times as much money as you do? 🚩