One boyfriend judged his girlfriend and blamed her for getting in a car accident because of her shoes. She insists, it wasn't her fault. Now, he's wondering if he is being sexist or misunderstanding.
My (28M) girlfriend, let's call her Emma (26F) likes wearing high heels ever since I have known her. She is self conscious about her height but it is not really a big deal when we are together as I am short. She is 5'2 and I am 5'6.
The issue however is when we go out together she normally drives as it is her car and she drives in her heels. I repeatedly tell her she should switch to flats and not drive in them as it is dangerous.
But, she refuses and says she knows how to drive in them and is used to it and claims in some cases it is easier as you can pivot between pedals easier. I think she is not being honest as I can't possibly see how it would be easier.
Last week she got into a small accident and rear ended someone, I was not there but a car changed lanes in front of her and she rear ended it.
I bought her some sneakers and told her to use them as driving shoes and left them in her car and she called me an AH and said her accident had nothing to do with her shoes and that I should drop it.
AITA here? I just want her to be safe.
You don’t sound like you understand Emma as a person separate from her relationship with you. I infer this because you think that her issues with her height shouldn’t be a problem because you’re not very tall. Why would her perception of her height have anything to do with you?
Then you assert the danger of driving in heels. It doesn’t sound like you have any personal experience wearing or driving in heels. But because of your superior mind, you can see that her choices are bad, despite the fact that they relate to things you don’t understand (like what’s easy and hard in heels).
Further, you assume that a car accident she was in was caused by her, and by her driving in heels. Further, you insist on it being your job to fix what you see as wrong with her.
YTA for treating her like a person with no agency of their own, and like you know her experience better than her.
As a woman, I can assure you that my shoes have no influence on my driving capability. And I live in a country where driving stick is the norm.
If anything before I had access to cruise control I preferred to wear heels on longer drives because my foot is at a more comfortable angle on the accelerator when driving the same speed for long periods of time.
My former flat mate drove in ripped sneakers, got a sneaker caught under the accelerator and crashed into the side of a volcano.
Pumps, heels, stilettos – whatever you call them, high heels can impede your ability to drive safely. The pointy heels can get stuck in floor mats and carpeting, making it difficult for a motorist to press the brake to avoid a collision.
Thanks for all the responses, I can't respond to them all, but I feel I pushed the issue too much and apologized to her. The responses seem mixed but I have spoken to her more about it and I guess it is something really subjective, and depends on the design of the car, pedals, the specific shoe as not all heels are equal, drivers height, practice in them etc.
In her case she says in her car, as long as she has good quality floor mats she has no issues and she prefers the seat position she uses when she drives in heels and the only shoes she has trouble with are flip flops or any shoe with slippery soles, which is fair as I have trouble in some slippery dress shoes as well.
The laws of most places seem to not call it out specifically, some have laws that vaguely say proper footwear and I saw some court cases where heels were blamed or flip flops but that is only when it could be proved they were a clear cause of the accident.
Also we just heard back that she is not at fault from the insurance.
First thing I thought of was that Mythbusters episode where they concluded that foot wear has no effect on driving performance.
Woman here. Heels are objectively dangerous to drive in, for many reasons, according to literally every single expert on the topic. One I saw cited by an automobile association was that if your heel is elevated, it makes it much harder to correctly judge how much pressure to apply to pedals.
Which might explain why she rear-ended someone; maybe she didn't brake hard enough, because she had no concept of how much pressure she was applying. It also damages the heels, just fyi. Like it's not good for the shoes either.
The fact that the majority of people here are arguing against actual proven fact that is supported by the entire industry (like this on the same level of saying seatbelts aren't necessary; that's how well-established this fact is) because 'but I know better than the experts, and the crash tests, and all of the evidence' - that is the reason I am terrified of being on the road.
Y'all don't know what the f*ck you're doing, and this is why so many people get hurt.
I would refuse to ever get in a car with someone who insisted on driving in heels; just like I would refuse to get in a car with someone who regularly went 50K over the speed limit, or drove drunk. Because it's proven to not be safe.
I'm ready to be downvoted for evidence-based fact, like people usually are in this sub.
NTA - since when did caring about safety become controlling?
YTA, even with your edits. She shouldn’t have to tell you in detail why it’s safe. This entire issue is because you think not only do you know better, but she must do exactly as you say. Even in your explanation, it’s as if now it’s OK because you understand it better - not because you trust your GF inherently and she is the one driving.
You still think you know better. So still TA. And why exactly should we trust that you are the better driver anyway? All of this hinges on you knowing better but honestly who knows what kind of a driver you are.
For the record - I drive in heels all the time and have never ever gotten into an accident with them on (the on accidents I have had wee while wearing flats). I don’t even feel like it’s less safe (and I am a pretty safe driver). And in this case, she was clearly not at fault so you even thinking that this was because of her heels is bullsh*t.
NTAAAAAA NTA NTA christ. Every driver has a responsibility when they go behind the wheel and driving is a privilege not a right. I've been told while learning to drive in the uk to wear flat shoes. No heels or flit flops. Rule 97 of the Highway Code, drivers are advised they must have'footwear and clothing which does not prevent you using the controls in the correct manner'.
The HEEL of your foot should be on the floor for correct pedal position. flip flops can get stuck and heels move the heel from the correct position. She should have baseball shoes for driving. In the uk if you get into an accident and have bad shoes you could get bigger fines etc.