'AITA for insisting on going on a family vacation to Hawaii with my ex boyfriend?'
"AITA for insisting on going on the family vacation of my ex boyfriend?"
My (34f) and ex boyfriend (25m) were together for a year and a half. Our breakup was amicable (I never assumed it would last given the age difference). I got along well with his family, even with his mother who (understandably) wasn’t a fan of our relationship given the age gap, but did like me as a person.
Before our breakup, we were invited to a destination wedding for his cousin in Hawaii. I was asked to make the arrangements for flights and hotel.
I didn’t mind, so we made the arrangements together, selecting the place and flight times and I put it all on my credit card with the promise that they would pay back their portions when they could. (Over $2k each) I have a good job and could pay off the whole trip and I was happy to do it to save them interest on a credit card. Since then we broke up.
Recently I got an email from his mother asking for her flight and hotel information. I politely reminded her that they would need to pay back their portion (it has been 3 months since we booked the trip) and asked if they would reimburse me for my portion of the hotel/Airbnb since we broke up and I wouldn’t be attending.
At first her response was cool, but polite saying that I would get my money eventually. I didn’t respond. She wrote back again with a much different tone demanding the information for the hotel/Airbnb and I said I was causing undo stress while they were planning for this big trip.
I replied that I would happily share that information once I was reimbursed. She said that I would not be reimbursed for my portion of the accommodation expenses and that she was going to tell everyone how terrible I was for holding the hotel information hostage.
I texted my ex and asked what was happening and why things had taken such a turn. He said I was being unreasonable and making everything about money which was unfair since I knew they were struggling financially and I wasn’t.
I said that it didn’t feel very fair to me that I was basically paying for them to go on this trip and getting nothing. He assured me that they would work on paying me back when things got better for them financially.
I said that just wouldn’t work for me since I had no guarantee and no idea how long that would be and that I would still be out thousands of dollars since they didn’t want to reimburse me for my portion.
I offered instead to let them share one room at the Airbnb and one room at the hotel but that I would be staying in one room as well. He was outraged and said I was making things weird, but my side is that I have the time off from work and paid for it so why shouldn’t I go?
I told him that I’m still within the range to cancel the reservations if that was a better fit which he also didn’t like since prices are much higher and places are harder to find now. I won’t attend the wedding of course, but I don’t see why I can’t take the vacation that I planned and paid for. Am I the a**%ole?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
NTA. It’s been several months and you haven’t been reimbursed for even a portion of the trip. IMO, since you’ve paid for everything it’s your vacation to enjoy. If you can afford it, why not just cancel the extra airline tickets, keep the Air BnB, and have a lovely time in Hawaii on your own?
NTA. But if you can cancel and get refunds on everything, then tell them they need to pay you X dollars by Y date or you're going to cancel everything and what arrangements they make and how they fund them at that point is on them.
Give them a hard deadline — pay X amount (cash, certified check, or Venmo — not a personal check that they can stop payment on). Pay in full by specific date. If they don’t pay in full by that date, the reservations will be canceled, and it will be up to them to get new flights and lodging. And you will recoup your money.
Those are your terms— full stop. It is neither your obligation nor your responsibility to extend credit to your ex and his family. If paying you back wasn’t a priority when you and boyfriend were together, it definitely isn’t in the realm of possibility now that he’s your ex.
NOT YOUR CIRCUS — NOT YOUR CLOWNS. NTA
ETA: Do this via email to ex and ex’s mom (with a read receipt). Then it’s totally on them. And if they miss the deadline and send their flying monkeys to tell you that you’re an AH, just forward a copy of the email. Same if they complain about you on social media— just post the email.
I love Hawaii! Gooooo! You'll prolly never see that money ever. Might as well enjoy yourself. NTA.
'How dare you expect us to pay when you know we can't afford it!' And 'Don't make it weird by coming to the airbnb/hotel you booked for us. Break-ups mean we're over.' Lol NTA.
One time, I had an ex who, as a joke, bought me (and himself) tickets to see Weird Al for Valentine's Day. He was a dude who laughed at the idea of romance so I knew it was a bit of a gag. We broke up shortly after.
But, I made sure to tell him that I couldn't wait for the concert, that he could pick me up at ____ time. When we got there, and I sat between him and, to my surprise, about 5 of his buddies. Apparently I used a ticket and one of them couldn't go. Sweet, sweet revenge. Fantastic concert. 100% RECOMMEND Weird Al.