Woman insists her partner never use dishwasher; says, 'I'm a little neurotic.' AITA?
Moving in together can test any relationship. You need to negotiate, compromise, and above all else, communicate. In this post, OP communicates, but really only to lay down the law, which was never going to end well. Here's OP's story...
'AITA for using my dishwasher as a storage space and still expecting my partner to do dishes?'
Long story short I'm a little neurotic and don't think dishwashers are good for dishes. I also don't trust my partner to not put any of my nice kitchen stuff in the dishwasher that should be hand washed while I'm gone. My partner said, well before we moved in together, that in our house he wants to be able to use the dishwasher otherwise he won't do any dishes.
So we move in together and I end up using the dishwasher to store shaker bottles and plastic items, and for the past several months have been washing all of his dishes by hand. I'm so tired of it though and believe he can wash a few dishes every now and then to help me out.
He points out that he already told me if he can't use the dishwasher he's not doing any dishes, but washing a dish by hand doesn't take long. I'm getting frustrated and I'm not sure who is in the wrong.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Outrageously_Penguin writes:
YTA. The dishwasher is for washing dishes, not for storage. It’s more than a ‘little neurotic’ to object to that, it’s completely absurd. I would take the exact same position as him: if you’re going to put up arbitrary barriers to getting the dishes done, you get to do all the dishes.
ResoluteMuse writes:
“I’m getting frustrated and I’m not sure who is in the wrong.” You are. YTA
heytherecatlady writes:
Seriously. Wtf.
Forget OP's weird anti-dishwasher stance. OP MADE A DEAL when they moved. SO said if they can't use the dishwasher, they wouldn't be helping with the dishes. OP feels entitled to have their cake and eat it too now that they want help with the dishes, but wants to control how their SO helps with the dishes. So many relationship red flags.
OP, YTA for so many reasons.
lifeisstuff writes:
YTA because we all know the real reason you are using the dishwasher as storage space and it's not for lack of storage, it's to passive aggressively prevent its use. That's not an open line of communication. That's driving a literal wedge into something your partner wants to do. A lasting relationship is a series of compromises and you're giving none of that energy
AmIarealbunny writes:
I feel sorry for the partner. I don't trust him with the special dishes. Ouch. He's right. Why should he wash dishes? Also, isn't this his home, too? What other areas are you treating him like an untrustworthy partner? It all makes for an uncomfortable living situation
Apprehensive_Rip8990 writes:
Yta, but I get what you mean about not trusting him to not put certain things in the dishwasher. My other half has ruined bamboo chopping boards, our daughter's water bottle etc. And he's used scrubbing sponges on non stick pans which ruined them. Our dishwasher broke and the landlord won't replace it, so it is no longer an issue.
Rivka333 writes:
ESH. You're too rigid by forbidding the use of the dishwasher. Your partner is too childish by his refusal to wash dishes.
He would be in the right to state that your refusal to allow dishwasher use is going too far, but his actual response--i.e. passively-aggressively refusing to wash dishes is the wrong way to respond. You say, 'and I'm not sure who is in the wrong.' Both of you.