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Woman looks for second chance with ex-fiancé; his family belittles her all over again.

Woman looks for second chance with ex-fiancé; his family belittles her all over again.

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"AITA for bailing on my ex after I found out that his family was coming?"

Secret_Cat606

Tyler (M38) and I (F36) were engaged three years ago. I ended things because of his family’s contact interference. I returned the ring and tried to move on as best as possible. One year later, we started to talk again. I had already taken a new job that removed me from the area and I’m making 5x his salary.

We decided to give it a try and take things slow. He moved to a town halfway from where I live now and after almost a year, we decided to move in together. He rented a place and while I didn't agree to fully moving in, I would stay for 2 nights a week while working near his area. I also bought all the furniture and considered accepting my ring back.

Everything seemed good until he lost his job. He became very bitter because he was not only passed over for a promotion but laid off. I had to help him with his bills, and I was okay doing it while he got back on his feet, but I noticed that he violated the boundary I had established with his family.

Tyler started doing video calls and giving them virtual tours of the place despite me telling him that I did not wish to appear on camera. He used my phone to call them, and this made me very angry. I never asked him to cut his family off.

All I asked was to NEVER be forced to interact with them. I’d agreed that I would be civil and polite should there ever be a wedding but there would be no phone calls, I would attend zero family functions etc.

When we first dated, his mother never liked me and was incredibly disrespectful. She went from making faces of disapproval in front of me (pointing at me with her lips) to actively excluding me from conversations.

She also ignored me the one time that I had invited her to our place. Things got worse when she blatantly talked about his ex, Nina, in front of me and didn’t mind letting me feel that she would do anything to get them back together.

Our engagement ended because BIL was at our place. His then wife kept calling him and he was ignoring her, so SIL called me in tears and said he had said he was bringing diapers and 4 hours later, he wouldn’t pick up the phone.

I passed the phone down to BIL and he yelled at her. I called him out for it, and we had an argument. MIL called me after that and insulted me. She said I had no business meddling in her other son’s marriage and that she hoped her son opened his eyes and left me.

I was still very confident in my relationship with Tyler and put her in her place. She started crying and said she wished her son would put “cuernos” on me (Spain’s slang for cheating) because he’s fit and I’m a little chubby and I had lucked out.

She never apologized and Tyler said she is his mother, and he couldn't do anything, and that she had been through a lot since FIL left her for another woman blah, blah,blah. The situation escalated and it got worse and worse.

His family would intentionally show up unannounced at very late hours or call him extremely early in the morning. This stressed me out, and when I said they were no longer welcome, he tried to impose them on me, so I broke up with him.

Three months into his unemployment situation, I got lots of hostility from him. He was defensive and guarded his phone. When he took a part time job and his weird behavior got worse, I feared he was having an affair, so I got into his phone.

I know it’s wrong. I found a long trail in his family chat. His mother trashed me like I’m some loser aspiring to be her DIL and his brother's made fun of my voice when I’m angry. I stopped looking into his phone, but I felt deeply betrayed.

Last week, Tyler announced that his family was “coming to visit”. He gave me no space to refuse and zero time to process. I found it extremely weird that 6 people would take a 3-hour flight and had “no idea” of where they would be staying.

We had a huge argument, and I was hurt to see that he just slipped into his old habits. He changes whenever we argue about his family and uses an emboldened demeanor.

He shut down my objections by rubbing it on my face that it was his house and I needed to stop being so childish, because if his family needed to stay over, we wouldn’t turn them away.

I have no proof of this, but I think maybe this is why he chose a 4-bedroom place. He said the extra beds that I bought would be great for inviting friends over. I never questioned him because I never thought I would end up having to help him pay his rent.

I was not on the lease, but we were planning to talk to the landlord as our relationship seemed to have reached a stable patch. I cried all night, and he jolted out of bed and mumbled that I’m a drama queen and that he was fed up.

I’ve never felt so empty inside my heart. I had a mild panic attack (felt like my blood pressure was dropping while I got the urge to take off my clothes and start pacing) that I was able to control by lying down on my left side and applying ice to my forehead (don’t ask me why but it always helps me). I also had diarrhea and woke up in the living room, and he never asked what happened.

After getting the silent treatment, I decided that this is too painful and moved out with everything that I bought. I didn’t take any of his belongings nor things I gifted him. I did leave all relationship mementos to avoid triggers and didn’t go absolute vacuum mode and didn’t take anything from the bathroom.

Unfortunately, I didn’t get to completely move before he showed up. He had some kind of a breakdown and cried and begged but I had made my decision. He sent me a long text message apologizing. He also said that I imploded his life and his family’s, which caused me to think that he might have thought of bringing them to live with him.

I know it sounds far-fetched, but I don’t know what to think. He started calling me a lot and it made me very anxious, so I told him that he’s a lesson and I will never again date a man who’s so far behind in his life that he needs to depend on the very same person that he mistreats.

I called our relationship a painful mistake and told him that I hate him. His reaction freaked me out because he cried so loud that I had to hang up and block him. I’m haunted by his reaction. I know what I did wasn’t upfront, but I know he was putting me through a bad situation. AITA?

Here were the top rated comments from readers:

knight_shade_realms

NTA. Do not ever talk to this guy again. He has shown just how much he respects you. Also, be glad your name isn't on his lease. Hopefully his momma can cover his butts rent since she looked so far down on you.

HilMickaelson

Let me see if I understood correctly: he bought a house, and you were taking care of all household expenses because he couldn't. Then, he decided to bring his family to the house without giving you a choice. You also didn't have a good relationship with his family, and he treated you poorly.

Do you realize that he cried not because he loves you but because he lost his ATM that would support him and his family? NTA for leaving him in that messed-up situation. YA because you knew how he was and gave him a second chance.

Girl, you should value yourself more and keep toxic people away from you. Stop giving him more chances; he just wants someone to financially support him and his family and be his doormat.

aquavenatus

NTA. Has anyone else noticed the #1 reason OPs ex dragged this rebound relationship? He probably knew there was a chance he could be fired from his last job and OP was making way more than him.

He was probably embarrassed by this and allowed his family to make fun of OP instead of him. This was a HUGE mistake on the ex and his family because it was obvious who was paying for EVERYTHING!

Then, he tried to move those same toxic relatives in and have OP pay for their lifestyles ungraciously?! OP was wise to leave when she did. NEVER bite the hand that feeds you!

WiseUncuh

NTA. He’ll be fine. He has his mommy to rock him to sleep and tell him everything will be fine.

PenaltyAggressive810

NTA. He totally planned to have his whole family move in. You should never have taken him back.

So, do you think the OP was right to walk...again?

Sources: Reddit
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