'AITA For walking out of an event when my fiancé introduced me as a bookkeeper?' UPDATED
"AITA For walking out of an event when my fiancé introduced me as a bookkeeper?"
I (F45) have a Fiancée (M55) who is retired military officer. I own a successful company I started 7 years ago and have a small staff of 25. I worked my way through college, paying as I went. Therefore, I graduated in my early 30s with a double major in Accounting and Business Management. I am very proud of that.
For a little background: I worked hard for my degrees and have zero debt. I know it took me longer than the typical student going full time to college after high school. I worked full time to pay as I took classes.
I went to Jr. College first then finished at a 4 year. I took 2 classes per semester...for a long time. But I finally made it!! I have been 'teased' that Jr. College isn't the same as going 4 years at a major university. Well, I am proud to have done both and feel the education I received at Jr. college was excellent.
I worked as an Accountant for some large corporations, as well as programming and IT. I started my company doing similar support to large and small companies alike. I have a wonderful staff.
I manage the contracts, kick off meetings, Sales and Consulting staff. I also do some of the consulting and most of the sales/contracts. My sister is my office manager, and I am blessed in so many ways to have her.
I was dating my now fiancée before I started my company, and we recently got engaged. Everything seemed to be perfect, except he keeps introducing me as a bookkeeper. No disrespect intended to them or the profession. My issue is that I have worked hard to get where I am. I am an accountant, Graduate with a double major, and successful business owner.
He could pick almost any other 'title' to introduce me as, but he chooses 'bookkeeper'. I have asked him many, many, many times in private to stop calling me that as it implies to my clients and business associates that he doesn't respect me or what I have accomplished.
He said he doesn't see the big deal or the difference and continues to do so. I recently pulled him aside and asked him to just introduce me as a consultant at the event we were going to. While there we were talking to a prospective client (for my company) and he says, 'she has come a long way for a bookkeeper'.
I know my face had a full blush at that, excused myself and walked away. We had both driven there, so I got in my car and went home. (We both own our own townhomes). I sent him a text to let him know I was leaving and would talk to him later.
He thinks I am over-reacting. My family thinks he is a controlling a** that doesn't respect me or women. I'm not sure what to think now. He seemed so supportive when we are together, but not when we are around other people.
He tends to treat me like a subordinate, nice kid, playing with the adults. He does talk down to me in front of my family, but I always assumed he was 'joking' badly. So...AITAH for leaving and over-reacting?
Here were the top rated comments from readers after the initial post:
NTA!!! This man is f$&king military. He understands what titles are and why they matter and he is doing this on purpose.
ETA: 'My family thinks he is a controlling ass that doesn't respect me or women.' If you love and respect the opinions of your family in other circumstances, and you trust them to have your best interests at heart, then you should always always listen when they say things like this to you.
In the end you get to make your own choices, but when you have a loving family, the chances of them saying this without meaning it are really slim. The people who love us can see what we can't and want what is best for us.
NTA
He was never joking, he’s just an AH that likes putting you down.
'He said he doesn't see the big deal or the difference and continues to do so.'
Because I'm snarky, if I were OP I'd make a point to call him by a rank several ranks below his actual final rank and say I didn't see the big deal.
OP returned with an update 5 days later:
EDIT: Update/ I had a conversation with him, after a few days. He feels I'm lucky to have him and need to listen to his advise more and not overreact. The attitude along with reading everyone's replies (Thanks!) I have called it off with him. I need someone who is proud of me and caring. My family responded by buying champagne. LOL
Three days later, OP again returned:
Had another conversation with the ex-fiancée. 'Now that I had time to get my emotions under control' He was willing to let it go. I laughed and told him I'm fine and so are my emotions. I told him about the post and that he should read the replies. Lets just say he was not happy. I did say no name were used, just Me, I and He.
Here is the TOTAL SHOCKING PART: He wanted to know what I was going to give him for his help with MY Company. After the shock wore off, I handed him a dollar and walked away. I was told the family and my brothers wanted to pay him a visit.
I told them I handled it and gave him a dollar. We all laughed, went to the store and got more champagne. God I love my Family!!!!
Here were the top rated comments after this latest update:
Giving him a dollar! That is brilliant and you know that his tiny little brain will never get over that.
He was doing it on purpose. If he really didn’t think it was a big deal, he would’ve actually listened to her. He’s not a prize and I’m glad OP knew that.
He's deliberately trying to put her down to assert control. He's a crap person.
I remember this one. The comments suggesting OP refer to him by a lower rank or the wrong branch were the best.
Bookkeeper was always the way of describing someone one who was your accountant but didn't have the formals. She has the formals and should appropriately be described. A lot of men happened to use their wives as book keepers ... the people that actually make sure the business is running alright... bleugh to s&%ist crap.
Sounds like someone is intimidated by his partner's success. Personally, I've already told my wife if her company takes off, I'm absolutely fine with being her trophy husband. May need to spend a bit more time in the gym though.
OP responded in the comments to show her appreciation for everyone's input:
Thanks, Yes I have called it quits with him. I know its not OK to treat me this way so no counselor needed, thanks. LOL. Life is good now and lots of weight off of my shoulders.