Woman horrified when MIL glues animal fur to Xmas card to prove a point; hubby says, 'she did it out of love.' AITA? UPDATED.
When this woman is appalled by what her husband claims is a "tame xmas card from his mother," she asks Reddit:
"AITA for telling my husband that his mother's christmas card was disgusting?"
Christmas at my in laws is an important tradition to my (23F) mother in law. Since her kids were babies, Christmas was always at her house and she wants to keep it this way.
The issue started when my MIL adopted 7 animals this year, including 2 big dogs and cats. Its important to note that my MIL was not the best a keeping her house clean before animals, so now, with 7, you can only imagine how dirty it is.
My sister in law and I have pretty severe allergies to animals and therefore, we have to limit our time spent at the family house.
In November, I asked my husband (23M) about Christmas. I told him that maybe it would be best if we hosted this year so that everyone can enjoy the night. He agreed and so we invited everyone over.
My MIL was not so happy about it but did not make a big fuss. We compromised and agreed that we would do Christmas eve at our house and Christmas at hers. My husband told her that we would only stay an hour or two max due to my allergies.
On the 24th everyone came to my house and we all had fun. When it was time to open the gifts, we all took out turns. When It was time for my MIL to gave us her presents, she handed us a card. I opened it.
It was a Christmas card with Gnomes at the front. The middle Gnome had a beard with real fur on it. It looked a bit wierd and home made but I did not think anything of it until I opened the card. Inside was a note saying « because the animals could not be here with us tonight.
I looked at her and thats when she told me, proudly, that she went around her house, looked on the floor for bits of fur from her animals and glued it on the card. I was disgusted but acted as if nothing, thanked her for the card and we continued.
Then came the time for my MIL to give me sister and law as well as my brother in law’s Christmas card. It was the same thing. Gnomes with old and dusty fur glued on it with the same note « Because the animals could not be here with us tonight.
Once everyone had left, I told my husband that his mom was crazy for the card. He said that it was nothing and that she just wanted to include the animals since she loves them so much.
I told him that it was not an excuse and that the card was a direct jab at me and my sister in law and that it was overall disgusting. I would never give someone my dogs old fur as a Christmas gift, specificaly if that person is allergic.
He thinks that I am over reacting and that the card was not « that bad », that « its just a card » and that I am over reacting. Am I the asshole?
Let's see what readers thought.
mysteriousmethod8 writes:
NTA at alllll. Picking up random fur pieces and glueing them to a Christmas card is one disgusting thing, but she knows you’re allergic and that the fur will still trigger your allergies. She was gonna get to you one way or the other and your boyfriend enabled it.
spooky365 writes:
Not the asshole but your boyfriend and MIL are. She sounds unhinged and pretty gross. That kind of behavior isn't normal and you should ask yourself if this is the kind of family dynamic you want to stay in. Are you prepared for punitive and petty Christmas gifts from this gross woman forever?
Also your partner should have your back and not let her treat you like this. The fact that he would try to normalize this kind of deranged behavior is the biggest red flag. If he wasn't shocked or appalled, that's not only telling but disturbing.
He thinks this crazy behavior is not only okay but "not that bad." None of this is normal, including his reaction.
Set some firm boundaries and limit contact. Life is too short to be miserable every Christmas.
You and SIL should get her a pet hair cleaner next Christmas. Maybe a coupon for a house cleaner or one of those dusters for pets, just to be petty. Glue a swifter pet hair duster to her card.
Seriously though you got an arts and crafts project from a psycho.
coralcoast6 writes:
Forget that you have allergies. Just focus on someone gathering pet hair and gluing it to a card. WTF should have been your bf's response, not the "aww, my crazy pet loving mom".
Look into your future. Do you see bf defending the safety of any children you have? Or will he continue to defend his mom? RUN!
ofbalance9 writes:
Your response to MIL's nasty card does you credit! I would have, none too discretely, thrown it into the fireplace. And watched it crackle and burn.
Your SO has to reinforce both your boundaries. And their consequences. Setting boundaries doesn't mean an instant win. They mean over-stepping actions have consequences. And that is up to your SO to enforce those mutually discussed consequences.
Wishing you and yours every happiness! Your SO needs to learn that their mum's behaviour is not normal. Ask them to ask some of their friends if that nasty card nonsense would fly in their household.
OP offers this update:
He is my husband and as I said, we did compromised, we did Christmas eve at mine and Christmas at hers. I can help her at her house but the animals are still there. My issue is with the old fur.
She could have taken a picture of the animals, that woudl have been funny. Its the fact that she knows I am allergic, and she chose to give my husband and I a card with old fur from the floor of her house.