When this daughter is annoyed with her mother about Thanksgiving, she asks Reddit:
My mom (55) invited both my boyfriend and I for Thanksgiving. I am 30 and my boyfriend is 33. My mom lives about 5 hours away, and we would have to drive Wednesday evening in order to be there for the holiday.
While discussing the plans for Thanksgiving, my mom said she was ordering a turkey and was expecting my boyfriend and I to prepare a side each.
I was taken by surprise because I have hosted her multiple times and never asked her to prepare any meals, and even when asking for help while cooking, for instance if she could bring me flour from the pantry...she laments that she is the guest and should be served and shouldn't have to help.
I expected the same would go for us if we were guests, but I guess I was wrong? On top of that, she doesn't even have a place for us to rest, she said she has an air mattress that we can rest on during the 2 days we would be there in her one bedroom apartment.
Every time she visits us, we prepare our guest room with nice bedding and make sure the bathroom is clean for her. I found out last night, that she corralled my grandmother (76) into making desserts. To me it sounds like she is getting another stress free Thanksgiving while the rest of us have to cook.
To make matters worse, she even expects me to cook at my home and then somehow pack the sides that we made and drive 5 hours to her apartment with them, because she doesn't want us to use her kitchen to cook.
When I suggested that I just make the sides at her house because driving with perishable food would be a hassle, she said I would need to give her money so she could by the ingredients.
After going through all of this, I rescinded my invitation to have her over for Christmas, because it is clear this is a one sided relationship in which she expects everything to be prepared for her. AITA for thinking her request is outrageous and selfish?
ESH it is definitely a ridiculous double standard to refuse to help when she’s the guest but expect everyone else to help her. However, she has a 1 bedroom apartment. She can’t make a guest room appear out of thin air. And having different people make dishes for holidays is very common. You’re making one dish each. Pick something easy. One dish shouldn’t take you that long to make.
YTA. What space do you expect her to give you in her 1 bed apartment? The only solutions are either an airmattress in the lounge room or a sofa bed. And I've always read that usually all guests bring side dishes with them when invited for thanksgiving. But that's only what I've read from here and elsewhere.
YTA in every Thanksgiving I've ever participated in (across bio and step family) guests bring sides. The host usually does the turkey, gravy and some items. Guests usually bring pies or other sides that are precooked and made in an oven so that they don't need to use the oven the turkey is in.
It doesn't matter on that normal, non-holiday visits your mother doesn't cook. Thanksgiving is a meal based holiday more like a potluck. I find it very weird that you think those are comparable situations. Also buy a cooler and a bag of ice, it will keep the food fine until you get there.