Woman refuses to let her sisters be bridesmaids at wedding. AITA?
When this bride is annoyed with her sisters leading up to her wedding, she asks Reddit:
"AITA for not wanting my sisters as bridesmaids at my wedding?"
To start I want to say that my fiancé (m25) and I (f24) agreed to not have ANY bridesmaids or groomsmen for many reasons. After dinner with my mother, she asked when I would ask my older sisters to be my bridesmaids.
I explained that I didn’t plan to as they both live in a different state and haven’t visited since the move over a year ago, one has 2 kids under 2, and since we’re not receiving any financial help, it’s just expensive to have all the stuff that comes with that like paying for stuff for them and rehearsal dinners.
I felt as if it would be difficult and not sure if I could rely on them for anything to do with the wedding. We’re looking toward buying a house as well so we want to keep under budget as much as we can.
My mom proceeded to tell me it was rude to not have them up there with me since my father is walking me down the aisle (my parents are divorced) so no one from “our side of the family” will be up there.
She proceeded to tell me that since the venue has us schedule the rehearsal dinner 3 weeks in advance, I never planned on asking my sisters and started turning this into me doing this with a rude intent.
She said they have been planning stuff for me (no one told me this). My mom keeps saying they deserve to be told but I haven’t told them my plans yet since my wedding is still more than a year out and my fiancé and I have been trying to adapt to our lives at home after he got out of the hospital from open heart surgery.
With the way she keeps arguing with me about my plans for the wedding, it makes me not even want one anymore and I haven’t even told her all of our wedding day plans I know she’s not going to like.
Will I be TA if I don’t include them in the wedding planning AT ALL? Side note: my fiancés brothers don’t want to be his groomsmen and we don’t trust them anyways so there wouldn’t be anyone to be on his side regardless. I also can’t stand one of my sisters.
I also felt as though I should add in potential other ideas for the wedding that would also cause me to possibly be TA. 1. We’re not doing speeches. 2. No kids.
Our friends and other members of our family are okay and happy with leaving their kids at home but I feel as though my mom will be upset that her only grandkids will not be allowed to be there and participate especially since my sister (with the kids) will be coming in from Colorado. AITA?
Let's see what readers thought.
iceicerabies writes:
NTA. If your mother is already being a pain A YEAR before the wedding, you don’t want her involved as the date grows near. Just gray rock in your responses. No debating. “We’re not having a wedding party.” “I’m handling the wedding planning” “I’m focused on my fiancés recovery from surgery.”
ornerywasabi writes:
NTA. You don't plan on having any attendants, so you aren't singling out your sisters for exclusion. Your mother needs to butt out and let you have the wedding you want.
You can always just tell her that if it's going to be that much of a problem for people, you'll just elope. That might be the preferred option, then just have a reception afterwards. There's no reason to be under that kind of pressure in top of everything else.
knickers9178 writes:
NTA. So, instead of that type of wedding, take your fiancée, dad and a guest of fiancées choosing and get a quick wedding at the local courthouse/local celebrant. Elope, basically.
A wedding is about loving each other, it doesn’t need to be big and it doesn’t need to have a lot of people involved. Mine had my dad as my witness and my brother in law as my husbands witness. That’s all you need.
Throw a party later for everyone else to celebrate it if you want, but it’s much easier on the wallet, which helps with you buying a house.